this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2026
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Be sure to bless your kids EVERY TIME they sneeze even when they sneeze a bunch of times within only a little while and it gets extremely annoying

My dad would only ever bless me the first time and then he'd say "okay now you're just looking for attention" and then he wouldn't bless me for the rest of my sneezes and that's how I got the Gay in me because the Devil snuck in

The lady at church told me this and that's how come I know it's true

#blessyourkidseverytimes


Alt Text:
IMPORTANT PSA FOR PARENTS

Be sure to bless your kids EVERY TIME they sneeze even when they sneeze a bunch of times within only a little while and it gets extremely annoying

My dad would only ever bless me the first time and then he'd say "okay now you're just looking for attention" and then he wouldn't bless me for the rest of my sneezes and that's how I got the Gay in me because the Devil snuck in

The lady at church told me this and that's how come I know it's true

#blessyourkidseverytimes

all 17 comments
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[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 26 points 1 week ago

It's the only possible explanation.

[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago

Praise baby Jesus for alt text adherents.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I told my son "gesundheit," and now he only eats sauerkraut and goose steps everywhere

[–] besmtt@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

We started saying that too!

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I remember in one of the Coloured Fairy Books https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Langs%27_Fairy_Books and I'm not going to try to find which one, there was a story where a kid was hanging out with the fairies and they went to a house and his in the thatch. They sprinkled pepper on the daughter so she'd sneeze. "If she sneezes 3 times without a bless-you, we can steal her!" She does twice, no blessings. On the 3rd sneeze the kid yells BLESS YOU at the top of his lungs, the fairies scatter and she's saved. So at the very least, I make sure nobody is stolen by the fairies. Colored or otherwise. Consent matters.

[–] Asafum@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

They really need to teach this in biblical biology class. It's a well established fact that saying bless you stops the devil from penetrating your nose and making you catch the gays.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Other than snot from my nose, the only thing that might possibly escape from my body due to a sneeze is diarrhea if my tummy hurts.

[–] workerONE@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Also remember that Christian Rock is the only type of music you should listen to

[–] CaptainSpaceman@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

"Youre not making Christianity better, youre making Rock worse." - Lewis Black

[–] DeadDigger@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

I was about 19 when my dad only said bless you ONCE after i sneezed TWICE over a 5 second period. It was probably about 2 days later when i could not stop sucking cock.

[–] wraekscadu@vargar.org 6 points 1 week ago

#blessyourkidneystones

[–] imadethis@fedinsfw.app 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's silly, OP. Everyone knows that after the third sneeze (and 'bless you!'), you need to start cursing them. Otherwise they'll lose too much bad stuff and become enraptured by the good, losing all will and will be enraptured by what's above them, whether vagina, penis, or light bulbs. It's how the bisexuals are created, and we need people to help preserve the delicate balance between the various types. Too many bisexuals and the whole world will collapse.

[–] DokPsy@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

I tell people they only get two. I'm not encouraging that behavior

[–] _tasten_tiger@feddit.org 5 points 1 week ago

Wer dreimal niest ist dumm

[–] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

STUNT ON THESE HOES TherapyGary!! ✊️