Susaga

joined 2 years ago
 

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

 

Saint Peter looks over the three men and sighs, gently shaking his head. "Look, we're doing some renovations in there at the moment, so we can't accept too many people at once. We can take one of you, so... Whoever had the most tragic death, you get to go in first. Sound good?"

The three men all agree, and get in order to tell their stories.

"I was out for my nightly jog around the neighbourhood when I heard yelling from a nearby window. I turned to look and, next thing I knew, I was struck by a falling fridge." Saint Peter nodded, a little perplexed, then turned to the next man in the line.

"I had just come home from work when I noticed the smell of sweat in the air and another man's clothes in the bedroom. I looked around and, out the window, I saw a man running away from the apartment. Then I just saw red. I picked up the fridge and threw it out the window at him. Turns out the strain on an angry heart wasn't the best for me, and I just collapsed." Peter nodded, a little concerned about if this man should even get in, but he had bigger things to deal with. Instead, he looked at the third man in the line.

"So... Imagine you're hiding naked in a fridge..."

 

Thankfully, they're both decent enough people for them to wind up in heaven. Hand in hand, the pair walk up to Saint Peter, stood by the pearly gates, and ask him "is it possible for us to get married in heaven?"

Saint Peter thinks about it for a moment. "Wait here" he says before turning and walking into heaven.

An hour passes. Then two. Time keeps moving and the young couple have nothing but each other to entertain themselves. Eventually, the couple start talking more seriously, with one of them saying "I know I love you, but we're young and we have forever in front of us. I fully believe this will work, but if it doesn't... What then?"

Eventually, Saint Peter returns with a tired smile. "I just checked and, yes, you can get married in heaven."

"Thank you" says one of the pair. "But we have been talking and... Just in case, is it possible to get divorced in heaven?"

Saint Peter starts saying some very unsaintly words upon hearing this question, giving his podium a heavy thump. "You're kidding me! It took me most of a DAY to find a priest in heaven, and now you want me to find a LAWYER?!"

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

A good example is Titanic where people keep saying Jack could fit on the door, despite the film showing him trying to get onto the door and almost capsizing it, so he leaves it alone to ensure Rose's safety.

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 0 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Ironically for a post complaining about reading comprehension, but you misrepresented the original post you're talking about. Even have the classic "quotation marks around a thing that was never said" in the title.

First, and perhaps most obvious, this wasn't "everyone". This was one person, and they didn't get many upvotes. When I recommend a TTRPG, for example, I'm recommending Genesys (like someone else did).

Second, they weren't saying to homebrew old editions of D&D. They were saying you don't need to homebrew at all. At most, they said you could reflavour something in 4th edition. Their entire point was that you don't need to homebrew when you can just find a system that already has what you would have homebrewed in.

Third, they were suggesting this as an alternative to homebrewing specific material into D&D 5e. Pathfinder can provide the experience of "5e with time travel" that you wanted without any modifications. BitD is so different from 5e that it can't.

You are, however, correct that they did backtrack. I'll put this down to poorly explaining their argument to start with, as they downplayed the "5e but better" games in their first comment while that was really their entire point.

Personally, I like homebrewing. It's fun to tinker with the rules and materials. But there's also an argument to not repeat work someone else has already done.

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submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by Susaga@ttrpg.network to c/jokes@lemmy.world
 

The idea is that, when he goes out on the town and winds up drunk, his shoes can intelligently walk him home without him getting lost. The only problem was that the shoes were too smart, and wanted to see more of the world than just the road between the pub and his house. Every so often, he'd sober up and find himself on a beach or by a river or some such.

Unsatisfied, he decided to leave his shoes at home and just not drink as much. The shoes didn't like this either, and walked themselves into his car. They were able to start the engine and drive off, but they didn't have arms to steer with. They crashed horribly, and were destroyed in a resulting fire.

The man was distraught. Those shoes kept him safe at night, and they had personalities of their own. It felt like a very real loss to him. As he was grieving, he asked a priest for advice, only to be told that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. His shoes were good shoes, and they were surely going to heaven.

Because shoes have souls.

(Yes, I did steal this from Red Dwarf, but do you blame me?)

 

The officer brings Joe into the room and says "I'm afraid his face was heavily damaged in the attack. We've done our best using dental records, but we need you to help confirm his identity."

Joe takes a slow walk around the body and flips it over, spreading his butt cheeks a little. After giving it a look, he sighs and turns to the officer. "No, it's not him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Jim had two arseholes."

The officer blinks. He didn't expect to hear that, and is more than happy to have a second opinion ready. With that, he brings Frank into the room.

"Frank, do you think you could tell us if this is Jim or not?" says the officer.

Frank heads straight for Jim's buttcheeks, giving them a little spread before sighing, just as Joe did. "No, it's not him."

"You're certain?"

"Yeah, Jim had two arseholes."

The officer furrows his brow. "Two arseholes. I've never heard of something like that before. You've actually seen them?"

"Well, no, we haven't seen them. But every time we three went out, people would shout 'Hey, it's Jim with the two arseholes!'"

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 1 points 2 years ago

I take a system inspired by the video game Wildermyth, where the player gets to decide what happens at 0 HP.

Option 1: You fall unconscious. Your fate is out of your hands.
Option 2: You die, but... You might go out in a blaze of glory, or inspire an ally, but you're dead for good. At least it's a good death, which is better than some get.
Option 3: You live, but... You might lose an eye, or a magic item gets destroyed, but you manage to escape. You're still out of the fight, but you live to see another.

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 1 points 2 years ago

An alternate version of the meme:

And a blank version:

 

As it turns out, this comic is a brilliant meme format, and we need to get the ball rolling on this.