Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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cross-posted from: https://aussie.zone/post/32975068

What do you think of this idea? I had this image of people going to the petrol pump and taking a swig, but if the boffins can do something useful with all the warehoused unsellable wine it might help in various ways.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/64879515

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cross-posted from: https://piefed.world/c/onion/p/1147554/head-of-state-owned-vtb-bank-says-russians-should-be-satisfied-with-their-economy-tells

Otherwise, if you will excuse me, consider this joke: A patient comes to the doctor and says, ‘Doctor, I have a complaint: when I have sex, there’s a whistling in my ears.’ ‘How old are you?’ the doctor asks. ‘80,’ the pensioner replies. ‘And what were you expecting — applause?

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Apparently, nines are the hardest to grasp for primary school children. If only they’d learned how to cheat like me, says Adrian Chiles

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Oak would not resort to these tactics.

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Radio Caroline, a radio station based in the UK, has issued an apology after they incorrectly announced the death of Britain’s King Charles III to its listeners.

When a British monarch dies, radio stations in the U.K. immediately enact a strictly rehearsed "Death of a Monarch" protocol.

“Due to a computer error at our main studio the Death of a Monarch procedure, which all UK stations hold in readiness while hoping not to require, was accidentally activated on Tuesday afternoon (19 May), mistakenly announcing that HM the King had passed away,” the station manager for Radio Caroline, Peter Moore, said in a statement shared on social media Wednesday.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/64673855

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Well, I would say the test results were conclusive, if nothing else.

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A city councillor in Cork, Ireland is advocating to erect a public statue of a mosquito. It wouldn’t be a statue of just any mosquito , but the pest that some — at least in Cork–believe bit the English invader, Oliver Cromwell — sending him home to die of what was once known as 'Cork fever,' an old name for malaria.

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How was this not yet crossposted here?!

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