Stacyasks

joined 5 months ago
 

Context for the q: was browsing tiktok and saw a video while scrolling. it was about a 35 year old woman with a 25 year old boyfriend. Everyone in the comments said it's wrong and predatory, how 25 is basically a kid and 35 is middle aged, etc

[–] Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Not a dude, but after I was told that, it made a lot of sense.

[–] Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (5 children)

From the accounts I’ve read and heard, the smell was so strong that people could notice it even after a girl or woman simply bent over in front of them (while clothed) or shifted her weight in her seat (again, while clothed), small movements like that were enough for it to be detected from across the room.

There's a well-known joke about this, the one where a blind man walks past a fish market and says, "Good morning, ladies."

 

I've been a tomboy from a young age. My friends have always been guys, and I developed a dislike for being around other girls around age 10-11 because the people who bullied me were all girls.

When I was a teenager, I kept hearing that girls and women supposedly have a strong "fishy" smell. I know it's a meme, but I'd seen and read enough firsthand stories that it stuck with me. I even came across accounts from gay men who said that every woman they knew smelled that way, and that it influenced their attraction to men.

In my case, I seem to be an exception. There's no fishy smell on myself, just normal skin or sweat when I'm active, or at night when I'm due to shower. But that actually made me even more uncomfortable around groups of girls and women, because I really hate the smell of fish or seafood in general, and if there's a lot of women in a room, that smell lingers even after they've left.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed, because people see me, see that I'm female, and I worry they automatically assume I've got a rotting crab factory somewhere.

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del (lemmy.cafe)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world
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[del] (lemmy.cafe)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
 

I got bullied a lot. The only clique that didn’t bully me, was them. They were very ride or die people. They always made me laugh, my first ever crush was on one of them, but I never told him. Then, years after school, I’d get random people from that subculture helping me. A bunch of them talked me out of suicide. I didn’t even know them, but that’s what they did. And now that subculture’s just…gone. I know those people still exist, obviously, but every time I think about it, or watch old videos involving people of that subculture, I feel a wave of warmth followed by emptiness. I never got to thank some of them for making my teenage years my golden years. I felt safe opening up to them emotionally. Otherwise, I was a closed book. My family are very "get on with it" "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" people.

I forgot to put my age, but I’m a woman, and 30.

 

When I was at school there were emos, goths, nerds. My school didn't have a dress code so people dressed however they liked. The nerds would often wear polo shirts. There were also the artsy kind of people who would draw anime in class and they were typically very shy and reserved but excelled in art class. Then there was this clique that looked like gangsters. I call them goldies, because they always wore something gold. Despite their gangster inspired look, they were incredibly goofy and nonthreatening. They were really bad students because they'd always play up, but were great lads overall. Got along with those the best

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del (lemmy.cafe)
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
 

He was an old friend who stood up for me in school when I was facing harassment. He had a tough persona, but he spoke softly to me and was gentle with me. That was in 2006. I messaged him on Facebook a month ago, nothing too detailed, just asking him if he was at [school] in 2006. To be specific, the exact message was "hey, were you ever at [school I went to] in 2006?". I have a picture of my face as my profile picture, and my intention was just to re-connect with old friends or maybe to just thank him for what he did. That day, I was being harassed so badly that I was in tears. I'd been bullied a lot, and he was someone I looked up to. Today, his profile in my Chats list just says "Facebook user" and how he's not available on messenger. My sister can't find him on Facebook either.

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del (lemmy.cafe)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
 

The best way I can explain it is like how the back of a Playstation or other console when it gets hot and the air coming out of it is hot. Combined with a slight armpit smell. As long as I have been on the internet, I keep reading about how women smell "fishy" down there, and I was always confused by that. Am I just weird?

[–] Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Hi thanks for the reply. I'll answer each of the questions:

Did you call the police when he sounded the siren at night? Like 999? From what I read here there is enough there to get him cited if not arrested.

I did. Once two years ago, and the most recent time was very late May this year when he started the siren and yelling thing again. Police did arrive at his home on both occasions but he refused to answer the door. The police didn't do anything more besides knocking his door, shouting they're police, and ringing his doorbell. He has a doorbell camera that's hooked up to his smartphone. We get the impression the police just go "oh he's got mental health problems" so refuse to do anything even though he told me what his intentions were two years ago when he was doing the exact same thing.

Don’t retaliate with loud music or deliberate harassment yourself. It might be hard not to. But you need to be spotless victims. You don’t want a ‘let’s look at both sides’ to give the impression you provoked anything at any time.

No worries. We haven't done this.

How is the third semi detached party feeling about this old guy? They must feel some of the nuisance? Surely they could corroborate that your brother isn’t doing werewolf things at night? See if you could get them to write letters or call the police as well. The more neighbours join in, the better (but don’t start a poster campaign, it should look “natural”).

That's something I've been considering. Considering the house is semi detached I'm not sure if the people in the third house can hear the radio blasting all morning. It sounds like the radio is in his hallway right next to the wall between our homes so perhaps they don't hear it. Either way if it continues I'll inquire about it to them. Their house is just a few meters down the road.

Is there something that can be done to stop foxes from coming into the gardens? If they are the “werewolves” here then this could be a way to root out that delusion.

