this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Xanthrax@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

One time, I was on the phone with my ex, and they narrated writing on the side of the toilet bowl with their own poo. It was incredibly vivid, and I was legitimately disgusted. He added emphasis and storytelling. I sat there and protested, completely unaware his mom did colonoscopies, and he was unfazed by the mention of poop.

One quote that always stuck with me is, "shit in a bag feels like play-doh."

To this day, I pray to God that may not answer, that he was joking.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, shit in a bag does feel like play-doh sometimes.

Source: have a dog

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Warm play-doh unfortunately

[–] GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Unless you grab the wrong loaf... chilly surprise!

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[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Analogies are cursed. They can paint so vivid a picture you wish you were illiterate.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

"All those moments will be lost in time, like poo on the side of a toilet."

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

It depends on the shit. It comes in a wide variety of consistencies, even on the same day.

[–] ddash@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If in your world "sending a video of pooping" is not synonymous with "hurting someones feelings", then I am not even sure what to say.

It sure is a fucking insane thing to do

[–] Prime_Minister_Keyes@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

And that's how I met your mother.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Ten minutes is the real question mark for me. Was it just kismet that she had one in the holster like that?

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just eat something your stomach has an intolerance to and you can probably work it out pretty quickly

I would eat anything for love

But I won't eat that

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's my secret, Cap. I've always got to poo

[–] killeronthecorner@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Probably-crones-disease homies, represent

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] killeronthecorner@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

Lol I really shoulda looked it up first

Sometimes, dreams do come true

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Two literal shitposters - and they found each other

[–] minkymunkey_7_7@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She was thinking omg he has the same kink as I do.

[–] rbamgnxl5@lemm.ee 0 points 1 year ago

Kinky girl with a heart of gold and panties of brown.

Homeboy found the keeper of all keepers, if she'll share poopix, she'll probably do all sorts of stuff, she's just waiting for her moment to shine!

[–] DandomRude@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And suddenly he is feeling it again...

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean I guess if you do something that fucked up and get the same response you probably found your actual soulmate

[–] BearGun@ttrpg.network 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

or someone who is trying very hard

[–] Natanael@infosec.pub 2 points 1 year ago

Don't get too pushy. You might get hemorrhoids

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 0 points 1 year ago

The real ones aren't the ones you think you want

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Tell her "sorry, I'm only into girls, and girls don't poop" then block her

Oh shit, the poop test. Clever!

[–] drascus@sh.itjust.works 0 points 1 year ago

I thought this was going to be a 5 years later we are married and she thinks I like poop story

[–] badbrainstorm@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I heard this one. They eloped within the week

[–] And009@lemmynsfw.com 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Marriage material right there

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Need to get double toilets in the bathroom

ITT: I've found home. Y'all are my peeps.

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