this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2026
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Autism
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HAHAHAHA, fuck no. I deserve all that the fucked up brain can conjure up and some more. But these are my demons, they are trapped inside that skull with me as much i am trapped with those. It's eternal conflict and those shall be kept in bay. Hypocritically i would never treat anyone else the way i do myself.
You can find any subject and i will rather easily find a way why i suck at it.
Yeah sure therapy could help, but i suck at struggling as well as those problems aren't severe enough or out of control to require professional help. There are countless number of people with much more disruptive problems who requore help much more than i do.
So in conclusion. Generally rather bad, self hatred runs deep,, but it's under control and i revel in it.
No one deserves anything in such an absolute sense. But if I can hazard a word of advice : as long as you consider them as demons, they will never be tamed.
I recommend the game "Celeste" for a good story and metaphor about just this.
Of course demons are an over exaggeration, but still unsolvable or hard to solve problems non the less.
Thanks, I'll take a look at it. Though haven't been able to play and focus on story based games for ages, so i cant promise it will be anytime soon.
It's pretty gameplay-heavy, and the story is quite nice. Soundtrack slaps too. I second the recommendation to play it, it's one of my top 3 games of all time.
Not to dog-pile you with positivity because what community is this... NAUTism? 😋
But you deserve love and respect just like anyone else. This world caters to neurotypicals. It's not your fault. Even as I write this I struggle to fully embrace it. So, I am super glad you find energy in the chaos, I envy you for that, and I only want to serve as a bellwether to your future mental health. The things you think won't affect you may come back in the most crippling of ways. Don't let it overwhelm you. Others have gone through that and come out the other side.
That's all. I hope you've heard this before and I'm wasting my time! 😉
Thank you, yeah i have heard it before and over the years it has been rather instrumental in helping to create a some form of a higher layer of reasoning I guess. Something that stops the negative spiraling getting out of hand, otherwise it can lead to depression again and that wasn't pleasant, wouldn't recommend.
Self hatred to a degree is still there, sometimes more, sometimes less, but there's an overarching voice of reason that can see it's irrational and not based in reality.
Yes it might become an issue further down the line, but that's a problem I'm going to deal with when it happens. If i can squeeze out a few more years or even decades, it has been worth it. Not that there are anymore risks to mental breakdowns. Those were usually caused by alcohol and I've significantly reduced that intake.
Lol, are you me? 🤣