replicator

I'm so angry. I can't feel anything other than anger and depression. Either I'm dreading my existence with agony, or I'm furiously wanting to smash my head into a wall in pure sheer rage.

What even is the point of suicide? Like, what's the end goal here? Damned if you live, damned if you die.

Where would I even start? The chronic pain? The anger? The abuse? The trauma? The stress? The absolute disgust of trying to hold it all together while the entirety of the world seems to be suffering either less or worse than you.

I hate my life, I hate life, I hate all lives, I'm usually not one to hate, but I've just, I've just grown to learn hate.

This, this here, this little lemmy box, seems to be the only place where I belong, where I can let out some of the gore-y horrendous shit that I want to do to myself.

I wanna cry through every pore and hole in my body. I want to rid myself of all the nasty fluids that are the "essence of life".

I want to drive some far away place, behind a dam, a clearing, a field, somewhere very very remote. And I want to scream, howl, screech, until my voice gives up, until blood starts spewing out of my mouth."

I seem to have no empathy for myself, I have, of course, thought about suicide a lot, I can't talk about this, no one seems to care and even if they did, I can't possibly tell them about this, and hurt them. That's assuming I can find someone who will listen, and even if I did, they can't listen to me 24/7.

Misery! It's what I have for breakfast, for lunch, and for dinner! Because I can't get the fuck up, I am depressed and chronically ill, and both of these fuckers like to feed each other off like a disgusting mukbang. I can barely get up to the bathroom, on many days I have to hold the piss in my kidneys to the point where they'd grow numb because of all the holding in.

I am so fucking tired. and I CAN'T FUCKING KILL MYSELF Because here we fucking are, I have no accessible method to kill myself, and dear god if you suggest a method down below I'll tear your fucking eye balls out. I am done, I don't want to live, I don't want to die, I don't want to take another fucking breath anymore. Breathing is hard, it's fucking difficult, it hurts, both physically, and fucking mentally.

PS: Hah. After wanting to add the content warnings for this, I hesitated before adding self-harm.

I won't die. If I decided to, I will make it a fucking spectacle.

People seem to rush when self-harm is mentioned, suicide and gore seem to be your every day content warnings, but it's only when self-harm is included, that somehow things start to hurt. That's from my own experience anyway.

And thank you, have a nice day.

PS: I almost harmed myself! Yay! Boo fucking hoo. Here, have fun reading this

I am disabled. It's fibromyalgia.

For the last god knows how long this has been going on, I wasn't able to move. If it's not my chronic pain, then it's my depression, and when they work together, well, let's just say that one of the pastimes that has been forced upon me is just fucking existing. Like a void where the only thing you could do is feel pain, and all of the fucking physical needs that your body needs, food, water, going to the toilet, warmth, etc. Woke up today, couldn't do anything decided to go to sleep. Slept a lot, which is like, hey! I can sleep now! With the help of fucking anti depressants!!! On the other hand, now that I can sleep, I don't have the only reason that kept me functioning for so long, fucking adrenaline. The only thing that made me able to get up, walk, eat, and shit, was motherfucking adrenaline. So after I woke up, I couldn't move, was very fucking hungry, somehow managed to find the energy to make breakfast after arguing with my family, then I went back to my room, and I just laid down. Laid down for maybe 4 or 5 hours, then tried to get up and realized that oh no! I can't fucking move, apparently. And the only fucking reason that I am here, typing this, through the pain, is pure fucking rage and spite. That's how I got up. I thought of something, it made me very angry, and I jolted out of bed.

Quite underrated. I found them when I searched for themes of "Pain" and for a genre of "Sludge".

It's only available on Bandcamp. I plan to upload this on youtube for my Favorites 2025 playlist. The playlist starts as some random mix of songs, then takes a detour on Progressive, Black, Doom, and now Sludge. It's been one hell of a year, and more specifically, one hell of a three months.

Bandcamp, Metal Archives

Is Boris. I have no idea what they play, they change genres every second. Anyway, that description seemed right.

Boris has these incredible drumming sections.

Well, that intro riff? I wish they played it more, it wouldn't get tedious at all, since the drumming makes it fresh.

I would recommend the entire album. My favorites are Ganbouki and Hama.

Youtube, Bandcamp, Spotify, Metal Archives

Quite the record. But we're talking about the track, you can find the album "Works Will Come Undone" on youtube.

And well, it is something. "dawn... into day... into dusk... into dark... into dawn... into day... after day." there's of course the Cello, which adds a unique flavor to their sound.

Asunder - A Famine, Metal Archives

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/49796953

Albub cubber, good 👍

I love Bell Witch. I've already listened to Mirror Reaper and The Clandestine Gate. There's something about Bell Witch's music, that compels me to breathe in the rhythm of the music. I felt that at the first track, I just started breathing, slowly, try to breathe with Bell Witch music, maybe you'll understand what I mean.

I would of course, recommend the entire album, but if I had to choose some tracks to hook you to it, I'd choose the second track Rows (Of Endless Waves) and the fifth track I Wait.

Bell Witch are an absolute must for any funeral doom fan, especially Mirror Reaper.

Bandcamp, Youtube, Spotify, Tidal

I love Bell Witch. I've already listened to Mirror Reaper and The Clandestine Gate. There's something about Bell Witch's music, that compels me to breathe in the rhythm of the music. I felt that at the first track, I just started breathing, slowly, try to breathe with Bell Witch music, maybe you'll understand what I mean.

I would of course, recommend the entire album, but if I had to choose some tracks to hook you to it, I'd choose the second track Rows (Of Endless Waves) and the fifth track I Wait.

Bell Witch are an absolute must for any funeral doom fan, especially Mirror Reaper.

Bandcamp, Youtube, Spotify, Tidal

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/49737431

gelbooru | twitter | Full Sized Image |

I haven't listened to this. But holy fuck this imagery is something else, really along with all the other Bell Witch covers.

Metal Archives, Bandcamp

gelbooru | twitter | Full Sized Image |

amphibia, batman (series), carmen sandiego (series), cleopatra in space, dc comics, glitch techs, hilda (series), infinity train, kipo and the age of wonderbeasts, she-ra and the princesses of power, the ghost and molly mcgee, the owl house, and twelve forever

danbooru | twitter | Full Sized Image |

hilda rules (No characters were harmed in this drawing. They're just having a little nappy)