this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2025
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R/trans is a fucking mess (lemmy.world)
submitted 10 months ago by andros_rex@lemmy.world to c/ftm@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Not me, but if you’ve been following the drama, they removed this post about the unique issues we face as “divisive.”

It fucking sucks. There’s been a lot of discussion in other trans masc spaces about “transandrophobia” and this seems to absolutely demonstrate it. We aren’t treated seriously in spaces that should be welcoming for us.

People assume “trans” means trans woman. Spaces for trans people are often for trans women. Jamison Green wrote a while back about us not really having our own community, decades ago, and it still feels true today.

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[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Reddit and discord are fundamentally unsafe places for trans people, any queer communities there are intentionally or unintentionally helping prevent people from moving to more safe platforms.

[–] peregrin5@piefed.social 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

why Discord? isn’t it moderated mostly by the people who start the communities like Lemmy? (genuinely asking because I don’t know)

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The problem is Discord servers have become too large and too public, that leads to a lot of trolls and bad actors.

[–] RandomVideos@programming.dev 0 points 10 months ago

Not all discords servers are large and not all of them allow bad actors to exist

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I know tons of trans people on discord. What makes it unsafe for them?

[–] FerretyFever0@fedia.io 0 points 10 months ago

I wouldn't personally call the whole platform unsafe. A lot of big servers, yeah not gonna be too great.

[–] Gustephan@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I think there's a disconnect between people who use discord as an IM client and people who use discord as a way to find communities. Ive been using discord since like the friends and family alpha, and I've never once joined a server that was larger than "4-12 people I know irl who hate group texts." The way I understand and think about discord is drastically different from somebody who uses it more like a decentralized forum full of hobby or creator driven communities. I'd guess that the latter half is what is being referred to as dangerous for trans folk, but again I cannot confirm as discord is functionally equivalent to like MSN messenger for me

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 0 points 10 months ago

I'm part of some pretty large discord communities and I wouldn't describe any of them as hostile to trans people. However, I am not trans, so I was curious if there was some insight I was missing out on.

[–] RandomVideos@programming.dev 0 points 10 months ago

Discord has been really useful to find and talk to other trans people

[–] 6mementomorib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

to answer to anyone asking why discord, any community that doesn't have a focus on queer topics, statistically is not great for trans folk. Many big communities are, yes, but you also have to remember discord has a LOT of servers.

[–] Sunshine@lemmy.ca 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I heard of people attacking the suggestion of switching to Matrix claiming they “want to remain accessible”. When the clients Cinny and Fluffy Chat blow Discord out of the water.

[–] oftheair@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

To be fair Matrix does lack a lot of features still. Video and voice calls are a mess, there's not the equivelent of voice channels afawk.

For those of us who are plural, there's no plural kit alternative (at least not widely avaliable), the moderation tools and permissions systems are a joke (we should know we used to moderate a whole server and several spaces). The search is really bad or non existent in several clients.

A lot of this is because those behind matrix are more concerned with corporations and their needs than the common user, and keep making really ridiculous and assinine decisions; like keeping matrix.org as open signups until it becomes too big to moderate and they have to start charging people for the privelege of decent performance, instead of what they should have done a long time ago and shutting their doors so as to encourage federation.

Matrix is actually not at all well thought through or accessible, we have never and will never use discord, but we can't deny they have a point.

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[–] rizzothesmall@sh.itjust.works 0 points 10 months ago

All of Reddit is a fucking mess. Never look back

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago

I was ban on reddit from r/bicycling for posting about brand reliability and quality scopes when I was a buyer for a chain of bike shops for years. The mod was a deeply narcissistic cop IRL. Moderation has a tendency to attract narcissists and that is the key underlying issue. If admin fail to remove the narcissistic fools, it causes a lot of real world harm. As a mod myself, I am a janitor. I do not matter. I do not micromanage. The community flags are my primary means of action. When a flag is made, I sort through it and give the benefit of the doubt in all possible cases. You have a right to a bad day and to be wrong, but if someone makes some HRT comment negatively, I will absolutely crush that bug. A good mod is invisible and serves the community without egotism. That is not the case on reddit in many communities and there are no effective measures taken to remedy the problem. It hurts a lot of good people.

