I mean......I will. That's part of the fun of having the goth gf. Invader Zim is awesome.
this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2026
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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.
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When we live together and pool our resources and still can’t pay the bills, at least we can still lock eyes with each other and scream at the top of our lungs, in unison, “WE NEED MORE EARTH MONIES!!!”
And then agree that our only recourse is to mournfully sing The Doom Song and then explode.
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I messed up the Goth girlfriend questionnaire and now she’s sacking Rome.
No... no I don't think you did.
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Is there something wrong with being a pharm tech?
The standing and walking gets a little bit tedious at hour 8, she's going to need foot massages. Oh wait damn, another bonus.
my steak is too juicy and my lobster is too buttery!
This beach is too sandy and the water is too wet.
wet water? don't let the lake michigan port authority hear about it
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Yeah. Why are they all so damn hot? They've gotta be up to something.
The joke is that guys get turned on by the goth girl aesthetic, but would not actually enjoy hanging out with a goth girl when faced with the reality. The joke works not because there is anything wrong with being a pharmacy tech, but because it paints a picture of the kind of person you would be dating. People immersed in the culture the joke was made in will have intrinsic, perhaps previously unnoticed, associations with this collection of personal details, and the sudden realization combined with the dig at guys' unrealistic fantasies creates humor.
The deeper joke is that actual women who dress in the goth aesthetic are not as appealing as partners as, say, sexy pics on the internet imply. The picture being painted here is the millenial woman who was a goth girl in high school and never changed. It wasn't just a phase, and it turns out, that was a bad thing. It turns out, she isn't actually deep and profound, but just has depression, and used clothing and makeup choices to cover up her lack of an interesting personality. Now more than a decade out of high school, she still hasn't changed, and her worldview and lifestyle are taking their toll. She took a low effort path to get a pharm tech certification, and now works a job that has basically no opportunity for advancement or better pay, but which requires few social skills and lets her dress however she wants. One of her main interests is Invader Zim, a show that had its merits, but which certainly isn't still worth talking about as a regular topic more than a decade after it ended. And with the outline sketched, our mind can fill in the rest of the picture - her, standing with a scoul in her black lipstick and fishnets, the mandatory blue walmart vest clashing with her otherwise all-black aesthetic, holding back a sigh as she waits for a customer to fumble with their phone for 5 minutes to figure out if this is the pharmacy their perscription got sent to. Next back in line, an overweight 57 year old contractor in a RealTree hat leers at her cleavage, which she has mixed feeling about because on one hand, she finds this man's attention disgusting, but on the other, she knows she no longer meets acceptable female beauty standards. A complete lack of exercise, plus lifestyle of staying up late doomscrolling and watching tv while downing canned seltzers with her cats has left her overweight, and looking haggard and prematurely aged. And as she ages out of the goth/punk/emo scene in the mid-sized midwestern city she never bothered to leave, she finds her social circle shrinking more and more - the only people she really interacts with regularly anymore are her coworkers, who dress normal and don't really find her goth aesthetic important or interesting. But she keeps putting on the black lipstick every morning out of habit - since the alternative would be to face the embarassment of admitting to herself that she should have left this phase behind 10 years ago.
It's kind of like the joke that all bodybuilders are losers who work at rental car companies or supplement stores.
Also, this comment should not be taken as any actual condemnation of goth girls. It is just a description of the picture painted by OOP given our larger cultural context. I actually went on a date with a goth-y girl yesterday, and she was fun, sexy, smart, and had a lot of great things happening in her life. But no big tiddies 😭
Thanks Peter.
Here for ya, buddy
Fam, this was great. Seriously, I go to readings by the fiction and poetry students at the local college, and this would be politely applauded. One point of order tho:
as she ages out of the goth/punk/emo scene in the mid-sized midwestern city she never bothered to leave, she finds her social circle shrinking more and more
afaik most goth scenes are pretty welcoming to "original generation" people. I think this is also true about punk scenes. I don't know much about emo but I read that it's having a bit of a revival, i.e. clubs are having nostalgia "emo nights". So I don't think she would age out as you describe. What's more likely is that as her peers move away or drop out of the scene, she'd become bitter and/or gatekeepy and/or passive-aggressive so people would just start to be emotionally distant around her. Hmm... come to think of it, yeah, her social circle would shrink. But it wouldn't be directly related to age.
It's not that the scene is unwelcoming, it's more that at some point it turned into a volunteer babysitting gig and nobody told me
Yeah, I mean my thought was that, going along with the theme of her being resistant to change and not particularly socially adept, she wouldn't enjoy the new music being made and wouldn't go out of her way to make new friends. Additionally, she would be unable to accept her new role as one of the older people in the scene, which would make her feel uncomfortable when most others around her were younger. And the small size of the city and lack of desireable reasons to live there would make it difficult for her to find many others in the scene her same age, as there wouldn't be many to begin with and most would either move to another city or simply drop out of the scene to focus on other things.
I didn't mean to imply that the scene would exclude her for her age, but that she would exclude herself because of it.
I hope you realize I'm gonna be texting and emailing all my friends this evening saying "are you all right... are you REALLY all right? you're deep and profound to ME, you know!?!" and they'll be like "have you been watching depressing anime again?"
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What about girls who weren't goth in school but later found out they liked the goth aesthetic so they became goth girls later?
Like my big tiddy goth wife? (Not pharm tech tho :( )
Um... I mean, the above description is a fleshed out caricature, not a description of any one person, nor a prediction about how peoples lives generally turn out.
But with that caveat in place, I will say that I don't think the aesthetic really matters. The important part is being able to grow as a person and not make an aesthetic the whole of your identity. The bodybuilder working at Enterprise, the wine mom still talking about partying like she's in her sorority, Napoleon's uncle talking about how he coulda gone pro if only coach had put him in - they all create the same mix of annoyance, disdain, and pity. They all got stuck on some aesthetic or identity which created a response they wanted from their peers, and now they can't move on, nor realize that what was important to them before isn't anymore.
The question isn't if the goth girl was goth in high school. It is - is she happy? Is she out there living her best life, loving doing the things she enjoys and working hard to improve the things she doesn't? Is her gothiness a freely-given expression for her conception of her own beauty, rather than a costume put on for reaction and validation? These are the important things.
Pharmacy techs are educated and make good money. I don't see anything wrong with that.
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Sometimes you need to adapt. I married a little tiddy goth girl and after two kids my long term plan has finally paid off.
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I think those guys played Persona 5 and thought real life is like this
Guaranteed every single one of these freaks tried to hook up with Futaba Sakura exclusively.
Yeah, tried, she is already exclusive with me.
(/s)
I have to research because the name was familiar but ain't that fan of Persona 5.
I can't say much since my love interest on Persona 3 was Yuko.
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Sing me the doom song while I drive us to Whitby.
Threatening me with a good time again?
Don't threaten me with a good time.
Threatening me with a pharmacy tech girlfriend but I don't care because I'm finally getting all my anti-anxiety medication filled
How is this so accurate
#why did they respond like this?
I know some Tumblr pages don't let me comment but I always thought commenting was a feature on the platform.
Tumblr. I don't know why Tumblr Tumblrs the way it does (okay I understand a little of the hornoposting now I guess) but the #s are a part of it. For reasons.
I think those are notes or tags, but they get much more expressive with them than on other socials
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