WittyProfileName2

I dug too deep this time, delved deep and greedy in my unending quest for truth. I hear the helicopters overhead and the black suited men hammer at my door as I type this, pistol in hand, You must know. I need to tell you all the truth, even if they kill me...

So in 1969 NASA landed a capsule on the moon and did the whole "One small step for man" thingy, except seven years later a bloke named Bill Kaysing claimed NASA faked it, and then in 1980 The Flat Earth Society started the claim that Stanley Kubrick did it. Since then it has quickly bloomed into a much more prevalent belief.

It's convincing theory right? They did it in a desperate attempt to get ahead of the Soviets, NASA realised they could only win the space race if they faked it.

What if I told you that you're being lied to?

The man I mentioned earlier, the one who started it all, Bill Kaysing, was a navy officer with no background in rocket science who alleges to have an inside scoop. He claims to've worked at Rocketdyne when they were manufacturing parts for the Apollo mission, and that the projections gave a 0.0017% chance of them making it to the moon. But people took it with a grain of salt 'cos they only have his word for it.

So just going off this navy guy's hearsay wasn't enough for the longest time. And then NASA stopped landing on the moon, and suddenly the scepticism of the moon landing flares up like petrol tossed on a roaring bonfire.

So what happened?

The US government started circulating these conspiracies is what happened!

The stalling of progress for manned missions presented NASA with a difficult situation where they were making new discoveries but none of the flashy ones that'd get 'em the big grant money/public support.

The machiavellian scheme the CIA concocted was a simple one - if you can make the public believe you didn't land on the moon before, landing on the moon again looks way more impressive.

Big government is lying to you with their moon landing hoax hoax!

Do not let them control the narrative!

I can hear screams, crashing, gunfire echoing in my back garden, it appears one of the government cronies sneaking in out back has fallen down the pitfalls I've dug. It's only so long until they break through the front door.

Good luck my friends, and may the truth prevail.

One bleak and rainy morning I was testing my time travel hypothesis. I'd been attempting to cryogenically freeze myself in the frozen chips section of my local Lidl. Unfortunately the science hating Philistines that worked there kept pulling me out. Ultimately they settled to toss me from the shop entirely.

While I was sitting on carpark tarmac, a strange man approached me. His pale skin told me he got his vitamin D from a bottle and his eyes were heavy with the weight of countless sleepless nights, a fellow delver into the mysteries of this world. Wordlessly, he handed me an envelope before fleeing with an alarming turn of speed.

Inside the envelope was the thumbnail image of this post and two words, "solve this". Challenge accepted!

So what we're looking at is apparently called a Fresno Nightcrawler, and to me it looks like someone's trousers have gone walkabout on their own.

Clearly this can't be the case, trousers lack any kind of muscle to do this. Some outside force must be conveying them. Something the camera can't see.

So I packed all my jeans, and took a hot air balloon over to the sight of the alleged sighting - Fresno, California, USA.

It was there that I set into motion my scheme to capture footage of the creature. Not with the camera, but with pen and paper. I'm no artist myself, so I sought the talents of a particularly gifted one to sketch what he saw as he hid in a bush.

And so the night came. My trousers were hung up. Dave the artist crouched in the undergrowth. I left to get snacks and when I returned both Dave and my trousers were gone, but his notepad remained and what it depicted shocked me.

It was vampires all along.

Not just that, but they'd stolen my favourite shorts. Also probably killed Dave.

I am writing this now as I prepare to locate their lair and end their cruel theft once and for all.

My friends, be careful what you spy within the dead of night, it may also spy you.

Any thoughts?

There was, like, a stall with this person handing them out.