Crossposted from https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/64470729

It’s called Evil Autism, because it’s a space based on the old subreddit that was so fun back in the day. Please join and help make this new space feel like another safe space for those of who are ND. I hope to see you there!

Join this space on Matrix https://matrix.to/#/#evil-autism:matrix.org

I’m a professional (executive) chef at a fine dining establishment. I have been working the the culinary field for over 20 years. I continuously run into the problem of maintaining a job for a prolong periods of time. I struggle to maintain a job for longer than a year. I am struggling from burnout, with the 40+ hours a week. The refusal to exploit or be exploited for labor. I have talked with my therapist continually about what I can do to fight this but it seems to be a continuous problem. I live in a rather small “big city” and feel like I am running out of options of places to work because of the city size. I would love to leave the culinary field but I don’t feel like I can afford it. With the sky rocketing price of school, than does seem like a viable option either. I have talked with my wife (who is also audhd) and we have discussed moving out of the country (US), but that also is a struggle in itself. I feel really alone, worthless and unfit as a human being. I feel like everyone else is playing a game that I don’t know the rules to and I am force to continue to play it. Have any of y'all ever struggled with this? Do y'all have any insight, that I might be over looking? I’m not looking to get rich, I’m just wanting to afford my bills and not work 60+ hours a week. Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.

I am tired of feeling so other, like the ADHD'ers and Autists have it down pat, and have a verifiable treatment path.

I wish I could have the magic pill that makes the pile of dishes in my sink disappear without spiraling out about the dirt and texture of the dishes and without the zombification that comes with stimulants. FML I guess.

If this is you, I hear you fam.

Soo I kinda need some help here. Ever since I've been working, it's been hard for me to hold a job. For reference, I've been working since I was 16 years old and I am turning 24 this week. I got my license to become an insurance adjuster when I was 19 years old, and have been trying to do that since, plus some other minimum wage stuff during off seasons. Since then I have been fired from multiple adjusting firms, insurance companies, and have walked out of multiple places, to the point where my license almost means nothing because most places know exactly who I am. I under perform, I have to meet people face to face which 90% of the time ends up bad because I'll say things I am absolutely not allowed to be saying, only for the sake of not "feeling awkward" in the moment, which only makes things worse in the present and future (had a gun pulled on me once). I don't really know how to describe it, and I don't know how to stop it. I've tried working with food, but the multiple smells and garbage you have to deal with consistently makes me sick to my stomach and when I go home I throw up for hours at a time. I've tried working in sales, but got fired from there because I hung up on a lady because my brain blanked out when trying to do a sales pitch (mind you, they even gave us a script to read in case that happens but for some reason my brain wouldn't let me say anything). I always tell myself, "oh yeah I won't fuck it up this time, I know what I'm going to not do this time," and then proceed to fuck it up. Like in my mind I know what to do, but I can't execute it. I don't know, am I just lazy?? I sometimes feel like I'm lazy, but sometimes I also feel like I just physically can't do things. I'm really conflicted, and I have a son I need to provide for, which is already hard enough for me. It's hard, and I'm honestly struggling. Mentally, financially, physically. My mom put me on medicine when I was a kid, but it messed with my appetite to the point where I wouldn't eat for multiple weeks at a time, and only ate when I was forced to, so my doctor said no more medicine. This post doesn't even explain all the times and reasons of me being fired and me walking out of jobs (if I explained every single one it would be like 3 more paragraphs the length of this post). Any advice helps. Thank you

I'm going to quote the Mastodon toot , where I found this link.

AuDHD psychologist Dr Megan Anna Neff has published a survey, she's looking for AuDHD people who are willing to complete it. Self diagnosis accepted as valid.

Dr Neff's site, Neurodivergent Insights has been the source of much compassionate, accurate and balanced information so I am very excited to hear that she's doing this research.

She says:

"This survey is part of the research for my upcoming book, AuDHD Unlocked, which explores what it means to live at the intersection of autism and ADHD. While I’m bringing my own lens as an AuDHD psychologist, this book isn’t just mine — it’s rooted in our collective wisdom. Your responses will help shape the language, stories, and textures of this book. "

The teachers were always breathing down my neck for not looking at them, but I was still listening

i am a 36 year old gay non-binary transfem who only last year learned they are autistic and living with OCD. i have had ADHD since childhood and knew i was depressed and anxious since i was a kid. for my entire life, i have been subconsciously masking my behaviors and learning how to blend in that it became a default position unknown to me that i was engaging in. when the truth was discovered it was like a floodgate had opened up and all of my neurodivergent behaviors made themselves front and center.

