this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2026
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okmatewanker

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No foul language - i.e. French ๐Ÿคฎ

Obviously satire, dozy wankers

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[โ€“] Truscape@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[โ€“] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 0 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Weird day on Lemmy when animal murder is being celebrated.

Killing animals (without eating them) is serial killer shit.

[โ€“] Martineski@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 3 weeks ago

Eh, factory farming is messed up too even if you eat the bodies.

[โ€“] pilferjinx@piefed.social 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If any animal fucks around, they have to expect to find out. Feels like a golden rule situation.

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[โ€“] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 0 points 3 weeks ago

How do you know he didnโ€™t eat it?

You havenโ€™t had to deal with seagulls and it shows.

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[โ€“] Malyca@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Sometimes I think guys just aren't aware that you can't just kill things for stealing your chip

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[โ€“] reallyzen@lemmy.ml 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Watched The Lighthouse one time too much eh?

[โ€“] doomsdayrs@lemmy.ml 0 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (7 children)

yep, alas this comment section is a goldmine to block overly violent men.

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Completely reasonable and understandable

[โ€“] OwOarchist@pawb.social 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[โ€“] Canis_76@feddit.nl 0 points 3 weeks ago

Yes. A big fuck you to seagulls, and the half frogs that feed them. With love, NJ. While we're at it, genocide for all mosquitoes.

[โ€“] Draegur@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago

Don't steal my food unless you're prepared to taste defeat.
Gonna serve up a knuckle sandwich with a side of just desserts.

[โ€“] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[โ€“] P1k1e@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago

Rats ain't nearly as loud about being a pest

[โ€“] 4am@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago

Shoudinta pinched me chip

[โ€“] Kolanaki@pawb.social 0 points 3 weeks ago
[โ€“] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 0 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

You can't do that? I thought it was pretty badass, actually.

I'm an animal lover, but seagulls are a different story. They're the MAGAs of the bird world, and it's okay to smack one around if you catch one stealing from you.

[โ€“] certified_expert@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

They're the MAGAs of the bird world

lol

[โ€“] Janx@piefed.social 0 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
[โ€“] NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I grew up around the great salt lake where there are hordes of these mother fuckers, if you donโ€™t despise them as the devil spawn that they are then youโ€™ve never had to deal with them. I love animals, but I would support a seagull specific genocide.

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[โ€“] LePoisson@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Nah they're protected species in the UK. Idk what the law looks like elsewhere. It does seem a little cruel to punch the bird and it not die and then leave it to go wander off and die from its internal injuries. I'd have more respect it dude just broke its neck and have it a quick death.

Kind of reminds me of Canadian geese in the USA, I wish I could kill those bastards but they're protected. I don't know if it's possible to get a license to kill them or not, depends on how they're protected and the legislation around it - I'm too lazy to bother with any of that and don't hunt so wouldn't go through the hoops anyways. Those things are a menace and mean as hell a lot of times but you just live with it.

I'm curious now though if the USA has protections for seagulls or not.

[โ€“] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Yes, all types of gulls are protected by US federal law.

[โ€“] LePoisson@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago

Well there goes my dreams of building the ultimate gull crushing machine :(

[โ€“] CarstenBoll@feddit.dk 0 points 3 weeks ago

In Denmark they're everywhere in the cities too, only thing more frequent then these shitbirds is rats.

[โ€“] blargh513@sh.itjust.works 0 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

What? Why? There are literal flock of seagulls. We ain't gonna run out of em.

[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Exactly! Are fucking rats protected under federal law now too?

[โ€“] iamericandre@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago

See the slush fund and current administration

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[โ€“] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 0 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

... Why do you have this need to harm animals for behaving like animals? Did your mother not love you or something?

Seriously, you think it's normal wanting to kill animals just because something a few of them did annoyed you?

They didn't attack you

They didn't shit all over you

And even if they did... It's animals doing their thing, just let them. Whatever you think these birds did to you I guarantee you that humanity has treated them a hundred times worse. If anything, birds do have a reason to kill us

[โ€“] 0x0@infosec.pub 0 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Why are you trying to lecture that animal about animals? Did he shit all over you?

[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

You can hunt Canadian geese in Canada ironically. They're apparently not bad eating and the bag limit is 2-4 depending on which province.

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[โ€“] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

So you're not really an animal lover

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[โ€“] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago

Seagull fucked around and found out.

[โ€“] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago

I don't agree, but I understand

[โ€“] yakko@feddit.uk 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

They are a protected species, you know

[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I'm sure some of them are but they're an entire subfamily with dozens of genus and hundreds of species. Considering some are seemingly more common than rats, the chance he plucked an endangered one out of the air and punched it is really low.

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[โ€“] i_ben_fine@midwest.social 0 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
[โ€“] Malyca@lemmy.zip 0 points 3 weeks ago

Thank you! Somebody said it

[โ€“] HubertManne@piefed.social 0 points 3 weeks ago

yeah its something where me and my friends would be laughing so hard.

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[โ€“] Godric@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago
[โ€“] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago

well he's roit now innit

[โ€“] nothx@hexbear.net 0 points 3 weeks ago

This looks like the kind of guy who has experience punching things.

[โ€“] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Isn't this like an early sign of early psychopaths? To kill animals without remorse.

[โ€“] HasturInYellow@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

No, they go looking for them.

[โ€“] LemmyFeed@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

To be fair you could probably one punch a seagull and one punch seems completely reasonable for something stealing your pastry.

[โ€“] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Animal cruelty is a sign of psychopathy. You're probably kidding, but the idea triggers me a little

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[โ€“] spacegoat@lemmy.world 0 points 3 weeks ago

If weโ€™re talking Michigan pasties, then not only is it justified itโ€™s moral

[โ€“] PennyRoyal@sh.itjust.works 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I nearly stamped on one of the wankers after it nicked my icecream yesterday

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