this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Floodedwomb@lemmy.world 62 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Going to the bathroom was your mistake. Everyone farts, own it and apologize, going to the bathroom to cry just makes people think you shit yourself.

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 19 points 4 days ago

Please use the specially designed corporate crying booths for all your depression, burn-out, desperation and sadness episodes (one 5-minutes episode a day allowed per Team Friend)

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 65 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I passed out on the break room sofa for a solid three hours in the middle of the day on my first trip out to my new employer's head office

Four-year anniversary is coming up real soon

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago

I'm the Space Noodle, not the Space Needle.

Apparently I exhibit all of the symptoms except for the track marks

[–] EvacuateSoul@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

Got upper management written all over him

Gurn at the boss, then leave people questioning whether you just sharted?

POWER MOVE!!!

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Possible recovery technique:

"Whoo, too much coffee, I was apparently a bit too eager for this meeting!"

Cheesy as fuck, but at least you are attempting a recovery, and acknowledging what happened.