Looks at the precise wording
The Yellow Slime Mold, I want to know what an amoeba thinks and what better than the worlds smartest one?
Picture for reference, and yes it's all one cell:
this post was submitted on 30 Jun 2026
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Asklemmy
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Crows. I think they would have stuff to say.
I suspect crows would be gossipy little old ladies.
You could also make it like a fun Hitchcock thing where you can tell them which influencer/scammer/politician to harass for a full day and just watch the chaos unfold.
They are known to hold inter-generational grudges.
Mess with one crow and it will warn the whole family about you.
Especially its children.
No joke.
So.... good luck.
Last spring (not this past spring, but last year) I came across a fledgling crow on the ground when I was walking my dog. It was on our normal dog walk route and I checked in on it daily, giving it space. After 3 days or so I gave it some water and did some reading about fledgling birds and all that. After it had been on the ground for a week I called an animal rescue and they came and checked on it and sure enough, it was injured so they took it.
Just about every day the crows caw and click at me when we walk. I don't know if they recognize us and are scolding us or if they're just doing crow things. I hope they dont think too poorly of me, I was trying to help.
Thatβs why I always tell my dog on walks βCrows are Brosβ and never let him bother them.
We've got a few crow friends, they follow us on our dog walk and will now come within 2 feet of our dog to ask for dog treats or peanuts. Another dog came near the crows and our dog went into guarding mode... So I think she figured out they are bros
I'll be careful
They, like parrots, can also mimic speech
They definitely knows something
Octopi would be awesome to speak with. Or really any intelligent deep sea creature
ohh I have so many questions for octopus. let me know if you develop this skill
cats, solely so i could speak to my little girl.
Trees
cats. they are either the dumbest creatures on the planet or the most cunning smartasses.
Agreed. I have one of each. Or at least thatβs how it seems. Maybe all cats are both at the same time?
Bees or ants. I wish to taste the hive mind.
Dogs or Cats.
Raccoons, possums or corvids.
Raccoons are just great, little treasure pandas. I would to live to know what they see, what their internal worlds are like.
Possums because theyβre an ancient linage of marsupial, an isolate and they would sure have some ancient lore and deep oral tradional.
Corvids because I wish to understand the inner machinations of their devious bird brains.
Dogs, but only so I can yell "bark" at them in their language
Ants in Gaelic.
- They're ubiquitous
- They have a very different lifestyle, so would be super interesting to talk to
- They eat all sorts of things, can get anywhere, and can fuck up electronics. Seems like a nice friend to have...
- They are warlike and territorial, so I'm hoping for some leeway in terms of judgment for what humans have done to the planet.
Gaelic because whimsy
Hmm seems smart but I mean I'd rather I only run the risk of saying the wrong thing to a species that's largely solitary or at least doesn't live in really big groups that engage in organised warfare. If I piss off one cat that's hopefully not as big a deal as pissing off a whole super colony of ants.
Cats, being a spell casting witch with a magical talking cat familiar would be amazing, we'd ride together on a flying broom at night beneath an unrealistically large full moon while clouds drift by. It would be truly meowgical. π± π§Ή π β¨
Like Sabrina?
https://youtu.be/FIA9yoDfCTs
I didn't even realize there was a cartoon version of Sabrina, but yea that was in inspiration.
Well, I have chickens, so that's the obvious answer. But I already know what they'd say and it amounts to "feed me" 24/7
So, the next obvious answer is dogs because I love them so much. But, beyond the fantasy of it, I suspect that would end up depressing as fuck because not every dog has a good life, so what they say might drive me to homicide.
Which leaves rats. I'd go with "rodents" given the choice, but if I can only pick one, rats are the most problematic overall. The chance to talk to them and maybe negotiate them buggering off instead of getting killed would be both awesome, and possibly profitable when successful.
Snarky reply: humans.
Actual reply: dogs. I already talk to my dog in English
Personally, I choose the Mourning Doves. I'd like to be able to let some of them know that it's ok to move if their significant other passes.
Also to use them to gather information, or send them on little flight retrieval missions for coins and trinkets and what not.
Most communication is based on the context of our society. I bet we wouldn't understand the context of Dolphins for example.
Better communicate with intention. When you make good intentions clear, have patients, move slow, etc, then you can attempt communication with many animals already.
I can communicate with my cat, and I understand perfectly when she wants dinner. I can signal her that she needs to wait for a little while. I can understand her frustration when the neighbor cat visits our garden. I can see in the neighbor's cat's eyes he just want to chill here because of his enthusiastic dog housemate. I still have to figure out what that blue-tit wants from me. I left him some fresh water, see where that goes. It could be it just tries to tell me it's a bit busy in the backyard...
have patients
Yes, Doctor.
Humans, of course.
I'd like to speak to tardigrades in Inuktitut. I'm pretty sure neither of us speak or understand it, it's just something I'd like to do.
Athene brama, Athene cunicularia, Athene noctua, Bubo ascalaphus, Bubo bubo, Bubo cinerascens, Bubo virginianus, Megascops kennicottii, Megascops asio, and the overly-specific list goes on (basically, Athene, Bubo, Megascops, maybe Micrathene and Glaucidium, but mostly the first triad I'm hyper-obsessed with because most of them share this same spiritual force, this same.... Lilithian energy, when they're not embodying Stolas (with his specific manifestation being, I guess, Bubo bubo)).
Maybe Corvus cornix and Corvus moneduloides (oh, hello, Lucifer, long time no see! How's it going?), maybe Dendroaspis polylepis as well.
As for the language? None in particular, maybe Enochian, Egyptian or Sumerian if I gained (through gnosis) the ability to understand these as if these were my secondary languages... but I guess this kind of communication benefits from some kind of telepathic, raw, non-linguistic communication, which would convey way more information than all human languages together, which have limits on what can be signified, with requirements of "beingness", "thingness" and "timefulness" (i.e. most languages can't translate the concept of "existent non-existence that have been happening since the eternal timelessness" without leading to this very kind of surreal phrasing between the quotes).
Bristlecone pine trees.
The answer is beetles I would command them to band together and take over the world.
Bottlenosed dolphins and then orcas.
Orcas are the smartest creatures on the planet,
so they'll have a lot to say.
But bottlenosed dolphins are animals I think we could actually learn their language most easily from, due to their interest in us.
And I would choose to communicate them in their language, because that's the most realistic.
And I've written down a method on how to do exactly that.
You just create an underwater vending machine for them that lists a couple of random nonsensical words dolphins are able to repeat, any of these nonsensical dolphin words is on order of a toy/food that if dolphin were to repeat, would be similar to a button press on the vending machine, delivering the toy of food item. Then after they have learned how to mimic these words, you then have the vending machine add an additional function where the dolphins can change the settings of the vending machine, thus giving the dolphins the opportunity to reprogram the spoken orders of the vending machine.
The idea is that they will naturally start to reprogram the vending machine to turn the random words into words of their own language.
SEALS