[–] renamon_silver@lemmy.wtf 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Is there an initiative to spread the information of this space to ftms on reddit? No, they should not feel pushed out of a supposed trans space on reddit, but if there is transphobia from the mod team, knowledge of this space would be beneficial.

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago

R/ftm might be a good place to post. I’ve been banned so many times that any new account gets auto shadowbanned.

[–] LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

Wild. The reddit trans community has always had problems but this is absolutely ridiculous. Removing a post about erasure of transmasc issues is a frankly incredible level of callous detachment. The queer community has always denigrated and mistreated the transmasculine community. It's at least somewhat heartening to see some outrage in the comments. But the moderation team should be thrown out over this. Bigotry and erasure have no place in queer communities.

[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Just for clarity, "asshole" is still gender-neutral, right?

[–] MoonRaven@feddit.nl 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah, you can even get ranks in it. Like Major Asshole.

[–] katja@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

Or General Asshole.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

(Almost) Everyone has one, and anyone can definitely be one.

[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

Trans sister here. This is awful. I absolutely stand behind my trans brothers and things like this bring us ALL down.

P.S. I didn't find anything in the community details. If you'd rather not have me in here (the line about needing a transmasc community of your own is not lost on me) I'll delete my replies and be on my way, no hard feelings.

[–] mortemtyrannis@lemmy.ml 0 points 10 months ago (4 children)

There is a PhD in here somewhere about how deeply rooted patriarchal influences are even with the queer community.

Trans men aren’t taken seriously because they were AFAB.

Trans women control trans spaces because they were AMAB.

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I think we need to be extremely careful about word choice and examining the underlying sentiments when talking about anything that goes anywhere near ‘trans women have male privilege.’ I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing or that you believe that, but arguments that hinge on gender essentialism (which I believe a lot of the AMAB/AFAB ‘discourse’ winds up being/turns into) should be avoided. Both because gender essentialism in general is a flawed lens to view the world with, and because I don’t think I’ve ever once seen a productive conversation about it. At least not online.

I’m a trans guy and I’ve seen the kind of behavior in the OP online for around 20 years and I have no hope it will stop any time soon. It’s depressing AF and the only solution I’ve found is to drop spaces that tolerate that like a hot potato. That’s a lot of potato dropping, but it’s better than hanging around a space with people who make you miserable.

[–] mortemtyrannis@lemmy.ml 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

I am effectively saying that trans women have pseudo vestiges of male privilege.

It’s just a thesis statement though, I don’t know if that actually holds water. Feel free to challenge that.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that gender essentialism is bunk.

However just because it is bunk doesn’t mean people don’t unconsciously bias themselves and perpetuate it.

[–] xXemokidforeverXx@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

I think if that were the case we'd see enbies who were AMAB holding more privilege in queer spaces but that doesn't tend to be the case. If anything, they are one of the most overlooked groups.

[–] fracture@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

i'd like to see more than "i don't know if it holds water", especially since you don't couch it nearly as well in your previous post bringing it up

a thesis is on the onus of who brings it up to substantiate it; if you can't defend it, i would question the wisdom of bringing it up in an already contentious conversation

[–] mortemtyrannis@lemmy.ml 0 points 10 months ago

I mean I’d have to flesh out an essay to really make a conclusion either way.

Sorry if my assertion offended you that wasn’t the intent.

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[–] dil@lemmy.zip 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

trans women control non trans womens spaces too, like arent they moderating all of them on reddit, I remember some mild controversy, the penis leads

[–] Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

> frames point in terms of AGAB language > point is essentialist bullshit that equates to "trans women are functionally men and trans men are functionally women"

Every time. Fuck off.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago

We are mad at the evil AMABs right now sweaty, it's not the time to look at how we frame things.

