Sunshiner

I feel like a failure in all walks of life.

I have a 6-week old puppy that I'm struggling to care for due to my major depression. At the same time, I don't want to let her go because it'll be lonely. I make sure she eats before me, but lately she's been sick. Diarrhea and bleeding. Just recently she stopped whining when I leave her in her cage.

I tried to lift diapers for her from Walmart but they caught me. I didn't want her to be in the cage for so long so I figured if she had diapers, she could wander around. The LP man asked me to come into the room and sit down. He asked if I had an ID. I nodded and gave it to him. My mind is in a blur. I didn't say much as he was putting me in their database. I expected him to be firm, but he talked to me so gentle as if I was a lost puppy myself. He told "be careful, okay?" and not to do it again else they'd have to take me to jail. Said I'm free to go, opened the door for me and said have a good day. It broke me when I got out of there. I cried down the road. I don't know what prompted him to respond so gently to me. I guess they're trained to do that.

I struggle in envisioning anything. My world is just foggy and bleak. I don't strive towards anything. Everyday I wake up for no reason, the dog is the only reason at the moment, and even that is overwhelming. Still I love her, but she deserves better.

Black socialists know the struggle when it comes to discussing socialist ideas with a liberal of the same kinfolk. I use to think there was something wrong with them, but that's the wrong perspective.

I've been going down a trip in memory lane of the persuasion books I stored back when I was a liberal, and they all have one thing in common, capitalist ideology, but easy to read and digest. Maybe there can be a socialist or communist version?

I'm aware there may be books on this matter but not catered to black liberals, so anyone will do.

I'm currently writing notes myself and plan to start a small practice journey testing the notes I've made. Then I will write my observations and put them in a book itself, get feedback, edit and share amongst others. Hopefully I can collaborate with others on the matter as well.

So my grandmother is a zealot, black Christofascist who believes in the second-coming. For centuries they have been trying to "trick God" into triggering a second coming with the Muslim vs Christian wars and nothing happened. This time, my grandmother thinks it's serious. She thinks that there's going to be a New world order.

She has contradictions in her opinions. She believes that the bible says when Israel is surrounded by armies, something is about to happen. But she also believes Jesus will spawn in Israel and completely destroy it.

Anyway, the main point is that she believes the U.S will be defeated or weakened by Russia and China, and that the U.S will have to join the EU. She believes the U.S of America will become the U.S of Europe. So basically rename the U.S. She also claims that there's a big post office being built in Europe and that's where American mail will go through from then on.

I know her ideas seem crazy, but I want to know where they stem from. They stem from many places I can tell. She's super deluded on this idea.

What is your routine when it comes to surfing on the internet? Do you remain anonymous at all times? Is there only one browser you use or a few? I'm quite new to this stuff and wonder what a pirate's usual routine is. I wonder if I should get the onion browser and use that only, or alternate between opera and the tor browser. Also, what efficient and smart methods do you guys use? (no i'm not fbi lol, im a 16 year old loser)

Thinking of living in my car for a few months when I graduate, and probably will need a gun for safety. What would be a great gun to start with? Preferably affordable please