i have always had impulse issues and paranoid future-predicting thinking. my childhood was completely unstable and i had to grow the hell up quickly due to the abuse and emotional neglect. i fought to get ahead, i lied to protect myself and my mother, and i had to make my own hard decisions without compromise. let's say over time all of that became disordered and amplified by my autism, ADHD, and OCD.

well, to spare turning this into a therapy session, let's say i haven't done great for myself. i am, somehow, able to function (as in remain alive), barring that i am completely lost. lately, shit has been becoming more and more unbearable for me. as ICE nazis kidnap people off the streets and kill those who resist, as our country continues to set up transgender people as a boogeyman and erodes bodily autonomy and welcomes theocratic control, i find my country becoming more and more unsafe for me.

my mental health has been crumbling since 2024. the gaslighting from general society (go to work; everything will work out etc etc), the hopelessness on display (people pleading for someone to do something), the constant threat of escalating conflict.. it came to a head last year and it influenced me to do something fucking illegal and i was arrested for it.

i'm dealing with legal issues for the first time in my life because my safety is at risk from the government i live under, and it has driven me absolutely fucking mental. i did what, at the time, made sense to my paranoid and impulsive brain. i was so focused on making sure i had what i needed that nothing else mattered. because what if i am caught off guard and unprepared? what if i must leave my house in a moment's notice? i don't want to need money and resources during an escape. i want it all taken care of as much as it can be.

my actions led to a traumatic growth period which ultimately altered my perspective on myself and my neurodivergence, but it terrifies me that it took something drastic to guide me on a more productive path. i have dealt with some stressful shit in my life and legal issues have never visited me.

luckily, my attorney is confident in a good outcome for me, so i am not too worried there, but my concern is ultimately with myself and my own processing. i have learned a lot over the last year that is helping me understand myself more, but i am still finding myself overwhelmed and mentally exhausted.

if anyone can relate, can you share your coping strategies? what do you do to try and ground yourself or remain mindful? i have no control, everything is merely happening to me and i am largely powerless. that is the worst feeling in all of this.. feeling as though i have no choice but to allow this to happen to me, to us.

cross-posted from: https://feddit.nu/post/16756203

This is a wonderful novella-like article in Ought Magazine by my friend Kajsa Isakson, very worth a read! #autism #adhd #audhd #neurodivergence

https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/ought/vol6/iss2/17/

I guess the feeling that there needs to be a purpose, that there has to be a “goal.” I struggle with days off work, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I worry that I’m a failure across my life, I don’t know what it means to have done my life “right.”

cross-posted from: https://disabled.social/users/DivergentDumpsterPhoenix/statuses/115278569449740104

Further exploration on the topic of Autistic burnout and it's connection to psychosis.

https://bit.ly/46rZljw

#ActuallyAutistic #autism #ADHD #AutisticBurnout #MentalHealth @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @mentalhealth@newsmast.community @mentalhealth@lemmy.world @mentalhealth@a.gup.pe

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/31416567

... eating ice cream directly from the pint.

It always destroys spoons eventually, might as well use ones too sharp, too tinny, too light, the wrong shape, or with just the wrong bend in them already.

Edit: for all the head scratchers out there, it's a trait some of us neurodivergent folks have. Some forks or spoons or whatever are nice to hold, and some are actually upsetting to use.

I know /how/ to date in itself, but I'm curious how other AuDHDers go about meeting people to date. Ive only been let down and demoralized using mainstream apps, and the advice of "go find a group hangout" feels very antithetical to my entire being. I hate being in large groups where I know no one. I'm pretty jaded by the idea of just waiting for that right person to come along too, when it feels like it has happened, there's usually a reason we can't even entertain dating, such as meeting them after they've just started a new relationship with someone. I feel ready and would really enjoy finding someone that doesn't need all the masks and can love me for who I am, but I feel like I don't know how to go about meeting the right person.

So I'm curious, how do you meet people for the purpose of dating?

Almost two years have passed since my initial "Hold on, could I have ADHD too?" moment (for reference: I'm 27). Turns out I do not only have severe ADHD, but Asperger's too. I've had a suspicion before that I might be autistic but it's kinda funny how the doctor dropped this on me before I even had a chance to ask.

Anyway, I've finally gotten meds (Kinecteen) that I've been on for the past four weeks. My hopes were high and the first couple of days even seemed immensely promising. On the first day alone I was able to get done what I usually needed two whole weeks for. Suddenly I could switch between tasks without getting upset, I could hold conversations without my mind drifting away mid-sentence, go on a trip without all the usual sensory overload, heck, even my social anxiety felt a little less severe than usual.

