Ask Men

Yesterday I went to a pick-your-own raspberries place, and picked a kilo och raspberries in two hours of slow podcast bliss, and today I made jam!

Here is the haul of yesterday:

Here is the finnished jam:

It is probably one of the most natural jams you can find, in these jars you will only find Swedish raspberries, Swedish sugar and a tiny amount of Ukrainian vodka (SLAVA UKRAINI).

The vodka was used to rinse and sterilize the jars and lids.

As a 38 years old IT guy I find that there are few men who likes making jam, so I thought I'd ask here of anyone else are making jam....

I hear, not all but alot of men claim they are the more logical of the sexes but if that’s the case why consistantly do illogical things? - like not hold each other accountable when blatantly trying to intimidate, oppress and assualt woman/children? For a progressive and healthy world isn’t that counter-intuitive when you help the division within the community instead of working together and going after the real enemy? Elites/mega corporations/corrupt government etc? Also do y'all know that some of you or ur friends/family are being groomed by other men in power?

i’m exhausted man.

tired of getting told i’m the problem with no explanation

i’ve been having trouble with my bestfriend .

We’re both guys, and he’s a bit homophobic (like won’t even sit in the same bed as a guy because it’s “gay” homophobic) which is why i’m having a hard time processing this. (Only when he got a girlfriend was he semi-okay with sitting on a bed with me. His direct quote “it’s still pretty gay but i have a girlfriend now so i’ll allow it)

I do want to say that I am a big advocate for male friends to show eachother physical affection, and i’m no stranger to that at all.

We’ve had an extremely deep emotional bond. He was my very bestfriend in the world and I his. One night I had a mental breakdown of sorts, and his way of calming me down was repeatedly rubbing my back, pulling me down to cuddle (with him in his back and me on top of him with my head on his chest. which i rejected after a few seconds of shock) lots of hugging and pressing his fingers into the of my arms back of my arms repeatedly.

A few days before this I was having a hard time in school (which was the reason for the mental breakdown) and left our hangout early. he asked what was wrong and then proceeded to ask if i was into him to which i said no, and he responded that he was just joking to lighten the mood. Later on his reasoning was that he didn’t mean it, but he knew i had a hard time saying things important (which is true) so he was just guessing

Now usually I wouldn’t think twice about this. but it was around the same time that i found out that he sexts men online regularly and watches gay porn regularly. He admitted shame, depression and disappointment overt this. If a girl did this to me i’d most definitely take it as a sign, but I also was having a bit of a breakdown, so i’m not sure how to look at this? i’m genuinely lost and confused and more hurt than i like to admit.

(after the night he distanced from me and blamed it on my breakdown) :/ right after my breakdown he went to pursue a girl romantically who had a crush on him for a long time, but he had always refused to date her one of the reasons being her body proportions are off (among 20 other reasons he said some pretty gross things about her.)

i talked to him yesterday. Where he looked me in the eyes told me he isn’t gay and isn’t into me and that he loves his girlfriend. and no had no solid answer as to why he broke our friendship off. Just “i’m a horrible friend to you i’m so sorry”.

We got to talking a little less serious in between the serious conversations and i mentioned that im leaving for a week driving 11 hours to go see all my family. (sometimes i get bad anxiety driving home which is a 3 hour drive he’s offered multiple times to drive me home too. declined all of those)He asked me to my face if i wanted him to drive me there. He was being dead serious.

I don’t know what he wants from me and i’m exhausted.

At the end got Told it’s too much to hangout with me and made a bunch of other accusations and reasons

I'm thinking about getting a masturbator for the time after my wife has given birth. But I have no idea where to even start. Anyone here using one, and can share some experiences?

I am searching for something that:

• is easy to clean,
• can fit my whole dick such that I can fuck it like a vagina, and
• maybe has some extras like vibration or suction or so.

Edit: Thanks everyone for the tips! I ended up buying this.

It's expensive, but I'm very satisfied!

The only way I'll ever have children is through adoption but it seems most guys want biological children.

Most of the guys I met would say that they fear that they wouldn't see an adopted child as theirs which honestly breaks my heart a little.

I did some research and apparently most adoptive parents generally chose that option because the man is infertile, not the other way around.

So it would seem like most men are only contemplating adoption if they're infertile themselves but if their partner is they'll prefer to just get a different girlfriend over adopting kids.

Let me know if you think this is not the case, I want to believe you.

40, cis, never been sexually active.

