Ask Men

40, cis, never been sexually active.

I feel like I'm crazy for even asking this. When I try to google for anything about anxiety from not masturbating, all I get are a) results about anxiety/guilt from masturbating, b) articles about how women shouldn't feel inhibited from masturbation (which is great, mind you, but not what I'm looking for), c) things about social/relationship things with regard to masturbation, d) alt-right #nofap propaganda, and e) just stuff that seems completely irrelevant to what I'm talking about. I just generally haven't had any luck finding any similar experiences or information about anything remotely like this online.

But I feel like I've been caught in a vicious cycle for a while now. I randomly skip a day or two, feel demotivated, and end up not masturbating for a week or more just because I'm so depressed and anxious and completely not in any sort of mood to do so. A part of me has thought that maybe it's just natural that at 40 my sex drive should be lower, but every time I start masturbating daily again, my mood improves until the next time I skip for a day or two and the doldrums take hold.

I don't think this is any kind of OCD thing where I'm making myself anxious by obsessing that I'm not horny or that I'm not masturbating either.

This isn't new, really. I've known for many years that I get depressed if I don't masturbate. But it's much more pronounced now than it used to be by a long shot.

Another thing I wonder is whether this might be an indicator of low T. I've heard some sources say (though they're mostly drowned out by the cacophony of bro-science #nofap bullshit to the contrary) that masturbation does boost testosterone, at least acutely. Maybe (lots of speculation here, but) masturbating regularly keeps my baseline testosterone levels closer to normal than not masturbating does and if I don't masturbate for a while, my testosterone levels dip lower for longer periods, worsening symptoms. And if that's the issue, maybe TRT would be warranted. (IANAD. Can you tell?)

It's just really weird how the whole internet doesn't seem to know that's a thing that can be, but it's a major part of my day-to-day experience.

Is this anything that anyone here can relate to or give any insight into at all?

On social media, when someone posts their relationship and whatever and they get left with mean comments, do you think those people are poor?

Personally, I think people who troll and leave mean comments are poor because rich people tend to know better, and rich people have lives, so they don't really care enough about what other people who they don't know are doing; they have lives. Poor people don't; they are working-class people with nothing better to do, so of course they are going to troll on social media. You expect that from poor people.

A couple days ago, I ordered books, and they were delivered to my neighbor’s house. Last night, I ordered something else and it said it was four stops away, and now I can’t even see the driver. Instead, it just says ‘Out for delivery. We are sorry for the delay.’ Is there a reason these Amazon drivers can’t do their jobs right? They’re making $18–$20 per hour driving a truck and delivering packages, and they still can’t do it correctly? Maybe we should lower their salaries.

My uncle is hosting Thanksgiving. My aunt is apparently going to be there with her significant other. Their goddaughter is going to be there; overall, 18 people are going to be there, and I don't feel like faking.

For context, I don't give a fuck about anyone; I truly don't. Not my "family" or my "friends" – all my social interactions I fake. I fake like I care about my friends and their kids. Overall, I pretty much just fake my human interactions, and right now I just don't feel like faking.

Like, I really don't want to be around those people. I really don't.

Title.

Sorry for the super odd question - I started wondering when writing from a male character's perspective - but yeah, does it feel different to have tears running down your face with a beard vs. without? What happens to tears when they reach your beard? Do they hang on to the first few hair they touch, or do they run through the beard?

Let's say there is a 28-year-old woman with a 6-figure job dating a 22-year-old in college who may have a part-time job while in school and still lives with their parents. How would you feel about this relationship? Would you wonder what the woman sees in the guy?

Some parents don't want their kids becoming investment bankers because they work 80-100 hours a week; a lot work 9AM-4AM. But guess what? This is a prestigious job, and the money is great, so if you don't want your kid doing it, you are a horrible parent.

I feel like my family is super hypocritical when it comes to this. My mom, aunt, and cousin tell me things like:

“You need to bring something to the table in a relationship.”

“You both need to pour into each other.”

“You need a job to date.”

Etc., etc.

Okay — so today we were talking about wealthy people and what we’d do if we had hundreds of millions or even a billion dollars. I said I’d probably send my kids to an elite private school. They asked, “Why?”

I said, “My son wouldn’t date a Starbucks barista, and my daughter wouldn’t date the pizza guy.”

These same family members immediately said that was classist and wrong, and that money shouldn’t be a determining factor in a relationship.

…Umm, what?!

These were the same people who said: “You need to bring something to the table.” “You both need to pour into each other.”

Okay — then why wouldn’t the same logic apply to me in this scenario? What would some pizza delivery guy bring to the table for a billionaire heiress? Same with my son. If anything, shouldn’t he be dating someone who also comes from a wealthy or noble family?

I changed the scenario again and asked them: “If I were a lawyer or had some other high-paying job, and I chose not to date a poor woman — is that wrong?”

They said it was wrong and dumb.

Do you see the glaring hypocrisy?

Edit: What would you think about a 28 year old wealthy woman dating a 22 year old college student? Do you think the 22 year old could not bring anything to their relationship?

If you were extremely wealthy (hundreds of millions or over a billion), you wouldn't be famous; you would just be a very wealthy person (lottery, business, investing, high-income job, whatever). Would your extended family know you are wealthy, or would you be very vague around them and not flash your wealth?

I mean, I would have to assume so, right? Because, like, just because Jeffrey Dahmer ate Black guys exclusively and then went and ate a white guy doesn’t mean he’s still not a cannibal.

My uncle is hosting Thanksgiving; there are 18 people going, including my parents, and I truly do not want to go.

Football fans who don’t have a ‘favorite’ NFL team — why is this?

