That’s a lot of pages to say a motherfucker wanted a purple motherfucking lightsaber.
this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2026
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IIRC it says something about how his saber is motherfucking electric rather than crystalic.
Light Sabers are the core of Star Wars, and they're some of the stupidist BS imaginable.
You have this device where the blade is made out of "light" so has no weight to it, and that can cut through virtually anything, and you're swinging it around like a maniac instead of just doing foil-style fencing moves to poke holes in your opponent from a safe range? In a world where there's no armour and the merest touch of the blade cuts instantly, duels should be over in seconds of intense action like an olympic fencing duel instead of involving lots of big dramatic parries.
Fighters should do virtually everything possible to stay outside the range of their opponent's blade. Any part of that blade touches you and you lose a limb or have a hole straight through you. There isn't even a safe part of the sword, like the flat of a real sword's blade, and there are no handguards or protective hilts, so parrying is even more dangerous.
But, no. Big swings of lightey-uppey things look "cool" so there are these extremely long fight scenes with glowy things hitting other glowy things and actors striking dramatic poses, plus guys with twirly double-sided weapons and other bullshit.
Compare that to the fighting in Dune, where a personal shield can only be penetrated by something moving slowly. There's a good concept that leads to an interesting style of fighting.
Honestly, that's why I think the original fight of Obi-Wan vs Vader was so good. They kind of fought like that.
The audience also cared for the characters and their motives. That's what made it good.
Yeah, it was a lot more probing at long distance. They basically established a style, but it wasn't flashy enough, so with each new movie it becomes even more bullshit.
So in defense of all this. I think the in-universe lore is that only Jedi and Sith can use lightsabers in this fashion, because the force prevents them from self injuring with a lightsaber.
So they end up with access to a more dangerous move set offensively than someone with a standard sword in our reality. Which also lends itself to different defensive capabilities and thus you get all this saber-fu shit.
Hell maybe there is an “aura” like component of the force and Jedi vs Sith battles have another layer of complextion. Basically these otherwise useless poses actually have an effect via the force itself.
Enabling the use of double light saber bullshit, and etc
I’m not saying it’s any less bullshit.
because the force prevents them from self injuring with a lightsaber
That's fine, but they keep putting themselves in the range of their opponents' light sabers. If they'd made the lore that a Jedi / Sith can exude a force field that allows them to take a hit with a light saber and that only a certain, powerful type of hit can do damage, then maybe they can be justified in getting within the other's striking range. But, really it's just that they want these extended slash and parry sequences with these light-up devices so they end up with these silly, unrealistic fights that are badly filmed to show the action and instead just show twirling glowy things.
Both Sith and Jedi do use the force to sense their opponents moves so they kinda got to get close to slow down reaction time.
If they didn't get close they would just have to stand 6 feet apart and talk about their issues instead
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doing foil-style fencing moves
Fighters should do virtually everything possible to stay outside the range of their opponent's blade
So I know what you are saying and you have a point.
But I find it funny as the modern olympic fencing boils down to "I stabbed you a split second before you stabbed me! I win!"
Depends on the particular fencing style. Sabre and Foil have right-of-way and Epee does not. So in Epee, it's whoever strikes first. In the others, the person who initiates the attack gets the point if they both touch during the attack regardless of who touched first.
It sounds silly, but part of the idea with foil and sabre is that they were initially training for actual self-defense, where it didn't matter if you stabbed your attacker if you got killed in the process. So the rule was you had to first keep yourself from getting touched before you could try and score a point of your own.
So the rule was you had to first keep yourself from getting touched before you could try and score a point of your own.
That doesn't sound like it leads logically to "you get the point if you were the aggressor, even if you also get touched" but sports rules are often many layers of arcane nonsense with too much deference given to the past. (I'd treat it more like a serve fault in tennis. Reckless attack is a do-over, twice in a row is a point for the other person.)
It's about a fundamental difference between offense and defense.
When you go on the offense, defeating the opponent is the primary goal.
If you're defending yourself, survival is the primary goal.
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Yeah, good point. People make essentially suicidal attacks in modern sport fencing because as long as they touch their opponent first the fact they were run through a tenth of a second later doesn't matter. But, a lot of fencing is staying at least one blade's length away from the opponent and probing and poking, so up until that final suicidal attack they're giving the opponent's weapon plenty of respect.
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Think of the force like Jedis being able to anticipate movements and react ultra fast and it becomes less bullshit. If those fights played in slow-motion for normal humans, it would make sense that they could go on for longer without injury. Then a win happens with sensory overload or distractions - when a fighter misleads the other to believe an attack will be coming from where it won't actually come, they get a killing blow.
Yeah force users all got like low grade Spidey Sense.
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Force users have precognition with it roughly scaling with power and experience which tends to prolong fights on the more powerful end of things since they are basically fucking with each other to try to squeeze out an advantage. Given that the movies generally follow people towards the top of the skill and power spectrum we tend to only see those high end fights in action, on the lower ends or when power imbalance comes into play it basically devolves into what you described, but that mostly only appears in comics and books.
Also there are materials that can resist, block, or even disable lightsabers which I'll list in no particular order with their affects.
Songsteel: Lightsaber resistant.
Cortosis: As an allow it's resistant, in a pure form it shorts out lightsabers but is brittle.