Somehow though, most of this enthusiasm eventually vanished. Work still sucks ass (9-to-5 corpo job in an open-plan office, ugh), I already resigned but have to survive another three months. Leaving the apartment is still a hurdle, my anxiety is bad enough but my pollen allergy certainly doesn't help the situation. Then there's this huge pile of things that I want/should/need to do that has accumulated over months and years of paralysis. A little gullibly I thought this pile would magically vanish once I get on medication. Well, it somehow doesn't.

What I find most depressing of all though is that I just don't know what to do with my free time. Out of habit I often turn to cannabis (vaporizing, not smoking) and put myself in front of my PC, but ultimately only to work off more tasks. Back then I used to play a whole lot of video games but I just can't get in the mood anymore. Tried some, but nothing stuck. I feel the urge to go outside, but there are just too many stimuli for it to feel actually calming. I'd like to get myself a motorcycle again but I never managed to build up savings.

To improve my general mood I'm really trying to devote some downtime to do relaxing activities but I just can't think of any. Everything seems to me like just another tedious task that I have to get done. I'm very thankful for my loving girlfriend and our cat who both give me some solace, but of course I am still worried about how my condition will affect the relationship in the years to come.

What are your experiences with medication? Does it just take time to find oneself anew?

I've been thinking about how LLMs like ChatGPT change the expectation that at any time, anywhere, you will have the information you need at your fingertips.

It seems useful to cope with some difficulties in life at the beginning. (Similarly to having a smartphone with you at all times)

But over time it seems to increase anxiety because you feel dependent on these tools to be able to handle certain situations.

Every time I avoid using these tools but instead try to use a simple notebook or just think things through in my mind (When possible of course, definitely not when overwhelmed) . I feel like my capacity to do so slightly increases in future situations.

But when using these tools, even though it's easier and requires less effort in that moment, I feel more anxious in the future. (Especially when I don't have internet connection or my battery is running low)

Does anyone else have similar experiences?

in my past crusing thru autism posts on the bad site, once in a while somebody would post something talking about this and it was like reading my own experience in somebody else's words.

for those of you who read the subject line and know exactly what I'm talking about: can you also never shut off masking except when alone and in fact can't even relate to the concept of being able to "not mask" around others? or maybe around 99.99999% of the human race apart from a few people you know well and have known for years?

I've found (thru being homeless and couchsurfing starting well into adulthood haha do not recommend) that I can't live with most people, even introverts, because their activity pattern is not like my parents that I grew up with, and so my brain fixates on what they're doing and then I hear every. human. sound. in the house. at full attentional processing. every waking moment of my life. forever.

this decimates my ability to work because I touch computers for a living and I can only touch them correctly in 1 of 2 ways, either collab with others using tools like kanban and a ticket system, or solo hyperfocus for days on end, which has 0% chance of happening without the above going on...

but I got off topic. the question I am curious about is: if you relate to the subject line of the post, do you think the mental energy drain comes from being unable to shut off your awareness of (potentially) being perceived by others in the house; by your having to keep your mask on standby, warmed up and ready to go at all times when others are in the house; or, both? and do you have other thoughts on this particular topic which I suspect is related to a subtle but extremely impactful neurotrait some few tortured souls among us have???

Does anyone else here not like watching the short form videos (tiktok YouTube shorts instagram etc) because of the overstimulation and that they feel like small talk bs without any depth to them

What ever happened to the SimpleX chat group for AuADHD?

The other day I was at birthday party for a old family friend (he's 98)

There were a bunch of people which I never met before. I normally keep pretty quite since that's basically my default option.

Or at least it was until someone asked about AI. I'm not really sure how it happened but I got distracted from masking and immediately started talking loud and fast. I had to be interrupted because I was infodumping so quickly.

Right after I snapped back into masking and was dead quiet. I haven't had this happen in a very long time. The person who asked about AI looked a mix of both startled and amused.

I end up making myself finish it so that it is at least done

I love finding new special interests, but the accompanying sleep-deprivation is real.

How not just give up? There is nothing left, no viable career options, hobbies are pointless because there's just no improvement past certain point anyway, no alleviation to the fucking constant hurt that's AuDHD. And nobody gets it, nobody.

Any insight, other than "seek help", would be welcome right about now.

In the middle of a conversion I will start to bring up a helpful quote or some random fact that's loosely related but then I can't remember what it is. I start to speak and then just blank at "that reminds me." After that I then forget what the original context was so then I'm just lost.