this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Image of skeleton lifting a barbell on the shoulders, overlaid with text: My body is a MACHINE That Doesn’t work Very good

top 22 comments
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[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 22 points 5 months ago (1 children)

This reminds me, have your ever thought about how Jesus definitely masturbated or if he didn't he at least had wet dreams?

The shroud of Turin managed to keep it's shape because it was Jesus cum rag, it's basically paper mâche.

Now you might say "but touchmacaque, that's blasphemy!" But I'd like to counter with the fact that we've all made our own cum paper mâche just like our Lord and saviour, in a way were just following Jesus.

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

This is a magnificent shitpost. Why bury it under a lesser one? Do not be ashamed of your talent.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 14 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The trick is to be easily forgotten, that way no one will remember me until they find my very own shroud of cum long after I'm dead

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The second cumming of Christ?

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It's gonna take more than two to hold the shape for a couple thousand years.

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

The second cummings of Christ.

Fixed it. Thanks.

[–] nialv7@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago

MY BODY IS A

    MACHINE

THAT

    DOESN'T

[–] gon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'm glad I can't relate to this. #flexing #youth #yung4eva

[–] Janx@piefed.social 18 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Me neither! #Delusional #EverythingHurts #LifeWasted

[–] gon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 5 months ago
[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

In my 30s and I feel like I'm always hurting some place new just from trying to stay in shape. This ain't funny.

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I keep hearing this but I feel like it cant be true for the majority. For me, I felt strong and healthy all the way up to 50, and I still feel good. I didnt even exercise, but now ive started since about a year back.

I dont understand how 30 can feel like your body is failing unless you do very hard physical work or if you are eating very unhealthy or something. So im interested in understanding whats causing this....

Are you having tons of sugar, fat food, stress,...?

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I am definitely not a good point of reference. I am only just starting to do more exercise and so my execution is very amateur. Also, I have never really been "in shape" at any point in my life that I can recall outside of maybe high school. I am eating better now but I am also not exactly obese now either. I think my body is just severely out of shape. Kudos

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Yeah. Its hard to be out of shape, its just so damn difficult to want to do anything.

I think just taking daily walks makes a big difference but not everyone has somewhere nice to walk either.

[–] r00ty@kbin.life 5 points 5 months ago

My body is a machine that is way out of warranty.

[–] phar@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] Illecors@lemmy.cafe 3 points 5 months ago

Just want to say you're not alone. It matters to me, too!

[–] tempest@lemmy.ca 2 points 5 months ago

Superman does good, you do very well

[–] Pirtatogna@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

"Well". Your body is a machine that doesn't work very well.

[–] agingelderly@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

It works like Legos after a house fire

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I'm 60, this is me :( still squatting but def my body doesn't squat as much and every thing creaks on the way down and up! and longer to recover and after i need to slump in my recliner feeling fcuk3d for 30 mins (have a home gym)

fuck it. Deadlift day tomorrow, MTB ride on Sunday

[–] dethedrus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 5 months ago

Budget Frankenstein's monster here!

Shut up, I hate being in this meme.