Clark and Lois are not as attentive to Jon's needs as they are to Jordan's, but their reaction (or lack thereof) to Jon breaking his arm was particularly egregious. One line that stood out to me was when Lois said, "It could have been worse," in response to Jon being upset about getting hurt and possibly not being able to play football again. It came across as incredibly dismissive and callous. This is compounded by the fact that neither of them bothered to check on Jon when he stormed off. (In fact, he is not seen again for the remainder of the episode.) In short, Jordan seems to get all the attention and support, while Jon is basically expected to take everything on the chin while also being a "good brother".

Don't get me started on the XK. Jon doing drugs is not wrong, especially in comparison to all the lies Clark and Lois told them. Jonathan has no powers, and Jordan does. Clarke spends more time with Jordan. He doesn’t realise that he’s doing real harm by spending most of his time with Jordan. That’s why he took the drug in the first place, but of course Clark doesn't care about this.

Honestly, Clark was a terrible father. Logan Roy from Succession is objectively and factually the better father because at least his kids get nice clothes, nice cars, jets, luxury, etc.; their lives are 100% better than Jonathan's.

If your girlfriend makes a lot more than you, and she pays for your dates, trips, etc., do you feel bad about it or no?

https://old.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/1o1juf3/how_would_you_react_if_you_were_in_this_situation/nihgrgs/

That thread on that post surprised me.

How many CIS men here use testosterone for gender affirming care ?

I’m writing an 18+ superhero story. My main character is a young man/woman (I don’t know their gender yet). They are a stripper and get powers from overdosing on a street drug that gives you superpowers. After that, their 31-year-old boyfriend dies (he’s older than my main character). My character decides to find his killer and originally plans to kill them but chooses justice over revenge and hands them over to the police, and then they decide to become a superhero vigilante.

Really this origin story is about love and justice VS revenge. It’s a young man or woman in love with a slightly older man or woman with baggage, and when they are murdered, my main character with their superpowers has to decide how they move forward. They know they are taking the law into their own hands, but will he/she choose revenge or justice? Will they let their hate and grief control them to murder the killer, or do the right thing and honor the boyfriend/girlfriend and bring their killer to justice?

It's about how these people murdered this innocent man/woman that my main character loved. The pain you gave was unprovoked, but despite all this, they know the boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn't want them to become a murderer and get revenge, so they decide to send them to prison. They choose justice despite in their hearts wanting to kill them.

What could make the tragedy even heavier is if, before the person is killed, they cheat on their partner with an ex. They get into a heated argument with that ex, yell, and then immediately regret it. Feeling awful about what happened, they confess everything to their partner and genuinely beg for forgiveness. But the partner leaves. Heartbroken and jealous, knowing the person truly loved their partner more, the ex kills them. This adds to the survivor’s guilt—if they had stayed, they might’ve saved them. It also brings a more mature layer to the relationship, showing how people can make a terrible mistake, feel genuine remorse, and still seek forgiveness.

How old do you think my character is?

Do you think 21-, 22- and 23-year-old women and men should be allowed to consent to sex with older adults 10-20 years older than them? Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. One could argue that an adult in their 40s or 50s who chooses to date someone 21-23 or 22-24 deserves to die. I have heard these arguments before.

What do you think?

I made a post on Showerthoughts saying if you are a guy and you are a virgin at 22 years old, you are fucked because most women in their 20s have sexual experience, so if you are a 22-year-old guy, a woman who’s 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, or 30 wouldn’t want to date you because they have sexual experience already.

However, I could be wrong, so do some women with sexual experience date a virgin? If so, why?

cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/46807163

Since this post posted in /c/womensstuff, a community that prohibits male participation, showed up on the front page of All I'm cross-posting it to a space where men can chime in and answer/discuss it freely.

If you've followed the news recently, there's a trend of young men joining fascist fight clubs. How can we stem the tide? What underlying issues are causing this?

So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

i’m a 27 year old single mom and i have a 12 year old son (yes i had him at 15) and i feel terrible because i’m kind of behind on all of the talks about puberty/hormones/healthy masturbation and i definitely think discussing these things are important for young boys. however, because his father is out of the picture, i’m not quite sure how to go about teaching him about hygiene/shaving down there and discussing topics like porn/masturbation. i have had a small talk with him about whether he would be comfortable talking to me about this things or a male figure like my dad or brother, and he did say he was more comfortable with me so any help would be appreciated :)

I’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old son (Yes I was 15 when I had him) and I got out of a physically/sexually abusive relationship with my son’s biological father a few years ago. I haven’t had any serious relationships since then, but recently I’ve been feeling kind of lonely and exhausted since I work two jobs and take care of my son. I was planning on getting back into dating, so I was wondering if I could get a man’s perspective on how to navigate dating as a single mom since most men aren’t willing to take on my “baggage” (Hate this term). I’ve been hit on quite a few times by men my age in public places when i’m alone on the street or at the gym, but when I tell them I have a kid they seem to be immediately disinterested. (Not necessarily blaming them)

I’m looking for a long term partner who is obviously very willing to take on the task of being a father. Outside of great personal qualities, I’d like someone who can help me financially just enough so I can quit one of my jobs and provide a great life for my son. Sexual compatibility would be a bonus as well lol. I definitely want to make sure they are the one before I bring them home to my son, and I also want to make sure my son is comfortable around them as well. Dunno if I’m asking for too much? I would love some advice from a man’s perspective because it feels like there’s so much to consider. How early do I tell someone about my kid? If they are fine with a kid, are they willing to support me somewhat financially? What if my son doesn’t like them? It feels like I’m asking for so much out of a man that’s already impossible to find.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

Edit: Thank you all so much for your advice! I just met a single dad at the park while we were watching our kids and he asked me out for lunch. He seems like a good guy, he was playful towards my son, so maybe something can come out of this.