Zeke

So I'm completely new to this and this is a recent self discovery, but I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I was married to him for 11 of those years, but a couple years ago, I started feeling trapped and was starting to fall for other people and we just stopped getting along for a while so I decided I wanted to call it off both for his sake and mine. I learned a lot about myself in the time we were separated and I'm still learning. We got divorced and then, after some time, I started falling for him again because we had both been working on ourselves and we were still on good terms, but now I have a problem. I'm falling for another guy while also loving my current partner. My current partner knows because I opened up to him about it, but he doesn't want me to pursue anyone else. He wants to stay monogamous and I understand that he's scared, but I feel like I've got a hole in my life. I love my partner, I love this life I have, but I have so much more to give and I wanna share this life with another. I don't really know what to do or how to stop feeling this way

(Update) I won't be responding to this anymore. I got a few helpful responses, but I'm tired of the people who think the worst of me for loving 2 people. Thank you to those who did help

I have been working towards losing enough weight to get my top surgery from a specific surgeon with many years of experience with it. I have successfully lost the weight, but now I'm at a point where I can't afford to get it. It costs about $8700 for it and that's without complications or revisions. Top surgery for me doesn't just mean gender affirmation. It means having an easier time breathing and reduced back pain. I desperately want this. So much so that it feels like a need. I just don't know what to do to get that much money with everything I already have to work for.

Hi, I'm Zeke. I'm 32 and last year I finally came to the conclusion that I am transmasc after years of being unhappy with who I was and how I looked. I've done so much research into it, but I'm still left with questions. First off, I should say that I have opted not to do HRT. HRT has too many health risks that I can't take due to heart related issues that run in my family. It's not worth that risk to me. So I'm trying a different route.

I've decided to go the route of surgery w/ changes to how I dress and how I get my hair cut. I've lost about 18.6lbs out of 25lbs to get my top surgery and so far it has been really good for me health wise and affirming wise. I'm so close to the first step and I can't wait for the positive effects especially since my bust size causes physical discomfort and shortness of breath so it's a two in one benefit. My questions for this one is "Does silicone gel work better than lotion for scars?" and "Are you comfortable being topless for swimming/beach visits?"

Now here's where I most uncomfortable because I've heard of people being negative about it, but I plan to get vocal surgery to deepen my voice. Here's where my questions come in. Has anyone else gotten this surgery? If so, what's it like and what were your experiences with recovery? How different has it made your voice?

I just wonder if others have chosen the surgical route. I don't have anyone or anywhere else to ask these questions so I figured I'd drop them here. Thank you for any answers!