this post was submitted on 23 May 2026
642 points (99.7% liked)

Not The Onion

21559 readers
1297 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 22 points 20 hours ago

hes only sorry he was caught voicing his real beliefs

[–] PumaStoleMyBluff@lemmy.world 17 points 19 hours ago

Bank PR Team Issues Statement Claiming Boss is Sorry. Boss's Golf Game Uninterrupted.

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 10 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

I've been irritated since around 1979 when we stopped being "personnel" and became "human resources". It's always puzzled me that there was no massive backlash to that.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 11 points 19 hours ago
[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)

For generations, we were taught to value the opinions of the wealthy. Now we know for the vast majority of billionaires, their extreme wealth is mostly due to chance, not inherent ability, or even worse is actually evidence of their lack of character. The illusion has fallen away. They are the last people we should seek advice from on living a moral life. We should punish them for the act of hoarding immoral amounts of wealth to themselves. I am encouraged because this viewpoint seems to be spreading, and even more encouraged because I think they're scared. They should be scared.

[–] imhungry@leminal.space 1 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (5 children)

No they're not scared. I can't disclose any details, but if I were scared I'd walk around with a bodyguard and wouldn't have a cellphone.

[–] brownsugga@lemmy.world 6 points 19 hours ago (8 children)

The very wealthy spend lots of money on private security. Look up Erik Prince and his crazy family... DeVos etc. When Gates spoke at my uni (this was 20 years ago) he arrived in a motorcade of 10 armored Suburbans

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Bank boss sorry after being called out for describing workers as lower value human capital

FTFY

Bank boss delivers opposing sentiments in fraudulent effort to increse personal wealth by increasing bank's stock price.

FTFY

(You assume a person with no empathy can be sorry)

[–] NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca 40 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’ve never understood the purpose of forcing executives to apologize.

He said exactly what he meant, to a group of investors who largely feel positively about his message.

A forced apology is condescending and meaningless, and therefore I cannot see how it improves optics in any way.

[–] kat_angstrom@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

The culture of corporate of PR insists that not only do meaningless canned responses help, but they're invaluable. After all, the media will faithfully record those canned replies and reproduce them as though they're salient information, no matter how empty and vapid the cloud of buzzwords produced.

[–] droniecarp@lemmy.zip 27 points 1 day ago

This guy provides zero value to society. He steals value created by others and claims it for himself. He's on the list.

[–] GirthBrooksPLO@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

He thinks of you as "lower value" so do you think he has any reservations about lying to you?

[–] Gammelfisch@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago

Typical CEO and then you wonder why societies fall apart.

[–] Cherry@piefed.social 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

The guy Bill Winters boasts a CBE, its on his workpage profile, and wiki.

Winters received a CBE in the 2013 Birthday Honours for services to the Economy and UK Financial Services Industry.

FIGHT BACK

It could be worth emailing the hounours department 📢 📢 📢 honours@cabinetoffice.gov.uk 📢 📢 📢 to request he is stripped of his order, arguing he brings the honours system in disrepute.

Standing for Commander of the Order of the British Empire, CBE is the highest ranking Order of the British Empire level (excluding a knighthood/damehood), followed by OBE and then MBE.

An individual may be appointed a CBE for having a prominent role at national level, or a leading role at regional level. The honour may also be conferred for a distinguished and innovative contribution to any area.

His statement stains the CBE values because it devalues people, it prioritises technology over employee welfare, undermines responsible leadership, and conflicts with the public‑service and ethical expectations associated with the honour. -

Let them know. its not a big thing but its something us plebs can do

[–] Cherry@piefed.social 8 points 1 day ago

Looks like his wife directs a a London theater. I bet her job isn't on the line. I know its not her fault but these rich arseholes need to feel consequence. I would be boycotting the theatre too. You lie with dogs you get fleas.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 72 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I am very sorry ^that I got caught^

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 191 points 2 days ago (3 children)
[–] khannie@lemmy.world 117 points 2 days ago

He is sorry. Sorry he got caught.

"I'm sorry the lower value human capital heard me call them that."

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Wow. Members of the first estate keep letting slip publicly who they really are and how they really feel.

Eventually, the third estate might get motivated to do something serious about it. Something terrible.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 139 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The biggest clue was when they started referring to us as a "resource". We're just another input on their spreadsheet.

[–] atomicbocks@sh.itjust.works 37 points 2 days ago (4 children)

I used to work at a place that actually changed the name from Human Resources Dept. to Human Capital Dept. and none of the higher ups could figure out why that pissed everybody off.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] damnthefilibuster@lemmy.world 88 points 2 days ago (3 children)

CEOs shouldn’t apologize for fireable offenses. They should just be fired.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 day ago

Uh why would the board fire him for doing his job

Actually using that term was a slipup for sure, but you bet your ass finding ways to cut HR costs is part of his job description

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Make the guillotine great again

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 83 points 2 days ago

Who the fuck cares if he claims to be “sorry”? This wasn’t a case of awkward phrasing or poorly chosen words. It’s a reflection of how he thinks, and will continue to think. Even if he loses his job (which he won’t), he’d only be replaced by someone with the same attitude.

[–] NABDad@lemmy.world 38 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The only job that I am 100% certain could be successfully offloaded onto an AI is CEO.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Eternal192@anarchist.nexus 25 points 1 day ago

This skinsuit and whatever is inside it are the main reason countries are failing, we have robots without any capacity for humanity in positions to direct our lives, not just in banks, politics, healthcare, security and none of them care about us, we're nothing to them, barely accepted as an annoyance that they have to pay.

[–] spacesatan@lazysoci.al 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

The only people here conflating economic value with human worth are the people who are outraged. An easily automated employee isn't of high value to a company, like no shit.

[–] one_old_coder@piefed.social 63 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"Sorry not sorry that it was recorded." Why do they waste their time asking for forgiveness?

[–] tburkhol@slrpnk.net 52 points 2 days ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 47 points 2 days ago (1 children)

They are SO HORNY at the thought of not paying wages.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Nacktmull@lemmy.world 29 points 2 days ago

The problem isn't even this particular pos, its that almost all rich people think this way.

[–] vane@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

He just described what other bank bosses think.

load more comments
view more: next ›