this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2026
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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For posting satire from The Onion and other similar sources.

redundancy, but not for its own sake


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Kash Patel’s time as FBI director has been plagued by accusations of chaotic behavior, binge drinking, and unexplained absences. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the head of the federal law enforcement agency.

Claim To Fame: First person to give up looking for Nancy Guthrie

Office Nickname: Shhh, He’s Right There

Greatest Asset: 360-degree field of vision

Signature Look: “Oh you definitely took too much, bro.”

Case He’s Currently Working On: Heinekens

Biggest Case Solved: Which bar he left credit card at

Girlfriend: Living large while she can

Blood Alcohol Level: 0.63 Hegseths

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