I was paranoid once in my early twenties so I asked a doctor to check my bum for cancer (I didn't know much about it at the time other than that it's a thing that people do and apparently it's nothing to be ashamed of, but I was also a bit of a hypochondriac).

Well she probably thought I was too young for that and just being a weirdo, cause she made it HURT as badly as she could, and I've had a thing about avoiding doctors ever since.

Also important note that colon cancer has been increasing in people much younger than 45 as well. Get checked peeps.

Everyone should get a colonoscopy whenever it's offered ~~adorably~~ affordably. You'll feel weightless after all the colon blow, you get a great nap out of the deal, and the epic farts after feel so amazingly satisfying. As an added minor bonus, it's good preventative care.

Edit: a word. Oopsie poopsie.

Aw, it cut off the list of antagonists.

One of them was "child molester".

Not even making that up.

HAVE A FUN!!

That's a thing you do just for your bros.

Welcome to the next level.

Yeah gotta pump that earlobe game

Anyone know where I can get the 'hard'ware for this game?

I don't mind it being secondhand. No, wait, I would prefer it to be used...

Kids these days have no respect for the classics 👴

I hope for the latter

I do wear a helmet on my bike and seatbelt in the car for that reason.

But more importantly, what standard preemptive screening is doing any harm? Are you an anti-vaxxer, too?

Considering this is a meme, I'm not sure which non-real numbers you're referring to. Here are some real numbers about why you should let a doctor jam a camera up your ass.

It the United States, the lifetime frequency of colon cancer is 1 in 25 (4%) for men and 1 in 26 (3.8%) in women^1^. Frequencies are similar for most Western European countries. It's one of the most common cancers, being third in the US and second in western Europe as an aggregate ^1,^ ^2^ In the US, colon cancer frequency is increasing amongst those under 55 by 3% each year and is the leading cause of cancer-related death in that group^3^.

It's highly preventable. The majority of colon cancers begin as slow-growing polyps which are easily detected and removed. Doctors snip them off while in there. Easy as that.

If you do skip screening and get colon cancer, it's fucking terrible to deal with, as are all cancers of the GI tract. If gone undetected, it will have slowly proliferated throughout your colon. You'll experience bouts of severe cramping, constipation, and painful, uncontrollable, bloody diarrhea that prompt you to see a doctor. The affected length of colon will then be surgically removed. If you're lucky, they'll reattach what's left to your anus. If not, they'll route it out through a hole in your abdomen, called a stoma. Either way, you now have diarrhea for life, possibly in a bag you have to tape to your stomach and periodically empty, and you'll have to shit much more frequently since your body can no longer effectively remove the water from your feces.

You'll likely need chemotherapy, which will make you sick and miserable throughout its course as it often severely affects the gastrointestinal system. You'll spend a lot of time in the bathroom, vomiting and emptying the even more rapidly filling shit bag on your stomach. At that point, you'd give anything to go back in time and let a doctor probe your asshole. If you're lucky, you go into remission but will require increased screening for the rest of your life in case it returns. If you're unlucky, you'll die painfully, shitting and vomiting on your way to the grave.