this post was submitted on 19 Jun 2025
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I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story π
What story is that?
Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most peopleβs digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.
I think this is the most famous.
They have apparently changed the recipe since then.
https://youtu.be/ks2fVj_pMXk
Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.
The artificial sweetener in question is maltitol.
Also, under no circumstances should you ever use it to make jello shots and give them to your asshole neighbor for the party they're about to host
I thought it was xylitol?
No, maltitol is the one that gives everyone the immediate shits.
Personally, I use erythritol as a sugar replacer. While it can cause some bowel activity in large amounts, it takes a few hours to kick in and is more akin to eating a bunch of fiber
Not one, but a full bag of them.
Not a full bag, just a few gummy bears. Maltitol is not to be trifled with
Search for "Sugar free gummy bears review". There are a TON of super funny stories out there. All of them meme worthy
The story of peanutbitter
What's that?
It was a funnyjunk user who ate a whole bag of sugar free gummy bears and showed what the aftermath was of that decision
Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.
I'mma need the story link, officer.
The .... What?
Only thing thatβs got me better is the beans story.
This isn't real, you're just baiting because it's lemmy... Right? ....Right?
I did choose my wording purposefully due to our relationship with beans, but I assure you itβs real and worth finding
There's too many beans stories and search sucks these days... I just went on a tangent and read my daily limit of green texts
It is fun to know there's a story out there I've yet to come across though, I'm sure I'll stumble upon it someday
Apologies friend, I'm having trouble finding it myself. But it's a longer, more elaborate version of the "this nigga eating beans" meme that really punches it up with that greentext storytelling flair. If I ever find it again, I'll post it here in your honor.
When ChatGPT was new, I had it rewrite that story in the style of Stephen King. I remember it ended with something like, "And in that theater, some say they can still hear the sound of a fork scraping the inside of a can of beans."