this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2026
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So you just stop bonding?
You can change your attachment style with effort. I naturally had disorganized attachment and my wife initially leaned towards avoidant (avoidant is more bailing or disinvesting when things get hard), but we've both done a lot of work and display secure attachment towards each other and in general these days
Basically yes. Once things get too "close" or too "real" people with that attachment style tend to get really scared and bail.
If you think of it like everyone has their ideal "closeness" range, it makes more sense.
Some people like to be extremely close and become one combined person. Others like to keep partners at arm's length. Neither one is "wrong", they're just incompatible with each other.
If you get two compatible avoidant people, they tend to keep things casual and aloof, but know each other very well over the years. They just don't usually live in the same house.
Oh I'm not trying to say it's "bad" fundamentally in and of itself or anything like that. I was just trying to give a basic explanation of why a more avoidant person might bail in that situation. I'm not trying to imply that someone with a more avoidant attachment style can't have a real or meaningful relationship, those were just the words I felt would make the most sense to the person I was explaining it to for a very basic bare bones explanation.
and then they go around complaining to everyone how nobody is 'deep' enough for them or something similar. i notice folks like that love to think they are like the most 'deep' person who ever lived... shit's so weird.
Eh plenty aren't, you just don't meet them because they don't bother trying to bond with people.
That would be noble.
One might say inert.
~~aromantic asexual~~ noble and inert
I like your username