this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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The original Bri Larson tweet makes me think of a recent post on lemmy that showed younger men are less and less likely to ask women out in person. Some people in the comments said "hey it's ok to approach women in public just be ok with them saying no" but when I read what women say about being approached in public (like bri larsons tweet here) I get the feeling that I should never approach women in public because I'll make them feel scared.
I'm not talking about the top tweet where a guy is memorizing your address, that is creepy, I understand that, but the guy in the bri Larson tweet wasn't being creepy, just shooting his shot right? Or am I way off here?
"Approaching in public" can mean so many different things. What most women have a problem with is being approached in a situation where the man has some form of power over her. For example a cashier or server has to be friendly and smile or she will risk her job. Being approached is uncomfortable, because too many men don't understand it when the no comes with a smile. They are also in a position of power, because they can complain about her or make a scene and get her in trouble.
In this case the TSA agent has some form of power over her and could give her trouble if she refuses. She has no way of knowing if a "no" will be met with understanding or with him holding her up, being insistent, keeping her from passing. That's what makes it especially uncomfortable.
I think even if it's not one of these situations, being approached is uncomfortable unless you are interested in the person. People are way more isolated now and less socially aware, which means half the people who do approach will not understand when the other person isn't interested, and end up making it a bad interaction for both people rather than just a short uncomfortable one.
Being isolated also makes people act stupid, which makes them ask out their server cashier etc even if they know they shouldn't. They just need someone to be with, and they see a positive interaction and go for it. It's like someone who's starving stealing a lot of your food, it's still their "fault" but it's not really surprising they would do that.
Sounds easier to just stay introverted. Sorry. Forever alone lol
It's pretty simple. If they can't just walk away and choose not to talk to you, don't shoot your shot.
If they are going through security to get on a scheduled flight, and you are security, do not shoot your shot.
If you are their boss, in your office, do not shoot your shot.
If you are purchasing something from them, do not shoot your shot.
If you are at a bar, and you are polite, shoot your shot. And accept a no graciously.
If you are at a park, and you are both walking your dogs, try to start up a conversation (not shoot your shot). And accept a no graciously.
If you are the President of the United States, and you have a 19-year-old intern in your office, DO NOT shoot your shot.
Seems pretty simple to me. I'm a man in my 40s, have started plenty of conversations with women (and men) in public, and have never had any negative experiences from it (other than coming across some VERY strange people). Weird.
What happened to just having hobbies and social groups and then developing genuine relationships there, too? Why are the "male loneliness" advocates acting like picking up girls has ever been the standard for developing a relationship? Just seems like brainrot from watching too many "ripped guy in the beach picking up girls" videos at a young age...
I have had a bunch of relationships and flings in my life and only like one or two happened through "shooting my shot", most were friends of friends, school colleagues, large Whatsapp group chats (were a big thing in Brazil for a while), etc.
Yeah, that's the other thing. I was a teenager in the 90s and just walking up to someone in public to hit on them or flirting with people who are working was seen as weird back then too. You met people through hobbies, school, parties or clubs.
Let me know when you're 20 years old and growing up with social media and society the way it is, we'll see if your logic still applies.
This summed up my point perfectly, thank you.
That's a lot to take in. I will just not shoot my shot.
Username checks out
He's at work, be professional at least. He also doesn't know the person, but if he was just some random dude you are still inconveniencing a person slightly. They say no, you are inconvenienced back.
Your workplace is for work, not for interfering with people trying to use your service. You can become friends with regulars and then ask them out if you desire, but you also involve more of yourself at risk in the question.
So just don't. Go to public gatherings or places of interest, where people have a common understanding of at least socializing. Having a friend already diffuses the situation or possible tension that an engagement can form.
Here's the thing, work takes up like half your day. If you aren't allowed to be a normal human at work, you're going to be a miserable person. That being said, a normal person doesn't ask for a phone number after a few sentences. They at a minimum have a conversation long enough to establish that having a second conversation would actually be an enjoyable experience. That's probably not gonna happen at a TSA checkpoint and that's fine.
Compliment people, be normal, do it without further engagement. That is the issue, men tend not to speak up unless interested so you are easy to read. Women like surprises, it's not shooting your shot if they already saw your gun.
Learn to appreciate the beauty of all before thinking of capturing one. You will have to communicate with them. Compliment something unique, something deliberately done, and something genuinely appreciated. By them or by you.
Just speak up truely.
"Capturing one" scares the shit out of me.
I am being heavy handed with my wording for the sake of metaphor.
You as a person need to tame another in order to cohabit the same space, while at the same time taming yourself. You will sacrifice for them and they you. You hope to give them tenfold what they have you, in hopes they know how loved and cherished they are. You must communicate, lose, and evolve in order to win a together that is more fruitful.
It is the same as loving your mother, if not - I am sorry she did not capture your heart. That is not a slight on you, just a sad reality that can exist and I am fortunate in this regard. My siblings were not.
I speak of love, not men or women. It is a concept beyond gender and most humans.
Leave my mother out of this.
I do get what you're saying. I am 17 years into that kind of relationship. But the domestication is voluntary, and capture is something others DO want to do. Capture isn't the goal, but as you said, a mutual choice to be domesticated because of wanting to be closer to someone. To create the third entity, the bond.
That being said, my mother was an emotionally and physically abusive carer.
Bladerunner "let me tell you about my mother" gif.
God i was scared for a bit! Yes absolutely! Consent is key and communication is arduous at times.
I completely get it partner, Im proud of those 17 years. Don't know yah but I hope you know I recognize the will burning. I love it, and hope you share your love with the world, or don't, whatever keeps you safe. :)
Thank you for a laugh in days so stressful.