ncc21166

A new Executive Order is banning transgender health care on Federal Employee plans beginning in 2026.

How have you all coped with the early stages of medical and social transition? I'm in an in-between stage where I'm going to seriously start failing at boymode soon. I hate my old, gravelly, dysphoric voice and avoid it at all costs. I can't avoid certain undergarments at this point either, because a lack of support is a bit painful. I'm in the unfortunate position of not being able to even run errands because my ex-coworkers all go to the same local places and I'm not publicly out in my industry yet. The flip side is that if I went for femme-presenting, I'm quite visibly trans and it's entirely my face. There isn't much to do about that for some time yet.

I'm wondering how others go about finding a balance for being themselves, getting through a day, and not having to have this constant internal and external struggle of "who am I today?".

When I decided to finally begin medical transition, I agonized over where to even begin. I had a post here about finding medical professionals, and I did finally find somewhere that seemed like a good fit for me! Opened somewhat recently; a local university and teaching hospital started a "pride clinic" that was supposed to be a safe space for people who needed care that may have needs outside of the realm hetero-normative and cis-gendered people. The staff is (as far as I can tell) all part of the LGBTQIA+ community, or at least allies. I like going to this clinic because I don't just feel tolerated; I feel welcome!

I started HRT a few months ago. I was excited for estradiol no matter what form it came in, but they went with their organization's "standard of care" that was spironolactone and estradiol oral tablets, and some finasteride thrown in because, well, I'm old enough for hair loss to be a thing. I asked them if we could discuss injection monotherapy, and got a reply of "Sure, after your 3 month blood work". Two months in, I had to have a second set of labs done because the anti-androgens were wreaking havoc. Dizziness, fainting, high heart rate, low blood pressure, and several other issues. While I was generally happier and able to actually feel and express all the emotions that I couldn't before, the mood swings were so strong and so spikey that even my spouse was commenting on them. I was also frustrated with the lack of any physical changes to speak of, out side of maybe my scent changing for the better.

I started to pester the clinic to change my mode of therapy. After seeing a cardiologist who actually agreed with my concerns, I finally had my teaching appointment for estradiol valerate recently. I am in such a better place now! I have no mood swings, though I still get to keep my range of emotions. There is less random dizziness and no fainting. The best part is that there are physical changes coming along with the rest within a week of starting the injections. The litany of medications I took every day are gone, and the only thing that remains is a small shot once a week.

I'm celebrating a bit here, but I'm also recalling all of this to tell you that if you need something from a doctor, remind them that it's your healthcare you're looking after. Take an active role in it, including reading up on the benefits and drawbacks of what you're after and why. Sometimes you need to be your own advocate. I also want to point out that I'm still going to the same clinic. They're wonderful people providing great care in an environment that I have yet to find anywhere else! But, they're doing the job for so many patients that they sometimes just have to follow the guide book. Your care is for you, so make it personal

I was wondering if anyone has advice or pointers for meeting up with transgender folx and allies in "meatspace". I see postings for events all the time, but they're either for youth (which is great, we need to protect trans kids and promote their growth and well being!), or they're mixers. I'm happily married, can't drink alcohol, and was never a "club" type of person. There doesn't seem to be much else other than support groups, and the one meeting I ever attended showed that I was certainly not the intended audience. In my hobbies, you don't meet people even though you're in a sea of them (running and cycling) and my job is fully remote and niche, so that's not really a mingle opportunity either. I feel like I'm overwhelming my spouse with conversation as soon as they get home from work. They've taken to calling it "pumpking spice" every time I do, in reference to the Last Week Tonight bit about pumpkin spice season taking over everything. I guess I'm just looking to find others to relate to and make some acquaintances, or even friends, of people who would actually understand me. In our age range, this feels like it's a very difficult thing to do.

It finally happened. I lost so much weight that my tungsten-carbide wedding band doesn't fit anymore. It's definitely a 'masculine' design and felt like a good idea at the time. But since that material can't be resized and all the add-on sizing options are still too big, I'm at a loss for what to do. My spouse and I are still absolutely happily married and intend to remain that way. If anything, I think we've grown closer since I came out! I don't want to simply discard something that means so much to us both. I was hoping to hold out on buying a new one until my transition got to a point to renew our vows with my new name (and in a gorgeous dress!) but I'm curious if anyone else has been through this before? I was considering a necklace to hold onto it until then. I was about to type that I didn't want others to get the wrong impression about us (me with no ring, my spouse with the engagement ring and the band) out together but then I realized we're likely going to get awkward looks for a while anyway.

So, what do others think? What have you done if you've reached this point? Am I overthinking this?