NOTE: my S key is broken and i have to rpess it multiple times for it to work, im usually too worried trying to not off myself so i dont tend to revisit my reviews and write them in a or various manic episodes in flow of conssciounes or stream or whatever, so if any are missing, here you have an extra few, add them where you see fit sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss and ssome punctuationg mark too ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ---------------- .................................
not knowing how to listen, neither can they speak Heraclitus
you awake. a broken conscientious thing. confronted with the world
disco elysium is at the core of its foundations a work that forcibly makes you experience dialectical materialism.
i played this game while on various drugs, ketamine, alcohol, clonazepam, cocainum, and in an aftermath of using 125mg of quetiapine to pass out and wake up with my body still numb and fucked in a cloud of fugue state after doing 1mg of cocainum before that night, with of course, copious ammount of alcohol and weed. and a lot of cigarrettes.
but yeah
this might read like an erowid article rather than a video game review, but hey, i like to make reviews that are personal, and reflect how the game reflects on me. a complete wreck and so on, sorry cop, DROGOCOP
you could say me and harry are friends (harry and i). ive been a chronic alcoholic since i was 16 and i have not stopped basically, how gonzo of me, writing intelligent thoughts about unimportant things academia likes to mentally jerk off to. fuck-fuck
i cant understand how many people played this game, and only think this is about a good story and how interesting it is but mostly no one (i havent read many reviews, so ill just say this without any arguments whatsoever) talks about how COMMUNISM plays the game. sure, you can be a fascist, or whatever, the characters all have different opinions and even the most profound mazovian, the desserter, is not portrayed in a particular good light, but you cannot escape the tides, you can not be in revachol without being pumped with slimy inframaterialism through your bloodstream because it escapes everyone's ideas about how can reality actually be, because it simply is. it doesnt matter what you believe, reality, is, reality
i too dont remember much things, most of my life are blanks that are filled when someone tells me, hey do you remember when we were drunk in that corner huffing popper until we lost the ability to speak and we communicated through sounds and laugh at each other. its getting worse, lately i dont remember what i did two seconds ago, or in the afternoon or whatever, then it may come to mind, but it feels like recreating a murder scene in an investigation, where was i, if i was there, where did i left that thing, try to remember the last time you saw it, move all the shit piss and ash from your room, your rags, the bottles, where the fuck are my fucking keys. how do you even spell that word or what was that word. i think its a bless, i dont want to remember things, i dont remember my dreams, i try to live in a -nonstate- of everlasting presence that gets forgotten. its not THE best outcome, but hey, as some wise someone said one time, it is worst to think
im surprised by how little harry smokes cigarrettes tho, like, at least for those, they should have done something like the effect lasts less or .
what i was trying to say before, is, it seems like the game is teabagging all these GAMERS who enjoying the game dont think, they cannot see for the love of their holy mother that kurbitz is forcing you one way or the other to be confronted with dialectical materialism. youre playing it and youre not fucking getting it and youre liking it. pissf****t alright
i dont want to sound more pretentious after being so edgy and saying fuck every couple of words but ill do it anyway in a self aware manner that also exhibits my cringyness. when asked whether or not we are Marxists, our position is the same as that of a physicist, when asked if he is a ‘newtonian’ or of a biologist when asked if he is a ‘pasteurian.’ there are truths so evident, so much a part of the peoples’ knowledge, that it is now useless to debate them – commander “Che” Guevara
my ex also left me. she was the love of my life and everyithing i could have wished for. i cryied during the dolores dei task. ive embarked myself in a ship of no return to travel to oblivion and hopefully rot there. ha ha, its a joke, dont get too worry
i wish i could treat myself a it treat harrier du bois. like literally, i tortured him less thatn what i do to myself, And i wear that if you read thi to the end and if i ever finish writing it will make sense , please just finish reading it.then you can say its shit and ill be like yeah what did you expect. he has not a redemption arc, he doesnt necessarily has to prove anyone hes a hero or whatever, all of that is secondary hit, youre your own redemption arc, youre the one who need to put all this shit behind, or at least drop it a notch, or continue, if he can still work after this even if in a quijotesque way blossoming with dementia and drain bramage. you dont need to work in general terms, not as in a job, you need to stop telling yourself youre fucking fubar fucked. youre forty, so waht, youve spent 20 years torturing yourself, destroying your body, your mind, it didnt have to be that way maybe, sure, shit is though, though shit. youre poor, you become more poor, you lose your mind, just have someone that fucking loves and cares about you. BE LIKE HARRY. you can be an asshole too, but, no one plays this game that way except that for exploring the other options. i wasnt a good cop, sure i helped some people, but i also hit cuno, i was about to kick soona becaue i wanted those kids to build a meth lab, i accepted bribe and i also forced signatures because i didnt want the villagers to be evicted but i needed to follow evrarts command to get my gun. the last one i in grey territory i gues
