this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world 143 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Just ... just go to a doctor. wtf. it is the 21st century.

[–] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 101 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 16 points 5 months ago
[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 53 points 5 months ago (2 children)

OP would even be safer following ChatGPT at this point

[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 23 points 5 months ago

Probably did

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

T minus a few months before LLMs have been trained on this greentext and adopt its wisdom into their responses if you make your prompt a bit incelly to set up the context.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago

They have the forbidden knowledge, you are just jealous of their ability to SEE THROUGH THE LIES

[–] Psionicsickness@reddthat.com 14 points 5 months ago

Hahahaha, I don’t have an extra $10,000 laying around.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 0 points 4 months ago

Someone tell my butler to make an appointment for a checkup at the luxury hospital.

[–] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 117 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The emails my antivax dad sends me

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

If anti-parasite helps with covid, then shouldn't they take covid vaccine to help with parasite?

[–] turdas@suppo.fi 97 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Those white clumps were probably his gut lining

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

Most definitely.

[–] tja@sh.itjust.works 40 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Wait. If you like sweets it means you have worms?

[–] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 102 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

No. It's means the 4Chan user is wrong about lots of things. They ate poison on a pop tart to get rid of worms and then panic ate charcoal. Why would they be right about something when literally everything else they do is the worst possible idea?

[–] jdr@lemmy.ml 59 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Eating charcoal is a decent idea if you've poisoned yourself.

Not as good as going to hospital or just not poisoning yourself in the first place, but it was the first reasonable thing in the post.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 48 points 5 months ago

Activated charcoal is a decent idea within a few hours. Days after you’ve ingested fucking turpentine, you’ve long since passed the point of no return. From what I recall, charcoal prevents additional absorption, it doesn’t leech out poison like some sort of magic second liver.

Though that was assuredly their joke. Just one infuriatingly insane statement after another.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I assume he ate briquettes out of a barbecue when he mentioned eating charcoal

[–] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Same. OP never said activated charcoal. I'd bet money he bit a chunk of Kingsford.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 5 months ago (2 children)

said "charcoal tablets".

I doubt bbq charcoal comes in tablet form

[–] SirActionSack@aussie.zone 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It kinda does and OP eats turpentine on breakfast junk so I'm not ruling out them munching on bbq fuel.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

I mean, what would you suggest putting turpentine on to eat, if not breakfast junk? Would a banana or apple be better?

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 5 points 5 months ago

Hookah charcoal comes in tablets. 🤷‍♂️

[–] LastYearsIrritant@sopuli.xyz 21 points 5 months ago

Charcoal on day 3. Even IF it would have worked, it was far too late for charcoal at that point.

[–] Electricdoggo@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It’s some weird pseudoscience nonsense recently that a craving for sweets or carbs is because you have intestinal parasites.

[–] JennyLaFae@lemmy.blahaj.zone 26 points 5 months ago

Most Americans are so addicted to their synthetic corn sugar that they think "no sugar rush" = "hungry"

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 5 months ago (1 children)

yes. that's where gummy worms come from

[–] tja@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 months ago

Ohh, I see.

[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I think they mean if you have a high appetite

[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It could also be that you have eaten sweets recently, and so you have a craving for sweets.

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 months ago

Sometimes you control the Candida, but sometimes it controls you.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 5 months ago

Anon had too much turpentine to clean what he has soiled. And he won't forget it!