Trans

Am I in the wrong here?

No. It is okay to have boundaries around pretty much anything, even if it goes against what someone or somemany else usually does.

"But I call everyone 'bro' or 'dude'!"

Sure, I get that! But not me though.

I am a gen-x cis male who has been skateboarding and surfing since the early 1980's. The words "bro" and "dude" are tattooed iny brain and are also completely genderless to me. I call my female friends and my wife "dude" all the time (bro less so as that might be a generational divide there). That said, if you, or anybody for that matter, told me that the term is harmful to them, I would makr every effort to avoid using it with them. I might slip up from time to time due to muscle memory, but if I did, I would apologize.

This is, at the very least, common courtesy. Your roommate is in the wrong and you are not being rude.

No. Words have different meanings to different groups of people and cultures. If it's an insult to be called that, then it doesn't matter if they mean it that way or not. Just like someone from Australia wouldn't come to the US and be able to call people "cunt" because in the US it's a slur against women even if that's not how they usually use it.

1. Yar aint wrong.
2. correct /c/
3. Straight up start call’m “baby,” “doll,” “girl,” “bitch,” “cunt,” “yapper,” etc. until they start getting offended. “Maybe you can now empathize why I don't liked to be ‘bro”d’? Truce?” Some folks only learn the hard way.
4. Indefensible argument:

citing ideolect as a defence.
“You talk to your grandparents this way cunt?” e.g.

Calling anyone anything they have told you makes them uncomfortable is a statement of how much you value their discomfort.

Your housemate is telling you how much they value your discomfort.

Absolutely not wrong! We all deserve a minimum level of our preferences in address being respected.

Now, is it true that dude in specific, and bro to a small extent, aren't about gender per se? Sure. Dude was originally gender neutral in the surfer lingo. And brospeak litters conversation with bro like cigarette butts on a highway. It doesn't seem to be being used as a slight or a misgendering the way you describe it in this case

Like, I tend to litter both speech and casual writing with "like" at the beginning of sentences like this. Bro is used akin to bub or pal or homie more than the origin as brother. It isn't as gendered as it started out. Dudettes even use bro for their sisters ;)

That doesn't change that someone you live with is brushing against your specific pain points.

This is a situation that requires compromise on the part of a roomie. When an aussie rooms with someone that suffered abuse by being called cunt, it only matters a tiny bit that they don't mean it in a bad way. It matters in that it's something to work on rather than an immediate deal breaker. Your situation is a few steps apart that, but the same principle.

You're absolutely not being rude. And, if the person in question refuses outright to work with you they're the asshole. Language, ideolect, takes time and effort to adjust, but it is malleable. That effort is necessary when addressing someone. They can still call others bro. They can still use the term bro as a term of affection. They just need to stop calling you bro. And dude, despite its origins.

Fwiw, while I definitely believe this is an appropriate community for the question, it would also be appropriate in any general questions community. It applies outside of trans issues as well

No, your friend is in the wrong. I use dude and bro a lot, and for everyone. I use it irregardless of gender. HOWEVER, I also respect others. If someone is uncomfortable with how I am referring to them, I accommodate. Because it costs me nearly nothing to change the way I talk, and I likely would be having a harmful impact on whoever I am talking with if I don't respect their boundaries. This is particularly the case for trans folk, cause refusing to accommodate only worsens the impact of gender dysphoria.

The only time I have ever given pushback is when someone tells me not to use the word "queer." I am queer, and I identify as gender-queer, and I will not censor my identity.

It's likely a bullshit excuse for deliberate disrespect. Return the favor by finding something to call them which bothers them - when they complain, give them the same excuse they use in return.

My 2cents is everyone has a right to ask not to be called something or referred to that way, and if somebody doesnt make an effort they're a knob.

Where I come from, dude is gender neutral so I get that of takes some effort so avoid using it but if it made anyone I talk with uncomfortable id try my best. Dont think thats unreasonable.

Its only unreasonable (IMO) if you're expecting perfection and they are actually trying, correcting themselves or apologizing when they slip and moving on. I don't think that's the case from your post tho.

Also fwiw I'm an enby who's lax on my own pronouns so grain of salt n all that.

Personally, I call even my mother "bro", but if anyone expressed that they didn't like being called it, I would make a concerted effort not to call them that. It's not hard to try in good faith.

Depends are you male or female?

No, you're allowed to be reffered to how you want