this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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women ought to have a signal that they are open to being approached, like a PvP flag or something
The thing is, there are signals - open body language, frequent glances around the room, etc.
The tougher bit for some folks is also seeing, and respecting, when they clearly want you to go away, AND not taking it personally. They may want someone to approach them, but for whatever reason not you. That's perfectly OK, and says nothing about your general worth, just their interest at the moment.
Go, initiate contact, and if you're getting one word replies, crossed arms/body facing away from you, refusal to meet eyes, inauthentic laughs, etc., exit cheerfully, move on with your day and let her move on with hers.
The biggest problem I've had women tell me about is not being approached, but guys not taking the hint if it's not clicking and leaving them be. Be the guy who reads the situation, takes the hint if present and doesn't get all fucked up about it, and you'll probably end up talking to someone who does want to talk to you later.
Should note this is often just human stuff, and holds for a lot of guys as well with the caveat that they're often, though not always, more direct.
I remember in college being mildly devastated when a friend I had a thing for was talking about how she just wanted to meet someone that (superficially) seemed a lot like me, but then was not into me.
Of course, in retrospect I realized I'd done that to couple women without realizing what was happening.
Reading minds isn't a "signal"
I'm sorry but if men and women want equality in their relationships then women need to stop this middle-school behavior.
There are reasons subtlety and body language evolved.
Some men don't take direct "Not interested. Please leave me alone" well. They'll call you a [slur, slur] and maybe get violent. But fake laughter and dead-ending the conversation has lead to safer outcomes.
So, yeah, it sucks people can't be direct and honest, but it's not just coming out of malice.
Also a lot of the time people don't really know what they want, or want contradictory things.
I understand the excuses people make to not act like mature adults.
I'm sorry if men were rude to you, them acting like children doesn't give you a pass.
It's not acting like children. It's acting like adults. Most adults use subtlety for a variety of reasons. Personal safety and letting someone down gently are just two that come to mind.
You can want everyone to have a standard API with nice json output, but that's just not how humans are. Expecting it is folly.
Giving peolple the wrong "hints" because they are completely subjective is a childish thing to do in place of communication.
My fellow sapient, do you engage with real people in the world? Your position has merit in a "imagine a frictionless, spherical cow for this physics problem" kind of sense, but is absolutely unrelated to the real world of humanity the entire time we've existed, and probably going back to earlier primates as well.