do i agree with the hardie boys, no, would i join them? yeah. in the martial tribunal, i didnt even think of any dialogue, i went straight and shot that bastard rapist because i wanted to kill something and feel anger vengeance and satisfaction, even if it meant some of them might end up killed. i stole every possible clothing and never even tried to give it back to them
instrument of surrender is etched into my brain like that time you saw your parents fuck. i cant not forget everything. shits just all over the place. i even try finding all over the internet how to get absolute amnesia without the added dementia by consuming alcohol. you cant alcoholicop. even if you manage, if you get that beautiful nothing for the second time after your traumating birth, you will startt being something again, the very first moment you feel cold in your feet, or see a colour, or read mazovian socio economics. that reduction of existentialist though of exitence precedes esence. you cannot escape hurt, happy, arousal, you cannot escape, or well, you can, but you know what i mean
everything is moving and changin and dying and getting fucked and you get old. but that also changes you just gotta make it somehow, and i dont mean this just for like YOU. the world changes, your atoms move, your organs move, you move, the floor is moving because its stuck to earth and the earth girates on its axis and around the sun and the universe expands and moves. there is nothing thats in absolute rest, everything does its thing. harry had to psychologycally kill himself in order to fucking be alive again, and he will die
maybe the material conditions in revachol are not met for another revolution and the desserter is right. but it will not remain like this forever
you will probably read this and will not understand what im getting at
thats why you cannot talk about disco inferno in a way that matters
get through this madnesss of my, try to understand what im saying, and please do a better job, one more thourough, im sorry, i just don have kim with me to help me out fit the pieces
during the writing of this game, i bought a box full of 'sour worker' an argentinian vermut that was created by immigrant workers and drank them all, the commodre red inspired me to
what makes this game special is that it lets you play as the cryptofascist you are in real life but
you are still
confronted with the games world
but you also get jokes about infighting in marxists circles about petty stupid shit, the game doesnt even presents itself a ome profound take in communim where you need to read through an abridged verion of da kapital, it doent explain dialectial materialism, it lets you fucking trepanate your skull so that you can let it melt your retinas and fingers and eardrums with it, it makes you live that shit, be that shit, because you are unable to do so in the real world even more that in martinaie
disco elysium i a game about dreams, about the dionysian, about love, about people, about the people's people, about governemnts, sides, people who are good at heart but have experienced life in a way or trauma or they cannot see the way it is. thats by everyones broken. civil war, colonialism, bourgeroiisie threat rampagin. evrarts plan seems trully good at heart, he hardie boy want to help their people, even fucking joyce seems like a good woman under the right circumstances, people dont chose to do things against their best interest or the best interest of everyone, the material base is the one that molded them that way, but everything is plastic and can change. it will change, the tides of history move forward in a loopback fedd and go back but always advance, it is inevitable, either doom, or the opposite of doom. war is not bad, its not good
i hope in the future i can forget whatever i wrote here, i wont read it back until probably ten years in the future maybe, i hope i can do a better review, explain what i mean better, i hope someone reads this deranged monologue from a third world junkie and use it to write omething better. maybe read this before you hang the rope, i dont knwo.
i dont want to change now, i want self destruction, i will not stop i hope tho i do
but well
this is the best i can give you. try to listen, to read, to be better, martinaise can change, the pale can be stopped
i will go and stack up three different depressants and pass out of my bed, hopefully not of respiratory depression
the bed is cold, my feet even colder, i didnt even took my shoes on, i move in it, from side to side, thethinkingmachinebeginstostopworking. elysium comes
life gets haaard! she sings, but we go ooooooon!
i wake up
yeah, that would be ideal, it'd need some integration but it'd be doable. i will try and see if i can make it work code wise, although hosting will be the issue.