I feel like I'm crazy for even asking this. When I try to google for anything about anxiety from not masturbating, all I get are a) results about anxiety/guilt from masturbating, b) articles about how women shouldn't feel inhibited from masturbation (which is great, mind you, but not what I'm looking for), c) things about social/relationship things with regard to masturbation, d) alt-right #nofap propaganda, and e) just stuff that seems completely irrelevant to what I'm talking about. I just generally haven't had any luck finding any similar experiences or information about anything remotely like this online.

But I feel like I've been caught in a vicious cycle for a while now. I randomly skip a day or two, feel demotivated, and end up not masturbating for a week or more just because I'm so depressed and anxious and completely not in any sort of mood to do so. A part of me has thought that maybe it's just natural that at 40 my sex drive should be lower, but every time I start masturbating daily again, my mood improves until the next time I skip for a day or two and the doldrums take hold.

I don't think this is any kind of OCD thing where I'm making myself anxious by obsessing that I'm not horny or that I'm not masturbating either.

This isn't new, really. I've known for many years that I get depressed if I don't masturbate. But it's much more pronounced now than it used to be by a long shot.

Another thing I wonder is whether this might be an indicator of low T. I've heard some sources say (though they're mostly drowned out by the cacophony of bro-science #nofap bullshit to the contrary) that masturbation does boost testosterone, at least acutely. Maybe (lots of speculation here, but) masturbating regularly keeps my baseline testosterone levels closer to normal than not masturbating does and if I don't masturbate for a while, my testosterone levels dip lower for longer periods, worsening symptoms. And if that's the issue, maybe TRT would be warranted. (IANAD. Can you tell?)

It's just really weird how the whole internet doesn't seem to know that's a thing that can be, but it's a major part of my day-to-day experience.

Is this anything that anyone here can relate to or give any insight into at all?

On social media, when someone posts their relationship and whatever and they get left with mean comments, do you think those people are poor?

Personally, I think people who troll and leave mean comments are poor because rich people tend to know better, and rich people have lives, so they don't really care enough about what other people who they don't know are doing; they have lives. Poor people don't; they are working-class people with nothing better to do, so of course they are going to troll on social media. You expect that from poor people.

A couple days ago, I ordered books, and they were delivered to my neighbor’s house. Last night, I ordered something else and it said it was four stops away, and now I can’t even see the driver. Instead, it just says ‘Out for delivery. We are sorry for the delay.’ Is there a reason these Amazon drivers can’t do their jobs right? They’re making $18–$20 per hour driving a truck and delivering packages, and they still can’t do it correctly? Maybe we should lower their salaries.

My uncle is hosting Thanksgiving. My aunt is apparently going to be there with her significant other. Their goddaughter is going to be there; overall, 18 people are going to be there, and I don't feel like faking.

For context, I don't give a fuck about anyone; I truly don't. Not my "family" or my "friends" – all my social interactions I fake. I fake like I care about my friends and their kids. Overall, I pretty much just fake my human interactions, and right now I just don't feel like faking.

Like, I really don't want to be around those people. I really don't.

Title.

Sorry for the super odd question - I started wondering when writing from a male character's perspective - but yeah, does it feel different to have tears running down your face with a beard vs. without? What happens to tears when they reach your beard? Do they hang on to the first few hair they touch, or do they run through the beard?

Let's say there is a 28-year-old woman with a 6-figure job dating a 22-year-old in college who may have a part-time job while in school and still lives with their parents. How would you feel about this relationship? Would you wonder what the woman sees in the guy?

Some parents don't want their kids becoming investment bankers because they work 80-100 hours a week; a lot work 9AM-4AM. But guess what? This is a prestigious job, and the money is great, so if you don't want your kid doing it, you are a horrible parent.

I feel like my family is super hypocritical when it comes to this. My mom, aunt, and cousin tell me things like:

“You need to bring something to the table in a relationship.”

“You both need to pour into each other.”

“You need a job to date.”

Etc., etc.

Okay — so today we were talking about wealthy people and what we’d do if we had hundreds of millions or even a billion dollars. I said I’d probably send my kids to an elite private school. They asked, “Why?”

I said, “My son wouldn’t date a Starbucks barista, and my daughter wouldn’t date the pizza guy.”

These same family members immediately said that was classist and wrong, and that money shouldn’t be a determining factor in a relationship.

…Umm, what?!

These were the same people who said: “You need to bring something to the table.” “You both need to pour into each other.”

Okay — then why wouldn’t the same logic apply to me in this scenario? What would some pizza delivery guy bring to the table for a billionaire heiress? Same with my son. If anything, shouldn’t he be dating someone who also comes from a wealthy or noble family?

I changed the scenario again and asked them: “If I were a lawyer or had some other high-paying job, and I chose not to date a poor woman — is that wrong?”

