this post was submitted on 16 Aug 2025
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"I'm sorry, but you have Fistobulimia. You may want to put your affairs in order."
"Oh my god, Doc! That's terrible. I came here for a runny nose. Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure. It lists... runny nose, tightness of jaw, numb toes, and a pain in your Scallambra region as typical symptoms."
"I don't have any of those other things and what the heck is a Scallambra?"
"You don't have those? Hmm, let me double-check."
(types)
"Good news! It's likely a type of Fornamic Pellarsy. Says 76.2387% recovery rate by leeching. System's already sent a referral."