this post was submitted on 01 May 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 60 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Fake: man, how do you even eat a pumpkin?

Gay: me, and also I’m a lesbian that can’t cook so I don’t fucking know

[–] Gnugit@aussie.zone 40 points 1 week ago

I'm a chef so I have professional knowledge on this subject. Gordon is powerful enough to convert any red blooded lesbian into a pumpkin eater.

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

Fake and gay: pumpkin

[–] M137@lemmy.today 3 points 1 week ago

The only pumpkin eating I know about is from the US and a lot of the stuff they eat should be illegal to consume.

[–] HorreC@lemmy.world 42 points 1 week ago (5 children)

I find it soooo weird that people say cooking is a womans job (it should just be who ever likes cooking job), but in most parts of the world, men are dominantly the people who do the cooking in professional and home environments. I love cooking and my partner loves the chemistry of baking, else we would just have a cabinet of craft dinners and ramen (not that we dont have those on hand).

[–] GandalftheBlack@feddit.org 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Yeah. I do most of the cooking for me and my girlfriend, and that suits both of us. I like being able to cook what I want, and she likes eating what I cook.

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[–] Signtist@bookwyr.me 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Just about all prejudice is just manufactured cultural pressure. There's no base in reality or rationality, it's just "people told me this often enough that now I believe it." It easily shifts from culture to culture because different people said different baseless things that became "common knowledge" in that region.

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[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

It's just another epic sexism moment. Cooking lame garden-variety "food to not die" crap at home to feed the family? That's a woman's job. Doing good, skillful cooking that has intrinsic merit of its own, cooking that deserves money? Oh okay, now men should be doing it. 🙃

This even happens with home cooking, at least it did in my town. The moms cook every night, but when a DAD is grilling some STEAK (ironically a much simpler dish to make), suddenly that's a special event.

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[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

i've never dated a woman my entire life who didn't look down on me for cooking. even if she herself couldn't cook.

cultural beliefs are everything to many folks.

to them cooking and cleaning is for lower class people, if it's not women it should be hired help who are immigrants.

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

What the heck? I cook because I'm better at it (like, much better) and my husband cleans; but my mom & dad cooked about equally when I was growing up (and they were literally from the 1950s) my ex-brother outlaw was a chef, actually taught his wife to cook well, now they are about equal; my ex went from below zero to good cook while we were together (and back again according to my kids) I can't even begin to imagine thinking it unmanly to know how to feed yourself. It is to me unmanly to be like a kid and expect your lady partner to take care of everything at home, yuck.

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's fascinating! I'm in America and most women seem to like that I (male) do the cooking. Do you mind me asking what culture you're a part of here?

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[–] F_State@midwest.social 3 points 1 week ago

My mom didn't start to learn how to cook till she was in her 40s and that was like a hobby.

[–] DaleGribble88@programming.dev 30 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I prefer Gordon Ramsey's content outside of the US better because he is often less angry for angriness sake, and often because someone is doing something that will get someone sick or hurt. To me, that is what healthy anger looks like. An alert system that drives you to make changes and demand changes of others for the benefit and safety of everyone.

That probably isn't worded the best, and I am no philosopher or psychiatrist, but it is a worldview that has been healthy and helpful for me.

[–] SirEDCaLot@lemmy.today 12 points 1 week ago

100%. The kitchen nightmares UK version was way way way better because it wasn't overproduced and dramaed up, it was focused on the food and the restaurant which is way more interesting to me than a bunch of idiots yelling at each other.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Nah that's spot on. He gets angry to see stupid shit and he isn't afraid to let people know because it does have consequences. Don't be a donkey and he's sound as fuck, I reckon.

But of course good TV means they'll put quite the muppets on his path, for drama.

[–] ShotDonkey@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Nah, he's often in for the drama, knowing drama sells. Often over the top, not authentic.

[–] marduk@lemmy.today 28 points 1 week ago (9 children)

I make my scrambled eggs the way he does

I, too, yell, "Fuck off, you donkey" at the egg carton until the eggs come out.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 week ago

The secret trick is to scramble them.

[–] codexarcanum@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 week ago

I tried his way a few times, did pickup some better technique for stirring, but mostly I still like mine how I've always made them. Have you seen the video of his (adult) son telling him that he likes his eggs different? I laughed pretty hard because it's exactly how i feel. "Yeah it's good but it takes 15 minutes!" Gordon being a dick about the pan too is just so on brand.

[–] NottaLottaOcelot@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago

His voice demonstrating that on TV is always on my mind when making scrambled eggs.

Never stop stirring. Never stop! NEVER STOP!

[–] frank@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Good amount of butter in a warm pan, crack in 3 eggs, don't bother to whisk them. Just fuck them about with the spatula directly in the pan to scramble them. Keep them moving, keep stirring and scraping, moderate the heat by taking the pan off the burner. When they start to come together, add 1/4 cup of cream or sour cream, continue bothering the eggs until the consistency is how you like it. I like them fairly moist, but firm enough to stand up in a pile. Season, put over toast.

I like Worcestershire sauce and Apricot jam on my scramble eggs, I know that sounds treasonous but it's good

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 week ago (7 children)

I mean generally the secret to making anything good is to make it 20-60% butter and then add heavy cream.

