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Are most men not whiling to adopt? (lemmy.zip)

submitted 1 month ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world

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The only way I'll ever have children is through adoption but it seems most guys want biological children.

Most of the guys I met would say that they fear that they wouldn't see an adopted child as theirs which honestly breaks my heart a little.

I did some research and apparently most adoptive parents generally chose that option because the man is infertile, not the other way around.

So it would seem like most men are only contemplating adoption if they're infertile themselves but if their partner is they'll prefer to just get a different girlfriend over adopting kids.

Let me know if you think this is not the case, I want to believe you.

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[–] Nergon@piefed.social 0 points 1 month ago

I always wanted children, but I never felt it was a wise decision because I struggled to balance my career aspirations, education, and personal life. My ex wife flip-floped between wanting a child and wanting to kill herself. Our lives were so out or balance, and we were terribly uncomfortable how we were living. We worked so hard to build a life together, and we wanted a child, but we both knew it would sacrifice what little stability and free time for recouperatuon we enjoyed.

I brought up adopting many times, but my wife was always the one opposed to it. I thought it could be a good compromise to adopt a child who was slightly older, 8+. The older the kid, the less likely they are to be adopted. I felt we could help a child in need, and it would allow us to skip some of the most sleep depriving and challenging years of raising a kid.

Ultimately, she was opposed because she felt she had "good genes" that deserved to be passed on, and she didn't feel confident she'd be able to love a child that wasn't hers biologically. That perspective was fundamentally incompatible with my own, and the conflict it caused was never resolved. It poisoned the relationship and we separated.

So, there's at least one man who was more than willing to adopt. Me.