this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 12 points 8 hours ago

This is an ad.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 1 points 8 hours ago

I'm going after the Snickers. That's the King of Candy Bars.

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 15 points 17 hours ago

Don't worry, guys

The people who stole the last load of KitKat won't strike again

They're having a loooooooooooooong break

[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 12 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

I knew the original heist was a marketing scheme but this just proves it

[–] Hawk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 13 hours ago

Yea, everything surrounding to just feels to on point, all sounds like a big marketing hoax.

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago

Are they wasting police time, or are they in on it too?

[–] DylanMc6@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 16 hours ago

Willy Wonka did it

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

Lol probably cost more than if the truck was just robbed tbh

[–] DrBob@lemmy.ca 237 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Staged corporatist bullshit. 0/10.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Openly so. It even says so in the article.

KitKat Canada appeared to lean into the headlines, transforming a logistics nightmare into a marketing opportunity

[–] dan69@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

The real joke is the amount of real chocolate in chocolate related products

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 68 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

Right? Who the fuck wants a KitKat? Nice try fuck heads. Give me a break.

[–] xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 4 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 3 points 17 hours ago

I snickered at that...

[–] Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 1 points 15 hours ago

The only American "chocolate" product I'm willing to eat with out being tortured is Reese.

You would have to rip my fingers off to get me to eat a fucking kitkat.

I like KitKats, but I don't want one THAT bad.

[–] wolfeh@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 1 day ago

Break me off a piece of that KitKat truck.

[–] Trex202@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago

Might as well be the onion

[–] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Lighten up, it's a solid joke.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

By corporate assholes

I'm not laughing, fuck these assholes

[–] murmelade@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

Antichoclite!

[–] vk6flab@lemmy.radio 102 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Or .. you could just transport it in an unmarked truck, but then there wouldn't be this perfect free marketing "opportunity".

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 60 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It wasn't even that kind of a theft. They didn't like, run the truck off the road and steal the cargo or anything; they just posed as a scheduled relief driver and the prior driver handed them the keys, by my understanding.

[–] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's why "conman" is short for "confidence man".

They talked someone into just handing over the keys to a truck by acting like they belonged.

[–] W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 day ago

Like Face and not BA.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

The KitKats are actually in the eurovan in the very back.

[–] Pman@lemmy.org 38 points 1 day ago (2 children)

First of all FUCK NESTLE! Second fuck Nestlé

[–] CrypticCoffee@lemmy.ml 1 points 10 hours ago

Beat me to it, champ.

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[–] Ludicrous0251@piefed.zip 37 points 2 days ago (2 children)

That's a lot of security theater to protect $10-worth of chocolate-like substance.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

So the company did suffer one theft, and they turned it into a marketing stunt. Look at how delicious our product is. We have to guard the fuck out of it. They’re not even being coy about it. It’s very openly a marketing stunt. Meanwhile people are lining up here to say “I bet it’s just a marketing stunt!”

Congrats everyone - you win the bet.

[–] Ludicrous0251@piefed.zip 1 points 22 hours ago

Not true. I came here to shit on how bad KitKats are.

[–] obinice@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago

How dare you besmirch the famous Nestlé name! They didn't murder all those babies and steal all that water and support all that slavery to have their chocolate insulted! How DARE

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago

Do KitKats even have chocolate?

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This is a great use of human resources. /S

[–] Zamboni_Driver@lemmy.ca 26 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] yggstyle@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

This is 100% correct.

[–] stardreamer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

We're two steps away from Snow Crash, where the pizza Deliverator carries a gun and a katana.

[–] northernlights@lemmy.today 4 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Lol "deliverator". Sounds like a movie with Schwarzenegger in it :)

[–] BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 2 points 12 hours ago

This is a pet peeve of mine irl, people adding "ator" or "isation" or "ise" or similar to words to make new words we already have words for.

"We need to solutionise this problem"

No, fuck off, we already have the word "solve" we don't need a new word, it doesn't make you sound smarter, it makes you sound like a fucking moron who doesn't know the word solve.

His name is Hiro Protagonist.

The other lead character is called Yours Truly.

There are very few people who do post-cyberpunk better than Stephenson.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

All a ruse to justify hiking prices

[–] Marthirial@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

I have eaten 1 kitkat in the last 20 years but after all the news and viral posts, I will never eat one of those foul "chocolates" ever again.

[–] DeepChill@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Do they expect us to believe that there’s 12 tons or 24,000 pounds of chocolate bars in that little dinky toy of a truck? 

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