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Scenario: It's night, and a man is walking home. He sees ahead there is a woman going in the opposite direction as him. Knowing not to stop or approach her, but his presence makes her nervous. What would help further in this scenario if anything?

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[–] lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 119 points 2 weeks ago (16 children)

As a woman, seriously, just give me the bro nod to acknowledge that I exist but am not that interesting to you and keep walking. If you go out of your way to show that you aren't a threat now I'm thinking you're a threat, and if you pointedly ignore me now I'm wondering if you are actually far more interested in me than you should be but you want me not to notice.

Brief eye contact while acknowledging that I exist tells me you aren't afraid of me remembering your face but that you aren't being weird and staring or trying to hide from me.

[–] meco03211@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I like to have a smile as well. If I give the nod or even a cursory "hello" I try to have my body language say that I in no way expect or need any sort of response or acknowledgement.

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[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 84 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Just don't be weird man, that's all you gotta do.

[–] neidu3@sh.itjust.works 79 points 2 weeks ago (13 children)

"Just don't be weird" is exactly the kind of thought that'd cause me to come off as weird. Suddenly every detail of what I do is manual and scrutinized by myself.

[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago

I live in a city, just do the same thing I do when walking past literally anyone - leave a few feet of space, eyes forward, ignore.

[–] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 19 points 2 weeks ago

starts thinking so hard that my arms stop swaying

[–] fletcher_bosom@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] meco03211@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

At least she'll have a funny story about the creepy guy muttering "right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot" that she passed.

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[–] CallMeAl@piefed.world 65 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Grandma used to say nothing breaks the ice like breaking wind so give a friendly toot as you pass.

[–] 418_im_a_teapot@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 weeks ago

I read somewhere that if an FBI agent is spotted by someone they are surveilling, they start picking their nose as a way to immediately seem normal and uninterested in the person. So you might be on to something.

[–] Hello_there@fedia.io 42 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

According to Brent Staples' essay from a few decades ago, about how to not be seen as threatening as a black man in the US: "And on late-evening constitutionals I employ what has proved to be an excellent tension-reducing measure: I whistle melodies from Beethoven and Vivaldi and the more popular classical composers. Even steely New Yorkers hunching toward nighttime destinations seem to relax, and occasionally they even join in the tune. Virtually everybody seems to sense that a mugger wouldn’t be warbling bright, sunny selections from Vivaldi's Four Seasons. It is my equivalent of the cowbell that hikers wear when they know they are in bear country."

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 35 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

I'm ngl, hearing a lone man whistling Vivaldi's "Spring" in the middle of the night while alone would be kinda terrifying.

[–] Couldbealeotard@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago

Makes me think of clockwork Orange

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[–] railway692@piefed.zip 15 points 2 weeks ago

If someone's out here in the dark with me being cultured, I am terrified.

That's eat my liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti energy.

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[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 39 points 2 weeks ago

Play dead, women are like bears.

[–] Mannimarco@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Just act like a normal person, jesus christ

As much as this is the right answer, I understand where OP is coming from.

OP: to expand: you're not responsible for other people's fears or phobias. The best thing you can do is exactly that: nothing, just act as if the person were a guy you don't know. Trying to "prove" you're not a threat is exactly the thing a person who is a threat would do, so you're going to set off a whole bunch of alarm bells by doing that. And that's not just valid for women - at least I would be kind of creeped out if some guy did some of the things some people have mentioned in this thread.

[–] Varesti@lemmy.zip 20 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Jesus Christ is an unusually high standard for a normal person to live up to.

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[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 36 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Cross the street because what if she tries talking to me? It's night, I already did all my talking for the week I wanna be introverted alone.

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[–] joe@lemmy.world 36 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If I understand the TikTok trend from a little while back, the solution is to pretend to be a bear.

[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Slowly lower yourself to all fours and start huffing to yourself hangry-ly

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[–] kbal@fedia.io 33 points 2 weeks ago

What with the growing population world-wide it is not unusual to meet a human when you're out walking. Remember it's probably just as scared as you are. Try to keep your cool. Don't try to feed them, don't stare at them, don't photograph them. Don't run, or they might think you're prey. It's often best to just keep going and pretend you don't see them.

