My experience of veggies is they are mostly very tollerant of moderate soil conditions (i.e. no extremes). No need to go heavy on perfecting the soil, so long as it's decently fertlised you'll get s decent crop :). Most are cultivated with ease of growth in mind. The one thing I'd say is to not plant in pure compost in pots or raised beds as it dries out too quickly (your coco coir experience sounds like that was a major factor). An enriched soil will do just fine.
For seed sowing, the main thing is that it isn't too rich otherwise they'll grow too leggy too quickly. You pot on or plant out once the 'baby' leaves are outgrown typically once the energy from the seed is spent. Other than that don't fuss. I've tried perlite and vermiculite and didn't find it made the slightest bit of difference. It just makes a nicer soil in terms of being fine and workable. Buy a seed compost if you really want something good. I use any junk I have available frankly! So long as it's not too lumpy! A soil that doesn't swing from dry to wet is probably most important at the germination stage. You can cover pots with cling film to help that, especially whilst on a heat mat.
If you suspect your outdoor soil may be strongly acid or alkaline, get some test strips snd check and pull it closer to pH7-7.5. Otherwise just plant out.
You'll find there's always a few things that either really don't like your garden/growing space, for no apparent reason!
Re guides : the RHS has tonnes of info. Also take a rummage in a thrift/charity shop, or go to your library - growing methods don't go out of date! But you can also follow the guides on the seed packets and you'll do ok! Albeit with a few failures ;) life isn't perfect and your plant growing won't be either, just aim to enjoy whatever crop you get :)