Ask Lemmy

Sticking my finger in the barrel of a cops gun so it blows up in their face.

Gonna see if i can cross over to the apartment opposite me by not looking down. This could be a miracle for transportation!

Letting her know I like her by launching my eyeballs out of their sockets and dropping my tongue completely to the floor.

edit: Forgot the old-timey car horn sound.

arOOOOgah!

Pulling a giant hammer out of my pocket

Hire a bird to paint a realistic-looking tunnel with my workplace behind it on my garage door, and drastically reduce commute times.

I'm going to blow into my thumb and make my dick huge.

Carry around a ACME black hole, just in case.

Launching out of a cannon and floating to safety at the end by opening a very small umbrella.

Having a little hat with a propeller that allows me to fly

Imma buy a LOT of anvils

Amazed nobody has said float through the air on the waft of a delicious pie yet

I don't think anyone has mentioned buying some invisible paint!

Honestly I think having someone pull a giant mallet out and squish me like a pancake would fix me.

Have a conversation with my now-talking dog.

Painting a door on a wall that actually works

Farting so hard I fly

I work as a slot technician. One of our jobs is moving slot machines with hand trucks. When setting them down, one typically counterbalances the weight of the machine with their body. I wanna get catapulted across the casino floor, fly through the air while screaming like Goofy, and hit the wall leaving a silhouette-shaped hole.

Thankfully, the only injury I should sustain is little coins going around my head.

Standing in air and looking down for a sec

I'm going to Costco and buying a palette of bananas.

I can probably cut my commute time by 80% and sow mass chaos in the process.

Draw a tunnel or a door on a wall and see where it leads. Perhaps into the room on the other side, maybe into a pocket dimension.

Cut down a tree by standing on a branch and cutting the branch from the tree.

This depends on whether it's permanent or transitory. I don't want to be half-way through a stunt...

Jump from the highest building in town and use my pants as a parachute.

tunnel through things using paint

Phone call someone and during the split screen physically jump into their side of the call.

Not reading the book on gravity, for starters. 🤌🏼

Dress as a scientist with a labcoat, and build something really quickly by pulling tools out of nowhere as a giant cloud of steam covers up what I’m doing, revealing a giant scientific looking device that is labeled “restore normal laws of physics for everyone except me”. Push the button. Now I am the only one running on cartoon logic. I have hopefully prevented others from destroying the Earth by exploding giant bombs or whatever. Or racists from coming up with a “kill all non-white people” virus. Or a variety of other horrors.

Then do things like build an anti-corruption ray and fire it at major government buildings. Panacea-ray to be given to hospitals. Climate-change regulation machine. Etc. Lots of different rays lmao.

Come up with plan to reduce suffering in the universe and harness cartoon physics into technology without someone being able to exploit this awesome power for evil. Do not do this alone. Gather others. Watch cartoons for ideas. Think this bs through a lot more.

I think I’d build a time-stopping device with immunity necklaces to place around the necks of the smartest and most compassionate people on Earth (which I’d use another tracking device to find) to give everybody time to think through ideas on what to do. That way everyone in the hospitals could stop dying while we think through ideas, giving us time to save them. Probably end up giving others the cartoon physics power after building a device to find the best candidates for the responsibility, and shooting them with the anti-corruption ray.

Probably shoot MYSELF with the anti-corruption ray to keep myself from going insane with power.

Fix the world, then later, fix the universe. End involuntary suffering. End involuntary death for those who do not wish to die. Fix entropy. Have fun forever.

Step #1: Integrate "AI" into all ACME products; including anvils and dynamite.

Step #2: Draft press release that we expect to have solved the "roadrunner conundrum" by the end of the third quarter.

Step #3: Repeat Step #2 for a couple of years.

Step #4: Fail to deliver on the promise of Step #2.

Step #5: Exit the business with my now substantial fortune, leaving the Wyle E. Coyote holding the bag.

I'm flattening myself into pancake to fit through the crack of a door, and then walking off a cliff without looking down to fly. I may also want a drink, so I'll just reach off camera and grab one.

Boing! Boing! Jumping off a roof so I can bounce bounce bounce, I can't jump for shit IRL and I want to.

Also maybe some NSFW stuff I am not about to detail.

Run down the beach to see how far I can get across the lake before I start sinking.

If it counts, I'd love to have a portable black circle disk thing like in Toontown so I could return home in an instant.

If that doesn't count, I wouldn't mind having falls only cause me to accordion and not take much, if any, damage if I land on my feet paws.

Edit: Instant, not instance.

Also, realized being able to grab things from thought bubbles visible only to me would be nice. Need to defend myself? I now have a, hopefully, fully loaded glock whenever I need one.

And have it drift where hurricanes hit hardest.

Alternatively, with some help:

So it can float away from Canada and Mexico.

Use a seesaw-style lever and fulcrum to give free rides into space. I want a turn, too.

Going through all the ways that I can die, just so I can restructure myself back together like anew.

Get into a chase with ICE.

Picture this. The flintstones car, to help the environment.

I'm gonna get a stupidly-hot wife despite being a fat layabout piece of shit with a clear neurological condition.

I guess that's not really physics related, so I'll also add "gracefully float towards delicious food on a wafting scent trail". I could toss a burger down a canyon and use the scent trail to lower myself down safely. Like a Portal gun, but for fat layabout pieces of shit with clear neurological conditions 👍