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 31 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
  1. Make eye contact. No eye contact is creepy. It's best to err on the side of more, rather than less, eye contact, because you probably don't make enough.
  2. Pick up the pace. If you're walking slowly, it's going to look like you're trying to prolong the encounter, so go at least at a trot.
  3. Hands are threatening, so keep one or both behind your back to prevent spooking her.
  4. Smile! You look prettier that way. Two birds with one stone here: if you keep a smile on your face, you'll look less threatening, and you can tell her to smile to inform her that you want her to be happy.
  5. Pay her a compliment to put her at ease. Something non-sexual like, "you have beautiful teeth."
  6. It will be clear you're not a threat if she knows you've got something else. You could communicate that you're going home to eat by licking your lips. Make some smacking noises too, if it's dark.
  7. Clothes conceal threats, so take yours off.

HTH

[–] majster@lemmy.zip 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

See a woman in distance. Puts hands behind his back (could be a weapon). Picks up the pace. Looks straight into the eyes, lock on, force a smile so you look like a psycho and say: you have beautiful theeth.

If she doesn't call the police or starts screaming then you surely didn't follow all the points.

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 12 points 2 weeks ago

Calling the police is normal, as it helps her to feel safer. Don't worry, this is a synergistic response to the situation.

HTH

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[–] bitteroldcoot@piefed.social 30 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Nothing will help this scenario with just 2 people.

You have to add a third party. The man needs to have a female companion, or a happy friendly dog.

If I walk alone, my 250 pound, six foot talk frame is viewed as a threat. If I take my brother's highly animated German spotted pointer with me, people approach me and want to pet the puppy.

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 45 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Ah, so that's how you get them into the van.

Candy helps too.

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[–] LostCarcosan@lemmy.today 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What kind of question is this? You just act like a normal person and keep walking. Maybe step politely to the side to avoid crashing right into them

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[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I usually turn around and start walking backwards, peeking quickly over my shoulder and looking increasingly worried because she's chasing ME and she's getting closer!

Don't make women the victim; be a gentleman and YOU be the victim.

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[–] jaemo@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 weeks ago

Shoot webbing at the closest streetlight, use it to swing to the to of the building across the street. The Rhino is trying to rob the bank again, stand back citizen!

[–] normalentrance@lemmy.zip 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Mind your business and keep walking. Don't be weird and stare. Maybe smile, nod your head, or say hello -- again if you can be normal. In any case keep walking.

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[–] elevenbones@sh.itjust.works 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

You should tell her that you've been trying to reach her regarding her car's extended warranty.

/s

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[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago

Ignore her like anyone else and let her decide on her own comfort zone walking by you? If some one sees you walking alone, and starts altering their behavior because of your presence, whatever their intention, it sends the message that you have been noticed, you are being watched, they are reacting to your presence, and this indicates some kind of interest or goal in an interaction.

So just keep waking, if she wants to cross the street, just ignore her. Definitely don't yell "It's okay I'm not a rapist!" or "I have a girlfriend already!", just let her do her thing, and you keep doing yours.

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 16 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

If it’s a brightly lit street, or with any other people about, I just mind my own business and walk past her. I usually hug the wall side so she won’t feel boxed in as we pass.

If it’s dimly lit, or at all sketchy, and there’s no one else around I’ll usually cross to the other side of the road. I’d rather walk a little extra distance than have someone be afraid.

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[–] Vandals_handle@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago

Nothing, ignore them and just keep walking

[–] mrmaplebar@fedia.io 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The safety dance. Oo the safety dance. Yes the safety dance. The safety dance.

[–] geomela@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind.

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[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Ah it looks like the advice here is very similar to the other post.

"hey if you're a man i'm gonna need you to never approach a woman who's alone at night time. don't care what your intention is - unless it's an emergency, don't. you probably have no idea what the jolt of terror and/or the gnawing dread feels like in these situations. thanks."

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[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Start running until you pass her to make the awkward moment shorter.

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No no no, all of these suggestions are wrong, some of them get close, but they don’t paint the whole picture.

Start off by just walking calmly, and then once she’s in your hearing range, give her a nod. Now, start snarling and quickly drop to all 4s as you gallop forwards and eventually past her. This is a sure fire sign to make sure that she knows she’s in good hands

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 weeks ago

Sometimes I’ll cross the street if it’s safe and won’t have to immediately recross to get where I’m going. If not I just keep walking and keep my eyes to myself, as long as you’re not being a staring creepass or looking her up and down you’re fine.

[–] CalypsoGirl@lemmy.today 11 points 2 weeks ago

If the woman is uncomfortable she can alter her path. I've been that woman before but have rarely felt uncomfortable enough to cross the street or whatever. I just keep walking and either ignore or give a pleasant nod to the man to let him know I'm chill and not scared and we're two normal innocuous people passing each other.

Maybe twice in my life my spidey senses tingled and I changed my path and got out of there. Our instincts protect us.

[–] veniasilente@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Ignore and carry on with your life.

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