this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2026
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Off My Chest

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Hey, im 20M. I have only dated and thought abt dating women. I only get turned on by women. However, I like dressing up like a girl, sometimes. Sometimes, ill throw on thigh highs and wear an oversized sweater when im home alone. Im just so confused about this. I have never felt an urge to date men... so why exactly do I do these things? I feel so confused, and I have been this way for years. Up until last year I never dressed or experimented being more "girly". I do this all in the privacy of my bedroom, never outside of it.

Thanks for reading

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[–] Iconoclast@feddit.uk 2 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

I wouldn't spend too much time looking for a lable to apply to yourself because you're probably not going to find one that perfectly fits. Reality is way too complex to be neatly categorized like that.

Sexual and romantic interests doesn't need to match. This has probably more to do with the dom & sub dynamic than about being gay. It's a kind of a mismatch between how you feel and what you think is expected from you based on your gender.

I was in the same situation at your age. I'm just as confused 15 years later but I've stopped fighting it. I like what I like and I don't need to explain it. Most people deal with stuff like this but they just keep it hidden to avoid judgement. You wouldn't believe how many comments I get online starting with "I'm not gay but.."