this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] Rooskie91@discuss.online 59 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Rain happens without thunder all the time tho

[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 53 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Are you gonna argue with a pants shitter?

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 20 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I'm gonna make eye contact and shit louder, with DETERMINATION

[–] popekingjoe@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Gotta establish dominance.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Re-establish, you mean

[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Ohh no, you don't want to start a shit off!

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago

Shit up or shit out

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

with DETERMINATION

"I HAVE DETERMINED THAT THERE'S SHIT IN MY PANTS!"
-pats approvingly-

[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago

All I see is two pants shitters

[–] diabetic_porcupine@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

If you don’t argue with pant shitters then who do you argue with??

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I also frequently piss without shitting myself, yet here we are.

[–] testaccount789@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I also sometimes piss without shitting myself.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] bstix@feddit.dk 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Acid_Burn@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

But do you ever shit without pissing? Maybe that's what Fleetwood Mac meant?

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 months ago

Fridays I’ve got traffic on my mind?

[–] protist@retrofed.com 11 points 3 months ago

Not for the guy at the urinal next to you

[–] FrChazzz@lemmus.org 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Look at this guy, calling bullshit on Fleetwood Mac

[–] Acid_Burn@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hey now, Fleetwood Mac said thunder only happens when it's raining. That means it can rain without thunder, but can't thunder without rain.

[–] FrChazzz@lemmus.org 3 points 3 months ago

I concede and withdraw my prior point.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 36 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The best part about shitting yourself at a urinal is that you're already in a bathroom so you can clean up.

The worst part about shitting yourself at a urinal is that you shit yourself.

[–] TherapyGary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

i'll pee into the shower if i want to

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

There are two types of people in this world. Those who piss in the shower, and liars.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You know that's not better.

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[–] sploder@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

My 60 y.o. Dad with dementia .. he knows he can go piss in a toilet. But he also knows he can just piss himself and his nurse will take care of it. It’s definitely a situation where an accident turned into a lifestyle choice lmfao

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 26 points 3 months ago (3 children)

If you don't want to be in the thunderzone leave a 1 urinal gap

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That's how you get beyond thunderzone.

[–] Rcklsabndn@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago

I can never pee beyond thunderzone because Tina Turner is so intinadating.

[–] slothrop@lemmy.ca 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I just piss in the sink, to be safe.

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 months ago (3 children)
[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

Nah, i usually use the kids washroom cause their sinks are lower

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I am 6'4 but most sinks aren't that high anyway.

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[–] Janx@piefed.social 3 points 3 months ago

...in the store down the road.

[–] blargh513@sh.itjust.works 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I was at a bar, good 'n' drunk, went to take a piss. Bathroom is small, one urinal, one pot. I'm pissing away and I let a fart slip out, not a big one, just a good booty burp. The guy who's back in the shitter raising a putrid stink has the balls to say "gesundheit".

I wish I were that witty.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

The most inpolite way to express politeness.

[–] binarytobis@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago

Once I was in the bathroom of this upscale theater following a Shakespeare play, when a very sharply dressed older man who exuded an aura of intelligence came in and approached a urinal. He dropped his pants and underwear all the way to the floor, raised his shirts with both of his hands and held them above his exposed nipples, then pushed his hips as far as he could into the urinal to piss hands-free. The incongruity of what I was seeing left me stunned, and made me forget to pee until he had completely left the bathroom.

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I mean, you were staring at him for no reason before he started talking. You should give him a tip for giving you a show!

[–] jellyfishhunter@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

I read that as "before he sharted"

I'm leaving this here. Have a nice day.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (2 children)

So don't stare at people at the urinal next to you and they won't react defensively.

[–] groet@feddit.org 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

~~react defensively~~

react defecatingly

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

~~react defensively~~

~~react defecatingly~~

react deafeningly

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[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Oops, now it's a mudslide.

[–] Underwaterbob@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago

One time I was in this bar bathroom in Korea at the urinal doing my business and this Korean guy comes in and goes to the urinal next to me and starts doing his. A few seconds in he looks over at the big foreigner (me) and sticks out his free hand in a handshake gesture and says "Nice to meet you." Different culture...

[–] Tigeroovy@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I think you call the shit lightning.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Thunder and lightning. The stuff that makes life exciting.

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 2 points 3 months ago

Around here we call that 'scraping mud'.

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