this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 111 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What is the charge?! ~~Eating~~ Boofing a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] buycurious@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Get your hands off my ~~penis~~ anus!

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[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.

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[–] First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 46 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).

[–] Void@lemmings.world 46 points 1 year ago (4 children)

First they came for the spring rolls...

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago

Then I came for the spring rolls

[–] Una@europe.pub 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Una@europe.pub 6 points 1 year ago

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

You’re saying I should make anal beads from spring rolls?

Way ahead of you.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 8 points 1 year ago

And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"

[–] lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 year ago

And I stayed silent because I wasn't a spring roll

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 31 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago (2 children)

the ring isn't flared at the base that's why

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Funniest meme of the day.

[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 year ago

Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.

[–] simplejack@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Because it means you have to poop out your mouth.

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[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

[–] Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 year ago

Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.

[–] don@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My spring rolls, my choice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Why so strict? Let loose a little, give the choice to put juicy Asian rolls up you butt to someone else ...

[–] don@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

💢**MY FUCKING SPRING ROLLS, MY FUCKING CHOICE, GODDAMMIT!**💢

(Much amgery stomping noises ~fading off into the distance~)

[DOOR SLAMS VIOLENTLY, KNOCKING SEVERAL DECORATIVE DISHES FROM THEIR DISPLAY STANDS. END OF SCENE.]

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

[the audience gets served fresh spring rolls]

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[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

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[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] MudMan@fedia.io 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Other people in the restaurant?

Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?

One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?

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[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 year ago

Lest I checked, this was a free country

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 11 points 1 year ago

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 10 points 1 year ago

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

[–] Bucky@okaythen.lol 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

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DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

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[–] Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] workerONE@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 7 points 1 year ago

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

Health and safety gone mad

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago

I can do whatever I want >:(

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Where else am I supposed to store them?

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[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

AI or Stupid humans?

[–] Ypsilenna@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Awww, puts them back in the fridge

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Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

[–] Una@europe.pub 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

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