“We love you”.
My father REALLY enjoyed physically and emotionally us (myself and two younger siblings). The best part being that my sister was already quite messed up from her pre adoption life since she was found starving, dying of exposure and having signs of horrendous physical abuse. “Get the shoe” was my favorite game… if either of us made the mistake of a shoe that wasn’t hard enough to bruise badly, things would go much worse for us.
My mother was a cold narcissist. Well regarded biochemist who didn’t believe in western medicine and was convinced she was a psychic healer. So instead of surgery for a severe TBI at 7 with a significant swelling AND a few rounds of seizures, I was given spinach smoothies and good vibes. My head still hurts. She also had to top me on ANY success, so that helped.
She had a massive stroke in 2022 probably due to knowing better than doctors how to deal with both high blood pressure and VERY high cholesterol. Then died late last year from the flu, most likely refusing to get vaccinated as you do when you’re already in a compromised state.
I shrugged.
My father is in very poor shape, also partly due to her being in charge of his health care after two devastating tropical diseases (yellow fever then dengue), both followed by walking pneumonia. Then later two “stroke like events” that both require hospitalization.
I expect another shrug coming soon.
I don’t think I’m a monster. But having let go of my hatred for these two “parents” left me with nothing but apathy for them.
Sadly my grandparents were either far away (father’s parents, both a handful of nonsense) or dead (mother’s mother died when I was 6, father when my mother was 8).
They are/were silent generation, but born just before the baby boom. So despite both growing up in pretty bad poverty, they lived in a time of prosperity that is hard to comprehend now. Probably why they could afford to adopt a foreign born child in the early 70s, along with many other fiscal excesses.
I’m happy with my family of choice. Wife of 37 years, wonderful granddaughter who got married this past weekend and some truly odd choices like my wife’s ex-husband’s estranged second wife who we sort of adopted into close family.
Also, it was my aunt (mother’s best friend from childhood) who raised me. She lived with us from the time my mother’s mother was dying until I left for college. I’m still very close with her and dread her loss as I see health issues mounting.