Phrik: Lightsaber resistant.
Plasteel: Resistant to short glancing blows or in sufficient thickness.
Mandalorian Iron/Beskar: Highly resistant to lightsabers.
Certain Force abilities: There is a force ability called energy absobtion that can be used to just grab a lightsaber and drain it. Vader used a lesser form of it on cloud city to block Hans blaster bolts. Presumably there are other abilities that can do similar.
Fun fact the Jedi and Sith both once used armor that was lightsaber resistant and some lightsaber fighting styles formed specifically to deal with that. Also Anakin wore armor that was lightsaber resistant, I presume he stole it from somewhere.
Yeah, but:
steven segal motions
The Force.
Haha, I made a huge comment to say basically this and then that made me laugh so hard reading this.
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Ah, I see you too have been sucked into the hema YouTube rabbit hole. I would take self-described medieval martial arts experts opining on science fantasy with a grain of salt.
Like your reasoning is fine and the fights probably should be more fencing-like, but we also have to consider that Jedi are not normal beings. There's a lot going on invisibly in those fights, like how they're channeling the force into all their actions as well as experiencing a kind of prescience. So it begs the question, what does a fight look like with that kind of meta?
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Fun fact: the OG Darth Vader vs Kenobi duel is legit. You can even name certain fencing moves. They engage, flip, flip, poke, and disengage before some lines of dialogue. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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Isn't SW all just retcon now anyway?
It's not like Lucas started with a complete world like Tolkien, just some ideas.
One of my favorites is the Jedi master robes. In the original trilogy, Lucas clearly intended Luke's black robes to be the "master" garb, but Obi-Wan was already so iconic that future Jedi wound up matching the bland desert outfit that he happened to be wearing.
which also makes less sense, obi wan was hiding on the very desert planet Anakin came from, close to where Luke was, dressed as a jedi master.
Yoda had the right idea.
I always thought he got black because he was a little bit dark side being Vader's kid, just simple visual theme thing.
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I'm the subset of SW nerd that grew up reading the Expanded Universe novels pre-Phantom Menace. It's all been cut, scrambled, recanonized, re-decanonized, and outright contradicted so many times it's lost all meaning.
And then Disney came along, saying they could do better.
They couldn't.
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Watch In Deep Geek on YouTube. Tolkien's world was ever changing. That's what made it so hard for Christopher Tolkien to put together the later books. At one point Sauron was an evil cat.
A real evil cat, dig
Even Tolkien retconned The Hobbit, and the series is better for it imo. Art with living authors doesn’t have to be static.
There’s definitely a limit where it starts to just get ridiculous, though.
Honestly he started with even less than that. People like Lawrence Kasdan, John Dykstra, and many others, don’t get enough credit for their contributions.
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I was so disappointed when I found out that lightsabers just had an on switch. I learned about the crystals (and Star Wars in general) through cultural osmosis, and I was like “Oh, so you pass force energy through the crystal, and it becomes the visible blade.” Made perfect sense.
But no. You forget your saber in a spaceport toilet, and a six year old shuts the place down.
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My headcanon is that Mace once got a little carried away during a duel in his younger years, his emotions getting the better of him and this began to “bleed” his then-blue lightsaber. But he began to see the error of his ways and carries this lightsaber as a reminder of the fragile balance between light and dark.
Then of course they had to give other Jedi purple lightsabers and mess this up.
He studied a style that is a bit closer to the dark side so that he can channel the emotions of a dark side user against them. This was why he was able to defeat Palpatine pretty easily while his support were finished quickly and even Yoda was only able to fight him to a draw. Windu was a hard counter for Palpatine.
So your headcanon wasn't completely off vs what was in the EU.
Fun fact: Boc did purple lightsabers before Mace Windu.
In the expansion the PC also had a purple saber. I forgot what her name was though.
Mara Jade!
Y'all, this is a perfect example of how religion retconning works.
Christian Afterlife Lore with pergatory.
vs.
Catholic Afterlife Lore without.
Purgatory is actually much newer. It didn’t become dogma in the Catholic Church until 1274. Over 1200 years after Christ.
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Speaking of cool stuff Mace Windu had or did, was Vaapad a thing before his character came along?
Thank you for your service, Mr. Jackson.
The thing that's always bothered me most about lightsabers is the hilts. Why are they always so uncomfortable-looking? Why do almost none of them have any kind of cross-guards or something? And I don't mean like the one Kylo Ren has - that thing looks even worse. how about just a bit of lightsaber-resistant metal on the end?
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What did it conflict with? As far as I can remember, nothing in the movies conflicted with this idea. I know the books were quite expansive and they let author's play with the lore from time to time. Did they say "RGB only?"
I think it's more that by asking there were more questions that writers wanted to answer, no?
It's like d&d once you ask for the merchant's name they suddenly have a whole life behind them
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Nah the books had all sorts of colored sabers and even different types like Corran Horn's dual phase saber which when he twisted the grip would change color and get like two and a half times longer with an even narrower beam. I think it was silver and purple? Mara Jade had a purple saber. But the crystals weren't all force sensitive nonsense like they are in disney canon, none of that bleeding nonsense for red sabers, they were just different focusing crystals for different colors.
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