[–] domo@pizza.enby.city 0 points 10 months ago

@Walk_blesseD I'm just here to compliment your minthara profile pic. Fire :painting_nails_with_fire:

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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 0 points 10 months ago

This isn't the point of the post, at all, and I'm not trans, but I love you all and want you to live your truth.... But as a straight/cis male/man, I've been called a bitch, and I've been told that I'm bitchy or bitching....

It's really not an exclusively gendered term anymore

[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

As a trans woman I wish that others in the community would be treated better. Trans means all trans people and that means enbies, men, and women.

I think that people generally associate trans with trans women because of the media. If we are scary then we are a more effective scapegoat. It's easier to make trans women scary because they can brand us as perverted men.

I am also aware that there are significantly more trans women in online spaces than trans men. I also see people complaining about more trans women being moderators but of course that's going to be the case when we make up a larger percentage of the user base. I have no idea what to do about this. I would like there to be as many trans men as there are trans women in these spaces but idk what can even be done to achieve that. I talked about this before with a trans man I know and we both had zero idea how to do that.

[–] EmptySlime@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Trans means all trans people and that means enbies, men, and women.

Yes! My gods the experience I had when I first started actually figuring things out around 10 years ago was horrible because of people not getting this. I tried to join a few online communities that claimed to be for trans people or at least trans inclusive and it was such a horrible experience. Multiple large communities the literal second they learned I'm AMAB and not on HRT I either got outright banned, told my existence was triggering to other members and I should either leave or not participate in any discussions, or told that I'm not actually nonbinary.

That I just have too much "internalized transmisogyny" and I'll be so much happier once my egg cracks the rest of the way. The last one particularly hurt because I'd had an entire gender crisis back in high school and I literally told them that the idea of being a woman felt just as wrong but in different ways as being a man and they just laughed at me like I didn't know what I was talking about. Took me so long to actually start willingly engaging with trans communities again.

[–] Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yes! Enbies are valid and there are so many ways to transition. I always say to just do what makes you happy because everyone is different and there is no "correct" way, just different ways.

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[–] Triasha@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

God I'm sorry.

It should be so simple. Not taking hormones doesn't mean you aren't trans.

If someone else is uncomfortable that should be their problem. It's true for us and that includes you.

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[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

Dude, fuck ALL reddit. That place is worse than Twitter, now.

[–] KAtieTot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

I mean, even if it's a trans community, it is on reddit.

Trans men are men.

[–] amino@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

maybe trans men would be treated more seriously by trans women if they didn't use straight-up MRA talking points like androphobia.

reminds me of cis dudes trying to make themselves the "real" victims of patriarchy.

you're oppressed for being trans, not for being a man. therefore the andro in transandrophobia is entirely unnecessary.

after misogyny became a popular term due to the feminist movement, men tried making misandry be a real term for experiencing oppression by women. after Black Lives Matter, there were the white people using All Lives Matter as a pro-cop dogwhistle.

[–] lenya@piefed.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

People assume “trans” means trans woman.

I used to think that a majority of trans people were women, because that's the representation I encountered most online. It was rather surprising for me then to, in a Polish book about transgender experiences, read a psychologist (or therapist? I can't remember exactly) say that they usually had trans men visit them and that trans women were somewhat of a rarity. It makes me wonder if this gender disparity exists in any form in reality and why representation online seems to focus around trans women more often.

The book I mention is Ciała obce by Paula Szewczak.

[–] Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 0 points 10 months ago

Yeah most trans subs are fucking abysmal every time there's a new round of intracommunity discourse. It really shouldn't be this hard to accept that different marginalised identities are affected in unique ways by various power structures in society and within communities, but no, it invariably turns into this shit-slinging contest between subsets of the community. I know a lot of people just genuinely hold these sort of attitudes, but I do wonder how much of it rises to the forefront of the discussion due to shit-stirring from bad actors outside of the community.

[–] Allemaniac@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

this sadly seems to be an age thing. LGBTQI+ was a taboo topic for centuries before the 2000s, it has become better but many older people can not comprehend that what they were taught all their life, to suddenly accept. I can observe this here in Germany, especially eastern Germany, most people over the age of 50 will not accept you, if you are different to their perceived norm

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