Transfem

Oh man let me tell you last night and this morning, morale was so bad. Persistent bladder spasms, everything about the catheter was so bad and it seemed like it would never end, the bolster stitching made it hard to move, the catheter made it hard to move, I was miserable and felt like I had no control over my body I was just in constant pain. That's all over now!

I had my first post op visit. Catheter gone, packing gone, bolster also gone. To check how well I could pee they pumped my bladder full of water then once it was at the "if I don't unlock my front door first try I'm going to pee on my steps" level discomfort they stopped and pulled the catheter. It hurt like hell, some screaming was involved. Then they ran me off to the bathroom to measure how much I could get out of me

The packing was the world's most cursed clown handkerchief trick. It's shocking how much fits in there. It was kinda a weird ticklish feeling until right at the end there was a brief bit of pain

At this point I was very exhausted but we still had more to go. My doctor referred to it as "we're going to give you a tour" and then poked around everywhere talking about stuff while I # watched with a mirror. Some of it was pretty painful but it mostly went smoothly

Lastly he finished by showing me how to use the dilator once with him doing it then a second time with me doing it. Not gonna lie it hurt a lot more than I was expecting. Some people have talked about having a magical feeling with the first time a dilator is used I mostly just had a lot of pain. But good news there is I maxed out the depth! Doctor said I'm up there near most depth a person can get without having a much larger frame

Already my pain is way better, mobility is better, morale has gone way up, I'm so happy they didn't have to put that catheter back in. I'm recovering really well so far even with the hardships

Update 1: My life is now a blurry disjointed mess of memories in between dilating sessions. I don't really know how many days have passed

Update 2: I managed to get the second dilator in me almost to max depth today! Also it seems so little but today was the first time I managed to get dressed without any help. The socks were the last holdout for things I couldn't get myself. I cried happy when I got them on. We're going to walk around outside some more today see how far I can make it past the driveway now that I've conquered the backyard