Transfem

Hey dear, recognize that the system just wants to exploit you. And be careful with psychiatrists too, the hard drugs that they prescribe are selected to create dependency.

That psychologist is a transphobe, I wouldn't go back if you can help it. If you can't find someone who is themselves queer, it might be worth trying to find one who practices "trauma informed care" and or treats CPTSD. Trauma informed care focuses on making the client/patient feel safe enough to work on problems; and bigots tend to be less likely to accept trauma from long term abuse/neglect as a legitimate thing, and often reject CPTSD offhandedly.

If you are in the US, there is a directory on Psychology Today that can be helpful, and telehealth may be worth looking into to expand your options. If you do go telehealth, watch out for chains like Better Help who got caught selling medical info.

I've learned in my personal search for a therapist that the first couple of appointments is/should be a sort of interview process where both parties assess if it is a good match. A specific provider could be the best one in the world while being a poor, or even harmful match for you. It they ard a poor match, you can always find another one. At this point I have a list of issues, like chronic suicidality and queer stuff, that I bring up while watching their response so I can guage if we'll get along. Sadly liberals and some leftists tend to be more likely to hide their transphobia/biases, so phrasing, tone, and body language are things worth keeping an eye on until trust is built.

Finding good (for you) mental health providers can be a lot of work, but is worth it.

Sounds like you need to find a better therapist. Therapists shouldn't judge you only see you through your eyes, but sounds like this one has conservative views on gender and sexuality and can't separate those from their job. Unfortunately, all top common. I had to wait on a waiting list for over a year to get one that was accepting of my gender, sexuality, and neurodivergence and not try to diminish any of them or reduce them to more simple constructs to fit the limited views they were taught.

If possible please do try to find a queer-friendly therapist, especially if they specialize in trans issues. I know it can heavily depend on your location and situation, but if it's a possibility it will save you a lot of money, time, doubt, and frustration that would've been spent burning through other mental health professionals.

In my master's degree I had to read. Whole lot of papers written by psychologists. They had a nasty habit of harking (hypothesising after the result is known) or cherry picking their test subjects to fit what they already decided the answer was. I'm not saying they are all bad apples, but they give the cops and politicians a run for their money as far as ethical standards go (at least in terms of research practices and I'd be shocked if their clinical work is any better).

That shit's fried, you need to dump that psychologist and get a new one. Do you have access to the gender care you need without them?

to me the sheer ignorance of the science is even more infuriating than the transphobia ... I mean, everyone is pretty much some amount of transphobic (it's at least understandable), but the whole point of being an expert is that there are higher standards for what you are supposed to know

I want that psychologist to have a nightmare where a doctor tells him "Oh, you're attracted to women? Don't you think it would be easier to meet women if you were one of them?" And then performs a forced genital reassignment surgery on him.