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[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The whole thing sounds treasonous.

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[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

I dump them in a measuring beaker with melted butter and microwave for two 60 second stretches, whisking in between with a fork 😁 So fancy

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[–] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

+1

I saw that video at least 10 years ago and can't bring myself to do it any other way.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago

I always make my grilled cheese sandwich the way he does

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[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

I will keep saying this:

Socioeconomically disadvantaged young dudes are angry.

Instead of broadly shaming them for that, relate to that anger, temper it, show them how to use it in a controlled manner, and point it toward something useful, constructive.

Give them a rules-based, defined, productive outlet for it.

If you just tell them to bottle it up... they will eventually explode, and cause collateral damage.

How sad is it that a goofily angry man on the TV is a better parent than anon's parents?

Well, it doesn't matter how sad it is, because most parents these days are working too many jobs for not enough money, to even possibly be decent parents.

Thats just reality.

... You wanna beat the fascists at their game of weaponizing male insecurity and angst?

Provide a better version of channeling that insecurity and angst: Give them a framework for thinking and acting that they can channel the anger and energy into genuienly useful and productive forms.

Actually show them a positive, socially beneficial form of masculinity, that gives them their own identity, instead of a cultic group identity.

[–] Flower@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

How sad is it that a goofily angry man on the TV is a better parent than anon’s parents?

Some even say Star Trek TNG characters were their role models because it were the first adults actually acting as adults they were exposed to.

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[–] Juice@midwest.social 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

beat the fascists

The people telling boys to bottle up their emotions are the fascists. I don't mean that everyone who has said this is ideologically fascist, but that's a practice that, like you said, it only causes problems in society. The fascist impulse, the Hitler particle exists inside a lot of regular people and is reinforced by our social institutions especially the exploiting workplace.

There is a larger cultural issue at play here, but culture is dependent on the economic factors, and vice-versa

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

No, the fascists scapegoat minorities and direct that rage towards them. Rage can be sated vicariously and ICE, the police, and the military provide that when they are vicious to out groups. It functions like bottling it up in the long run though because that violence doesn't resolve any of the actual sources of that rage. Relief doesn't require an outlet for the rage but a resolution for its source.

[–] Juice@midwest.social 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Are you disagreeing with me? I agree with everything you say. Even your emphasis on subjective human emotion leading to objective action or consequence is spot on.

Fascism is a byproduct of capitalism. Oppressing outgroups is a needed function of the state, just like keeping a middle class is a needed function of a state, and the two functions are deeply connected.

Fascist rage is Middle class fear. Middle class fear comes from constant threat of financial ruin, and humiliation. Telling people not to show distress is a way of keeping people from sharing their distress, and organizing themselves along the material basis of that distress.

If something bad is happening at work, but something worse might happen if i sign a union card, then i might not sign that card. Hell, i'll probably even tell myself that its not that bad, I'll suck it up, its hard but thats what makes me deserve it, which means that other guy deserves what he got, which means the boss deserves what he got.

Then the boss gives me a manager position for being company material. And I'll tell the employees to suck it up when they have problems, because that's what I know. Fucking people over becomes a virtue, showing emotion or caring about people gets considered a weakness. And that suits the bosses, the capitalists, just fine. Sound familiar?

Fascism is just scab ideology. Its the belief that what is best for society is for me to screw over everyone around me, except the boss who abuses me a little less for it.

You say that violence doesn't fix the problem, but thats because it doesn't fix our problems. If, from someone's perspective, the problems of society are :

  1. The poors are actin up
  2. Capitalists aren't making money fast enough and need to force people to take lower wages
  3. Fascists don't have state power
  4. A large group of workers needs divided (read violently oppressed)

Then fascism might be the answer to the problem. Fascism isn't an idea in someone's brain, it is a set of circumstances in society. Problems in society make some people want to change society to eliminate the problems, and other people who want to benefit personally from the continuation of those problems, and creation of new ones. The first group wants to hear your grievances, and the second group wants to shut you up.

Have you ever read What is National Socialism?

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[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Look, it might be fake, but these stories annoy me because the way people are treated by their family influences their behaviour. "For once my family isn't angry with me" - the same story everywhere. NEETs idn't stand a chance

[–] IronBird@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

fake - annon's family is definitely still disappointed in them

gay - doing things for other people

[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Gay: anon likes Gordon Ramsay

Double Gay: anon cooks

Fake: anon's family isn't angry or disappointed

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[–] orenj@leminal.space 13 points 1 week ago

aaw. I hope that this greentext in particular was real.

[–] rustyfish@piefed.world 10 points 1 week ago

Pumpkin soup fucking slaps!

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I found the recipe! Might try my hand at it, it's Autumn here and the recipe looks good. (I might end using butternut squash instead though.)

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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 6 points 1 week ago

Plausible green text 👍

[–] peetabix@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I remember when Jamie Oliver first started his Naked Chef series in the UK. He was getting a load of hate from guys because their girlfriends/wives expected them to do their share of cooking. They used to shout at him in the street.

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 3 points 1 week ago

There was an entire Jamie Oliver hate site and forum. Good times.

[–] tgcoldrockn@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Studio Ramsay bots astroturfing 4chan is the 21st century we wanted.

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