wisely

Yes, that my autism is holding them back and it’s not fair to them. Which is very depressing to spend all those years burning myself out just to fail. Autism was always known since we first met.

Not sure what do I even do with that? Autism is always something that affects me, no matter how tired I get I can’t leave it. It feels like saying I don’t deserve anyone in my life because of being disabled. But there is truth I can’t keep up like most people are able to.

I guess we both thought I could keep up when we were younger. It ends up in cycles where I really push myself to try and mask, go out more and attempt to small talk, go to loud concerts, etc. Then it burns me out and I really have no energy left without a break if that makes sense.

I guess thinking about it it has been a dynamic where I need to always mask my symptoms. Leading to burnout and a dynamic where I’m always falling behind , exhausted and frustrated at myself but expected to have energy and keep up.

The more you do it the older you get until you become so old you sleep most the day and are always tired.

That makes way more sense. Whenever I watched it I always thought that there must be way more efficient sources of electricity.