DonkeyStar

Lots of things, but I think my strawberry shortcake soap is the last thing I made that I was truly proud of.

Fuck.

Y’all seen the new Bears Who Love Shitting commercial where they tell you to inspect your kid’s asshole for traces of inferior toilet paper?

Interesting. I was thinking of having iMessage/Messages, but I forgot most of the world uses Whatsapp to text, anyway, so that function does exist.

As far as calls go, I’m surprised by how unappealing the idea was to me. The amount of spam calls I get would probably kill my relationship with computers, honestly. For normal calls, I’d definitely want a headset of some kind rather than built-in mic and speakers, though I suppose a purpose-built laptop would include better audio equipment.

That made me a little sad, but we can’t see our Blaschko’s lines, so I guess they’re not really missing out.

Honestly, I was around for that, so I’m a bit shocked by all the people saying current smartphones are already too big.

How would you feel about a laptop with call and text capability out of the box?

Sarah Winchester wasn’t haunted by anything but this joke.

Oh, no, I mean full shoebox volume. Like 20lbs of battery with a phone glued to the smallest side.

The real question is what color they see themselves as. “I’m bright orange and they still can’t see me? The fuck?” Or “I’m green and should blend in perfectly, but that human is looking right at me!”

Look, “amenities” for us is bathroom doors that don’t allow someone to watch you poop (for free). We don’t even hope for clean. Perhaps an interesting filth that we can record and show our friends.

At least in my experience, it’s just a novelty, like a mall with a roller coaster inside. I have a Bucc-ees full body swimsuit because my wife looked at them and physically recoiled because of how tacky they are (I went back alone to get one and surprised her when we went swimming). They have branded 1/4 lb “chocolate” disks with the horrible skin-beaver imprinted on them. They sell “beaver nuggets” that are something like Corn Pops and Cheetos had a baby, but drier. They have a jerky counter (somehow more expensive than regular jerky, never tried it), a fudge counter (lots of flavors, pretty sure I tried it, but it left no impression), and grab and go barbecue sandwiches (the brisket’s more fat than meat, but the rest are decent). I have no complaints about the hot (temperature) candied nuts. I actually don’t think I can get those anywhere else nearby. Then there’s a kitschy home goods section and a clothing department that sells things with the skin-beaver printed on them. That’s about it.

It’s a bit like Disney opened a gas station, but worse (They should. Some people would kill for access to Dole Whip). It was absolutely packed at first, but not now, as far as I can tell. I think the rarity is the selling point, and people will stop caring as they expand.

I remember when Buc-ees came to my state and everyone went “Hell, yeah, I’ll work at a gas station for $22/hr!” Pretty soon, word got around that you’re not even supposed to sit on your breaks. The people enthusiastically screaming “Fresh brisket on the board!!” Rapidly gave way to a tone that said “I am contractually obligated to say ‘Fresh brisket on the board’ at an at least mildly elevated volume.”

Still, I’m surprised by this story. The pay made a hell of a first impression, and the sitting thing made me think some kind of weird religious kink, but overtly political messaging was not something I expected. I’m just so used to “Fuckin’ burger-flippers want $15 an hour, you b’lieve ‘at?!” that Republicans never crossed my mind.