So my problem housemate finally had a moment of self reflection and realized how bad he had fucked up this week. I came home from my girlfriend's house, and he solemnly said he wanted to talk to the house about something. I gathered everybody around and he said that he had been taking out the anger of a recently discovered bad medical problem on us. While the medical problem felt like an excuse, this seemed like a much more genuine apology than the last one. I accepted his apology and went to work. I called him before I went in and offered to grab some food from work for us since I got paid today. Called him when I got off to see if he was still awake and said I wanted to talk about the stuff that actually bothered me over the week because his apology was incomplete, but he seemed like he was finally in a spot to listen.
I started off with talking about the conversation we had that triggered this. He picked me up from work last week and said something casually transphobic. I corrected him and said that cis people say out of pocket shit all the time and I don't think he's transphobic at heart but needs corrections and that's okay as long as he's willing to listen. I will say, this was after I got back on my anxiety med and after I quit my anti-psychotic. Last time I called him out on his transphobia, I was probably more wordy and he wasn't used to my new personality, so the personality jump probably made it feel more personal than usual. He ended up saying cisgender was a slur when calling me out for how I handled that conversation, and from there everybody knew he was just being a fragile cis guy. I told him how he was perceived in this moment today, and looped back around on that conversation to say that he proved me right the next day.
I then went to the people he was defending. He was in a group of trans people that all said the straight guy he defended was being transphobic. Straight guy made a joke, I asked him what he meant by the joke very confrontationally and made him fully own the transphobic shit he was saying. Shitty housemate in question perceived this as me asking his opinion instead of pushing him on transphobic shit he said. I then pointed out how much these particular straight people hate him. They're constantly making homophobic jokes towards him, when he's not around constantly telling me how he stinks (he doesn't stink). And pointed out how much the trans people he turned his back on loved him. Those straight people are never going to buy him tires. They're never going to let him stay in a sober living house after overdosing in the house to let him sober up. Those straight people don't feed him when he's out of the job. They don't celebrate his successes, they pray on his downfall so they have more gossip against those crazy queers. The trans people of this house have done a lot to support him, while these straight cis people have done nothing but drag him down, so him defending them when all of the supportive people in his life are disgusted by the behavior is out of pocket.
I was able to talk to him about what I expected from him as an ally in the future, how his word as a cis man often carries more weight than my word as a trans woman and how I expect him to be conscious of that and use his voice to protect the people that protect him so much.
I continued the conversation to move onto the cat, something else we've been really unhappy with him about. He's been shitty about the cat, and snitched about the cat to the non-profit president specifically because of how happy Shiloh (cat) made the rest of the house. He now regrets this because now that he's chilled the fuck out he loves the cat too. He was just bitter that we were so happy because of the cat. Waiting for my house director to talk to the non-profit president to see if we can keep the cat, but this is the most stressful part of the week honestly. I also told the cis gay guy that he needs to keep his chicken bones picked up, he had a full fucking chicken carcass in his room that the cat could have gotten into and we can't have that.
TL;DR I held back from doing all the petty shit I wanted to do and the cis gay guy came around. Actually listened to me and apologized for being such a shithead over the past week