They said it was wrong and dumb.

Do you see the glaring hypocrisy?

Edit: What would you think about a 28 year old wealthy woman dating a 22 year old college student? Do you think the 22 year old could not bring anything to their relationship?

If you were extremely wealthy (hundreds of millions or over a billion), you wouldn't be famous; you would just be a very wealthy person (lottery, business, investing, high-income job, whatever). Would your extended family know you are wealthy, or would you be very vague around them and not flash your wealth?

I mean, I would have to assume so, right? Because, like, just because Jeffrey Dahmer ate Black guys exclusively and then went and ate a white guy doesn’t mean he’s still not a cannibal.

My uncle is hosting Thanksgiving; there are 18 people going, including my parents, and I truly do not want to go.

Football fans who don’t have a ‘favorite’ NFL team — why is this?

Clark and Lois are not as attentive to Jon's needs as they are to Jordan's, but their reaction (or lack thereof) to Jon breaking his arm was particularly egregious. One line that stood out to me was when Lois said, "It could have been worse," in response to Jon being upset about getting hurt and possibly not being able to play football again. It came across as incredibly dismissive and callous. This is compounded by the fact that neither of them bothered to check on Jon when he stormed off. (In fact, he is not seen again for the remainder of the episode.) In short, Jordan seems to get all the attention and support, while Jon is basically expected to take everything on the chin while also being a "good brother".

Don't get me started on the XK. Jon doing drugs is not wrong, especially in comparison to all the lies Clark and Lois told them. Jonathan has no powers, and Jordan does. Clarke spends more time with Jordan. He doesn’t realise that he’s doing real harm by spending most of his time with Jordan. That’s why he took the drug in the first place, but of course Clark doesn't care about this.

Honestly, Clark was a terrible father. Logan Roy from Succession is objectively and factually the better father because at least his kids get nice clothes, nice cars, jets, luxury, etc.; their lives are 100% better than Jonathan's.

If your girlfriend makes a lot more than you, and she pays for your dates, trips, etc., do you feel bad about it or no?

https://old.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/1o1juf3/how_would_you_react_if_you_were_in_this_situation/nihgrgs/

That thread on that post surprised me.

How many CIS men here use testosterone for gender affirming care ?

I’m writing an 18+ superhero story. My main character is a young man/woman (I don’t know their gender yet). They are a stripper and get powers from overdosing on a street drug that gives you superpowers. After that, their 31-year-old boyfriend dies (he’s older than my main character). My character decides to find his killer and originally plans to kill them but chooses justice over revenge and hands them over to the police, and then they decide to become a superhero vigilante.

Really this origin story is about love and justice VS revenge. It’s a young man or woman in love with a slightly older man or woman with baggage, and when they are murdered, my main character with their superpowers has to decide how they move forward. They know they are taking the law into their own hands, but will he/she choose revenge or justice? Will they let their hate and grief control them to murder the killer, or do the right thing and honor the boyfriend/girlfriend and bring their killer to justice?

It's about how these people murdered this innocent man/woman that my main character loved. The pain you gave was unprovoked, but despite all this, they know the boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn't want them to become a murderer and get revenge, so they decide to send them to prison. They choose justice despite in their hearts wanting to kill them.

What could make the tragedy even heavier is if, before the person is killed, they cheat on their partner with an ex. They get into a heated argument with that ex, yell, and then immediately regret it. Feeling awful about what happened, they confess everything to their partner and genuinely beg for forgiveness. But the partner leaves. Heartbroken and jealous, knowing the person truly loved their partner more, the ex kills them. This adds to the survivor’s guilt—if they had stayed, they might’ve saved them. It also brings a more mature layer to the relationship, showing how people can make a terrible mistake, feel genuine remorse, and still seek forgiveness.

How old do you think my character is?

Do you think 21-, 22- and 23-year-old women and men should be allowed to consent to sex with older adults 10-20 years older than them? Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. One could argue that an adult in their 40s or 50s who chooses to date someone 21-23 or 22-24 deserves to die. I have heard these arguments before.

What do you think?

I made a post on Showerthoughts saying if you are a guy and you are a virgin at 22 years old, you are fucked because most women in their 20s have sexual experience, so if you are a 22-year-old guy, a woman who’s 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, or 30 wouldn’t want to date you because they have sexual experience already.

However, I could be wrong, so do some women with sexual experience date a virgin? If so, why?

cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/46807163

Since this post posted in /c/womensstuff, a community that prohibits male participation, showed up on the front page of All I'm cross-posting it to a space where men can chime in and answer/discuss it freely.