My mum puts out food for them. One of them has bad mange and is very skinny. I haven't heard the foxes lately though, not since the young cubs have grew up. I'll mention this to her though. Foxes aren't the only possible trigger, it's also if he sees one of us going to the car or coming up the street. We notice this seems to trigger him and right after he's blasting the radio all morning or his TV will be on full blast all evening.

Does the old guy have family? Is there a way to reach out to them? Not in “reign in your fucking dickhead father!” but “we are really worried about your father’s mental state because he keeps making outlandish and unsubstantiated statements.”

He does, a niece who lives a way away. She comes up very occasionally to help tend to his garden. Maybe every 6 months or once a year. My mum has complained about him to her and the niece ended up blocking my mum. He lives alone.

Can you google if there is a solicitor in your area that will maybe hear your case for no or a low fee to see if you can take this to court? Either the old dickhead or the council for not doing anything about him? That’s where the paper log might be useful.

Good idea. I'll look into that.

I know it can be stressful, I just really can't be dealing with harassment on top of everything else going on so I'm trying to find a good way of navigating this. I appreciate your help a ton.

 

He's elderly (84 or 85). My house is joined with his. There's a third house that is partially joined to his and they recently had a new kitchen fitted, so there was a lot of drilling in the morning. Since then, he's been blasting the radio on what sounds like a subwoofer aimed against the wall every morning at 7 AM. I live with my brother and my mum, and it wakes us all up. It's a very deep bassy noise so it's hard to block out or drown out. It goes on until 1 PM.

He is doing this on purpose. He did the same thing in 2023 and I went over to his house assuming he didn't know he was being loud and politely told him to turn his TV down in the morning because it's waking us up. Then he told me he's doing it to wake my brother up because "every night at 1:30 AM he wakes me up making wolf noises in the garden so I'll wake him up too since he's obviously not sleeping during the night since he's making noises all night" (foxes frequently visit our garden at night). He's also accused my brother of "cloning my phone", "stealing my water", "stealing my food deliveries", and other crackpot things.

All Summer this year he was blasting one of those 120 dB sirens at 1:30, 2:30, and 3:30 AM each night. He'd then scream at the wall for a minute or two after sounding the siren, seemingly to do with my brother. Sometimes he'd then wake up at 7 AM and immediately go and blast the radio all day. He would also come outside into his garden with a frying pan calling my brother's name. The sirens stopped in July.

The kitchen work on the third house is done and was completed on the 24th of November, but they've left a fridge next to my neighbour's drive. A few days ago he came outside and my mum heard him yell "move your fridge, [brother's name]!".

In August and September and much of October he was quiet but now he's blasting the radio multiple days in a row for weeks on end. I have health problems and don't need this. I have other things going on in my life and recently this was the straw that broke the camel's back and I had a mental breakdown on the 1st of December which caused me to knock stuff off a shelf which caused a very old and very sentimental item of mine to break (I did not mean to break it, just to knock stuff off the shelf). I feel on edge because I can't really sleep early because he also blasts his TV until 12 PM. It's not just the loud noise, it's also the reason he's doing it.

We have complained numerous times to the council (environmental health), as well as the police. They have sent him letters but he has ignored all of them and continues the harassment. He is obviously refusing to take his medication.

He has also called the police on us and we had two police officers arrive at our door because of his slander. All 3 of us are not well, we don't make any noise, and need our sleep. I don't want to move as this was my grandparent's house that was given to us by them after they died.

We are at wit's end here. We just want the harassment to stop. Is there a way we could get him sectioned under the mental health act? From what we know, he stopped taking his medication in 2020. This is when most of the bizarre texts my mum received from him began (she still has them all saved).

edit: For non UK readers, being "sectioned" means being involuntarily hospitalised and forced to take medication

[–] Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Update: The bowl is fixed! It's not perfect, some pieces were very slightly out of alignment but it's intact again and I filled in a little gap too. Feel so relieved! Was surprised with how hot the adhesive got in the little tub as it set and now leaving the bowl 2 days for it to fully cure before using it

[–] Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I have the pieces and I put the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle. There's 6 pieces total, and the bowl looks like a very fat crescent moon shape broken. Like a circle with a circular chip in it.

[–] Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

We were both 19 when he died in an accident. So this bowl reminds me of happier times before things went South and this bowl has been through a lot of stuff with me since then too. It's a relic of my teenage years which were the best years of my life. My adult years have yet to be better.

[–] Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe 5 points 4 months ago

I'll do this. Thanks to everyone who mentioned this!

 

Someone in my street keeps harassing me and my family, and I lost my temper 2 days ago and whacked a bunch of things off a shelf. One of the heavier things ended up falling on my soup bowl and smashed a third of it. That specific soup bowl has been discontinued for many years. The manufacturer did make very similar soup bowls just with a different pattern on them, but they're old and only being sold on places like Ebay. I'm going to take the bowl out of the trash tomorrow and measure it in detail and maybe post it on Facebook to see if anyone has this bowl. I feel like a whole bunch of nice memories have been literally smashed, like that bowl was with me for all that time and I smashed it by accident. That bowl was like a friend and reminded me of a time in my life where I was happy so just ordering some generic soup bowl that isn't extremely similar or the same is going to remind me of what I've lost.

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